Freedom

I can't really claim to be an expert of sorts.  I'm not a theologian.  I'm not a parenting guru.  Until recently, I've managed to kill all plant life in my keep - no kidding.  (I'm just thrilled that tiny green strawberry buds are peeking out from our little garden this year.  This...this...is a miracle.)  I'm not known for my cooking skills, and I'm a newbie frugalista.  All in all, I'm not that impressive.  

However, I do have a few thoughts now and then, and today I'm thinking about freedom.

What kind of freedom?

Not freedom to go "girls gone wild" on the world.  I'm not endorsing irresponsibility.  Not Fourth of July and fireworks displays (although highly entertaining and lovely).  And not the "Free Love" hippie movement of the 60's.  The freedom I'm talking about is freedom in Christ.  Freedom to live out my life in the way that God created and designed for me to live.  Freedom to love.

I Corinthians 10:23-32

"Everything is permissible" - but not everything is beneficial.  "Everything is permissible" - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.  Eat everything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, for, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it."  If some unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience.  But if anyone says to you, "This has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, both for the sake of the man who told you and for conscience' sake - the other man's conscience, I mean, not yours.  For why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience?  If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?  So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God.

What this means to me is that I choose to do certain things and abstain from certain things, not because I am afraid that God will smite me dead for being ungodly, but for the benefit of my brothers and sisters.  Other's salvation and well-being should be more important to me than what I do or don't do.  And I deeply long to live this out with a sweet spirit.  God has given us freedom, and if we embrace it fully, we may become the most irresistible people on the planet.

There is no room for selfishness in this kind of freedom.  This is what makes following Christ so challenging, not all the rules and regulations that seem to bubble up when people hear the word "Christianity".  Following Christ means we lay down our own rights for the rights of others.  Treating our neighbors, our friends, our families, our enemies, the way in which we want to be treated.  That's some tough stuff when you get down to it.  It means I don't live for myself, but I live to love and serve others.  And it is only by the grace of God that I can do this at all.

Fear tells us that we don't need God, because God will only tie us down and make us miserable.  "Needing" God is weakness, and we don't want to be weak.  So, we wrap up in thick layers of self-sufficiency.

Fear tells us that the only way to stay on God's good side is to follow a man-made mandate on how to live a life pleasing to God.  If you step outside of this moral code you are being selfish and worldly.  So, we envelop ourselves in belief systems that give us do's and don'ts that promise to ensure our eternal security.  (Galatians 5:4 "You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.") This type of "Christianity", by the way, is the very thing that turns so many unbelievers off to God.

Fear breeds extremes - one direction or another - and neither extreme does anyone any good.  However, freedom - true freedom - produces a fruit that even the most hardened sceptic can't ignore.  Galatians 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control."

True holy living, I believe, is clinging completely to Jesus.  Holding him close and allowing him access to hold us closely to his character.  Holy living is walking in the freedom and beauty of God's most precious law: the law of love.  If we could only capture in our hearts and minds what this really, really means, there would be no doubt that following Christ is the only satisfying way to live.

"How little people know who think that holiness is dull.  When one meets the real thing...it is irresistable.  If even 10% of the world's population had it, would not the whole world be converted and happy before a year's end?" - C.S. Lewis

I want to be irresistable.  I want to be the real thing.  I want to take the freedom that God has given to me, by grace, and walk in it with a sober awareness that this freedom to love is the same freedom that will lead others to Christ.

Four In A Row

We've had four days in a row of sunshine, blue skies, and heat.  Pinch me.  I think I must be dreaming.  I don't want to get my hopes up too high, but summer, quite possibly, has made its entrance out here in the Northwest.  I'm afraid to visit weather dot com for fear that rain will be in the 10 day forecast.  I'd rather live in ignorance and believe that warm days are here for the long haul.  

I'm in a skipping, jumping, life-is-wonderful kind of mood too!  Sunshine is good for the soul.  It burns off the dark, cloudy days and turns the doldrums into a far, distant memory.  Yes.  I'm high on vitamin D this morning.  Can't you tell?

In honor of our four days in a row of beautiful, sunny, summertime kind of weather, I quickly jotted down a few of my favorite summertime must-haves.  Feel free to add any of your own summer favorites to my list too.

Summer is...

• Sunshine
• Swimming
• Sunscreen SPF 50 (or more appropriately, Sun-paste - that stuff really works!)
• Strawberry Shortcake
• Sleeping in
• Starbucks Frappuccinos
• Sundresses and flip flops
• Sitting outside under the shade of a tree
• Summer reads
• Salads with fresh fruits and veggies

Have I forgotten anything?

Because I don't want to miss out on any bit of this very beautiful day, I'm going to wrap this up and get off of my computer.  The tree outside my window, reflecting gold and yellow beams of sunlight from its leaves, keeps beckoning me to come outside and play.

And so...I'm off to soak in another beautiful summer day!

Psalm 118:24

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Friday's Free Advice - Oops...I Did It Again!

I've had better weeks.  This was definitely not one of them.  

I make mistakes.  In fact, I make a lot of mistakes.  If I were to think too long and hard on all the mistakes I've made this past week alone, I'm afraid I'd end up drowning in defeat.  I've made big ones and little ones.  Some of them I didn't even realize were blunders until, upon further introspection, realized that I messed up bad.

I hate that I make mistakes.  I so desperately want to make the right decisions, think with a sound mind, and operate my home with sweetness and grace.  Sadly, I can't keep up with my good intentions.  No sooner am I infused with a fresh "can do" attitude, then I'm slapped back a few steps with "what were you thinking?  What a mistake!"

Please tell me I'm not the only one who struggles with this!

Since I'm pretty certain that I am not alone when it comes to mistake making, I'm going to share with you how I deal with my mishaps and blunders.  Today's Friday's Free Advice: The common cure for the common mistake - forgiveness.

First, acknowledge that you've made a mistake.  Conviction - not shame - tugs at our hearts when we've acted out of our selfish nature and not the nature of God.  Accepting the conviction and realizing that we've done something wrong is the first step to overcoming.

Second, confess it.  Tell God what's going on.  Get it out.  Be real.  You don't need an M.Div. to tell God what you're feeling or what you're struggling with.  In your own words, tell God what's happening.

Third, ask for forgiveness.  Once you've unburdened your heart with the junk going on inside of you, simply ask God to forgive.  He will.  Immediately.

And finally, let it go.

Psalm 130-11-13

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.

I've had to do this a lot this week.  Thankfully, God's grace transcends my humanity.  He knows my heart; he knows the intent is pure, but the vessel is broken.  He forgives and allows me the freedom to get up and try - over and over and over - again.

Happy Friday...make the most of your day...and don't let your mistakes hold you back from walking in the freedom God has for you!

Make 'Em Laugh

The above picture needs no explanation.  I probably don’t need to go into great detail about how I closed my eyes for my sixth grade school photo.  I’m sure you already figured that out.  I won’t even tell you how absolutely horrifying this was for me, or how I wanted to crawl under my desk and pull my woven sisal book bag over my head when my teacher handed me my picture packet.  The photo speaks for itself.

The bumpy, forty-five minute bus ride home was torture.  As the black exhaust from passing vehicles blew into the windows of our bus, I could feel tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.  I wanted to burst into sobs, rip my pictures to pieces, and never show my face at school again.  More than anything, I just wanted to be home.  I wanted to see my mom and fall into her arms.  I needed a good cry.

When my mom saw the image peering through the clear cellophane window of my packet, she didn’t even have to ask me how my day went.  She already knew.  After I cried, and wished I’d never been born, and begged to move to another country, and swore I’d never set foot in my school again, and wallowed in grief, my mom spoke up.  She didn’t pity me.  She didn’t stroke my hair and feed into the "woe-is-me" mood I was feeling.  Instead, she started brainstorming ways to smile about this catastrophe: “Amy, let’s make ‘em laugh.”  Honestly, I didn’t really see anything very funny about my life being ruined by sleepy eyes.  And I certainly wasn’t ready to start cutting out the wallet-size miniature reminders of those sleepy eyes to trade with my friends.  However, after listening to my mom’s pep talk, and her encouragement to stop taking myself so seriously, I slowly began to see the brighter side to the whole scenario.

We came up with some good one-liners for me to dish out the next day at school, too:

“I was feeling a little sleepy on picture day.”

“I like the way I look with my eyes closed.”

“It’s really the smile that counts, right?”

By the next day, I was armed with wit and ready to pass out my picture to all my friends.

Life is messy.  Life is unpredictable.  We start moving in one direction and then, unforeseen circumstances jump in the middle of our path, causing us to switch gears fast.  Before we know it, we are off on a detour and completely unprepared.  Are these circumstances avoidable?  Sometimes.  But not all the time.  Most of the time, life doesn’t care whether or not we’re prepared for unemployment, cancer, a sick child, an emergency root canal, a broken down car.  Life comes at us - the innocent and the not-so innocent alike.  And when life has left its mark, we are left to figure out what to do next.

I am a full supporter of being real with feelings.  When the messiness of life smacks me in the face, I have learned to give myself permission to feel whatever it is that I feel.  When we found out we were pregnant with Jackson (unplanned and unprepared for), I cried.  They were tears of fear.  I worried and fretted.  It took me a couple of days to process my emotions.  After I got all the crying out of my system, I realized, like the turning point with my sixth grade school picture, I was left with a choice.  Would I resent the pregnancy?  Would I spend the next 30 some weeks living in fear and distress rather than joy and elation?

At my first sonogram, six weeks along in the pregnancy, I chose to laugh about it.

Jackson was our surprise gift from God.  It took a conscious decision on my part, and Joel’s, to refocus and reset our plans.  Once we did, each moment in our pregnancy was filled with excitement, anticipation, and wonder.  We laughed about the future because we knew that God was in it.

I realize that an unexpected pregnancy is not nearly as hard to come to grips with as a home foreclosure, an untimely death, or spouse abandonment (all of which have afflicted friends of mine).  I realize that the detour of my life pales in comparison.  Still, God is in everything.  He’s in the winter of our lives, just as he is in the new beginnings of spring.  He grants us space to feel and express our pain, and then he offers us the opportunity to find joy in the detour.  He gives us the song, the smile, and the creativity to find laughter on our new path.

He holds us close and then gently invites us to “make ‘em laugh”.

Dear Dad...

Dear Dad,  

When I reflect upon all the different kinds of dads out there in this huge and busy world, I always end up coming to the same conclusion: I have, hands down, the best dad.  There is no contest.

You took me on our first Daddy/daughter date on my fifth birthday...and I remember it well today.  We sat at a table by a wall at Bishop's Family Buffet, and I wore my green velvet Christmas dress.  I felt like such a little lady.  You asked me questions about my life, my thoughts, my hopes, and my five-year-old dreams.  I knew I was precious to you then.

As I grew older, and drove you insane throughout my teenage years, you were a constant source of wisdom and guidance to me.  You came to every violin recital, cheered (loudly and emphatically) at every one of my basketball games (which I know had to be painful to watch seeing that I do not have one athletic bone in this body of mine), attended plays, choir concerts (that lasted for hours), and counseled me through many ups and downs, and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.  I remember how sad you would get when summer or Christmas or spring break was over, because you genuinely loved hanging out with me and Jen.

In high school, you took time to take me for coffee, ask me about my life, and listened to my hopes and seventeen-year-old dreams.  I knew I was precious to you then.

My early adult years were not such a sweet time for me.  I wrestled with transitions, depression, and burn-out.  When I hit bottom, and it was an ugly one, you saw something beautiful in me.  You supported, encouraged, listened, and prayed.  You sacrificed so much because we, your family, were more important than ministry success or achievement.  You truly exemplified what it means to lay down your life for your family.  What a treasure that was...is...to me.  When I was at my lowest, you and mom came and spent time with me, you held me, you cried with me, and you listened to my twenty-three-year-old hopes and dreams.  I knew I was precious to you then.

The older I get, the more I realize that the kind of father I have is a very rare kind of man.  I still call you just to hear to say, "Amy, it's all going to work out."  I still smile when I open up an e-mail from you, knowing that it probably took quite some time to hammer it out with your two index fingers. :)  I still covet your prayers, respect your insights, and appreciate your valuable words of wisdom. 

And that we can go out for coffee, sit and talk for hours about  life, thoughts, hopes, and my thirty-six-year-old dreams, reminds me that I am, and will always be, precious to you.

Thank you, Dad. 

I love you!

Friday's Free Advice

I had a few ideas for my Friday's Free Advice floating around this mushy brain of mine yesterday (the end of the school year has this kind of effect on me).  I thought about tackling the ups and downs of transition (because I am in the middle of transition right now - going from rigid routine to a more relaxed summer schedule).  However, I read something this morning that literally had me cringing.  So disappointing was the website I perused, that I feel compelled to change the direction of my post.  

What, you may ask, could I have possibly read that would have such an effect on me?  In my "vast" experience (please note the sarcasm here) of networking, I have come across quite a variety of bloggers out here in the web-o-sphere.  Intriguing, to say the least, has this journey been for me.  A few weeks ago I read a very well-written post about raising daughters to be homemakers.  The concept sounded sweet and inoffensive at first.  As I continued reading, however, the subtle, and then not-so-subtle, message  - that it is God's command and calling for ALL women to stay at home and raise daughters for the soul purpose of becoming homemakers - became overwhelmingly apparent.  I nearly fell out of my seat.  It pained me, knowing that thousands of women read this particular blog, and look to the writer as a kind of expert and authority.  So disturbed was I that I spoke up and commented.  I felt like a lone voice in the wilderness.  I'm not about bashing those women who feel called by God to stay home and be homemakers.  I am, however, completely in opposition to the idea that the only place for a woman, in God's perfect design, is the home.  I wrote a little bit about some of my thoughts on this particular subject last week.

Out of curiosity, I decided to do a little informal research this morning.  In some of the banter regarding the "homemaker" philosophy (or theology, as these individuals are preaching), the name "Botkin Sisters" had come up.  I had never heard of these people before, but it sounded like they are pretty influential in this movement.  I Googled them, thinking I would find two elderly women with their hair up in tight buns wearing prairie clothing.  What I found were two very beautiful young women - ages 20 and 23.  I thought to myself, "These are the women responsible for this movement?  You've got to be kidding me!"  That they are lovely and attractive I believe woos young women and mothers who, perhaps, have either been raised in homes that were heavily dysfunctional, or are struggling in difficult marriages.  The fact that they are in their early twenties and delving out advice and "preaching" this distorted doctrine, deeply, and I mean deeply, concerns me.

So, here is my Friday's Free Advice for you:

Oh be careful little eyes what you read in a blog!  Just because a person has a blog, writes well and presents their message in an articulate manner, does not make them an expert!  That includes this blog too.  I am human, completely fallible and certainly capable of error.  Much of what I write is the junk I'm either working through, or full disclosure of my personal dysfunction.  There are times I could actually be wrong (perish the thought!).  If something I write doesn't sit well with you, that might be because it wasn't intended for you.  God was using a particular situation in my life to teach me something personal...and I'm just sharing my journey with you.  If you are truly looking for answers to difficult questions in your life, please, please, go to the Word of God first.  Don't let the blogs out there, and some are really beautiful and well-written, be the light unto your path.  Let God's Word be your light.  Let the blog be a source of encouragement from a distant friend along the path...but never the source of light to your path.

Does this make sense?  I'm certainly NOT asking you to not read my blog anymore...that's not my point at all.  :)  What I am "advising" is to be careful what you read.  I take the "you gotta prove it to me" point of view when I read other blogs (written by individuals that I do not know).  I am extremely critical at the onset.  Time will tell if a blogger is being authentic. 

You may, or may not, agree with this post.  That is okay.  You may, or may not, take my advice.  That is okay too.  The advice is free, and the writer is painfully human.  I think, to be completely honest, this advice is mostly for me.  A good reminder that no matter what I read, or where I look, the Bible should always be the first place I go for instruction. 

What say you?  Have you uncovered some messed up doctrine/theology in your web/blog searches?  Have you been brave enough to speak out when it might not be popular to do so?  Have you read something that left you feeling shamed rather than uplifted...did it confuse or distort the person of Jesus to you?  Let me know...I'm pretty sure we've all been there!

God Shines Down

Sydney came bounding into our room.  It was barely six o’clock in the morning, and she had so much to say already.  It was summertime, and the sun had broken through the clouds early (much too early for this mom who was still nursing a baby throughout the night).  Sydney was a brand new four-year-old, and was enjoying her newfound “maturity” and her first few days of vacation.   

On this slow morning as she burst through our bedroom door, there was something of particular interest that she was dying to share with us.  She explained that when she woke up and peeked out of her window, the sky was bright and pink.  “Pink!” she said, “The whole sky was pink…my favorite color!”  She went on, “Mommy, God was shining down on me this morning.  He shined down on me in pink.”

Profound words from such a young thing.  I affirmed to her that God was certainly shining down on her, and how marvelous that he did it in her favorite color.  He is the God of details.

Have you ever walked through a dark season of life?  You know- the kind of season that tests your faith, questions your trust, and breaks your heart?  I’ve been through a few of those.  In fact, I have been trudging through a sort of wilderness season on and off for about six years.  Sometimes the challenges – financial, relational, or spiritual - loom heavy, and so my heart is weighted down to the deep places.  Sometimes it’s simply maneuvering through parenting obstacles where I feel completely inadequate. 

Regardless of what kind of wilderness I’m facing, I find that I come to the end of myself quite frequently.  I need a drink of water or warm sunshine on my face – anything to revive and reignite the spirit to keep pressing on.  I’ll read the Word, put it to memory, pray (or more like wail before God).  There is nothing like a desert experience to remind us of just how much our bodies crave the Living Water.

Sometimes…when I’m tired, drained to the core, and feeling broken, I have asked what many others have asked, too: “God, are you really even there?”

Sometimes…He remains silent.  He doesn’t answer back the way I wish he would.  He withholds communication for a little while.  He doesn’t show up in the sermon on Sunday or the teaching at Bible study.  It appears as if he has turned his back.  And while I want to throw in the towel, surrender to the desert, and build a sand castle, I remember that God is in control. 

I press on. 

This is faith in action.

Yet…sometimes…God brings a little relief in the desert.  He leads us to springs where we can drink up peace and refreshment.  He answers a simple prayer or brings a comforting word at just the right moment.  He leans in a little closer and warms those places in our hearts that have, perhaps, grown cold.

Sometimes he shines down on us in rays of pink sunlight.

He shines down to remind us that we are not forgotten, he knows where we are, and he is with us.

Today I have felt the warmth of God’s hand on my life in a very powerful way.  Today God is shining down on me.  Today I am grateful for the spring in the desert that waters my soul. 

We wish we could define the desert.  We wish there was a way to outrun the wilderness.  We long to bypass it altogether.  However, God knows the purpose behind these seasons, and he is never far from us.  His love confounds.  His ways an eternal mystery.

And just when we think that the darkness will surely envelop us, he shines his light into our souls.  He lifts us up.  He satisfies our thirst.  He proves his faithfulness.

And we know we’ve been seen.  We know God is here.   

Psalm 145:13-19

The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.  The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.  The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.  You open up your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.  The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made.  The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.  He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.

Sun-Induced

It has been raining for days weeks months out here in the Northwest. It's almost been more than this poor African girl can handle. Unmotivated to do anything but sit around the house looking like a "shlumpadinka", I was beginning to wonder if we would ever see the sun again.  And then, gloriously, vitamin D has been pouring down on us like warm, yellow waves of sunshine for the past two days.  I. am. in. heaven. Yesterday afternoon, our three wild things were working some of their wiggles out on our patio with sidewalk chalk.  Sydney had the bright idea that we should all go to the pool.  Perhaps it was the euphoria we were feeling from the endless stream of sun rays on our pasty white faces that compelled our tired mouths to say yes to embarking on such an ambitious Sunday afternoon family outing.  Never-the-less, thirty minutes later all five of us were suited up and headed to the pool.

I am relieved to report that our kids represented us well.  There were no displays of ugly behavior, leaving me very optimistic that we might actually be able to do this again sometime.

Until we got home.

They saved all the ugly up- held every whine, every fight, every high pitched expression of displeasure for the last few hours of our day. Jackson, who did not get his regular afternoon nap (not even a thirty minute power nap), was about as contentious as a caged beast.  He knew what he wanted, but he didn't know what he wanted.  He was delirious with fatigue.  Rather than lay down and give in to sleep, he amped up and ran through the house like a wild animal.  There were so many "Uh oh's" and bedroom times that I started to lose count.  The mantra repeatedly playing in my head was, "Just get him through dinner, and then you can put him to bed."

Bedtime finally came (early).  We had completed our regular bedtime rituals and I was heading to my room when I heard a little voice behind me.  It was Jackson.  He was following me saying, "Mommy, I need to tuck you in."  I could seriously have eaten him up right there, he was so sweet.  I looked up at Joel, whose face was as endeared and touched as mine.  Jackson walked me to my room and helped me get my bed turned down.  It was precious, until I accidentally knocked him in the head with my lethal elbow.  (Yep...I sure know how to kill a moment!)  He let out a yelp, but quickly forgave me (I think he was too tired to have a full blown melt down).

Lots of kisses, hugs, "I love you's"  and one "bless my heart" from Jackson later, he was successfully in bed.

Whew...day over.

And another one has just begun.

Friday's Free Advice - "The Best Summer Ever" Challenge

Friday's Free Advice: "The Best Summer Ever" Challenge.

Last month, on Mother's Day, our church was invited to participate in a "Random Acts of Kindness" challenge.  Square, orange touch cards with "Smile!  You've Just Been Tagged! - Do something nice for someone.  Leave this card behind and extend God's love again!" were handed out, and left in strategic areas of the church for attendees to pick up and take home.  We were encouraged to find subtle ways to reach out to our community by doing random acts of kindness for strangers, and leaving the card behind.

I love this for so many reasons, the first being that the color of the card is ORANGE!  I do love me some orange...bright, summery, happy and fun.  How can you resist?

I am also a big fan of random acts of kindness.  Not too long ago I posted a challenge of my own.  Doing something for someone just for the sake of doing it, to me, is one of the most powerful statements of unconditional love. 

Last night we had a family meeting around the dinner table.  At the top of the agenda (the only thing on the agenda) was brainstorming ways to make this the "best summer ever".  We're calling it "The Best Summer Ever" challenge.  The kids threw out all kinds of ideas of what they thought would make their summer super awesome and fun.  The wild and enthusiastic stream of creativity that flowed from three little minds was impressive and enlightening.  Everything from swimming, to beach days, to trips to the zoo, to playing and reading - they were on a roll. 

 

After the brainstorm dust settled, I affirmed their ideas.  I acknowledged that those things would most certainly make this the "best summer ever".  I went on to pose a question: if Mommy and Daddy are taking them to the pool, to the zoo, to the beach...etc., how are they, then, going to make this the best summer ever for us?

The first word out of, none other than, my three-year-old wild man's mouth was, "Kindness!"  Oh...I have taught them well!  My heart flipped!  The girls chimed in, "Be kind!  Be kind!" 

 

We chatted about what it means to be kind.  Kindness is: showing love, sharing toys, smiling, playing sweetly, listening to Mommy and Daddy.  Good answers.  We also had to cover what kindness is not:  screaming, scratching, pushing, whining, and leaving a mess on the floor when they are done playing with their toys. 

We talked about the fruit of the Spirit (and to be completely honest, by this point in the family meeting Sydney was about the only attentive mind at the table.  Jackson and Brooklyn had checked out somewhere around, "picking up your toys..."  We're working on it.)

Kindness is a big deal in our home, and I think I walked away from our meeting with a sense of accomplishment in one way: my kids know the value of kindness.  Jackson and Brooklyn have witnessed mommy buying coffee anonymously for another person and leaving the bright, happy, orange card behind.  They think it's awesome.  While I can't guarantee that we'll sail smoothly through our summer on the kindness wave, at least I know they are aware of the power of kindness.

So, as Joel and I are challenging our kids, and ourselves, to make this the best summer ever by being kind, I am going to do the same for you!   Be random!  Be kind!  Step out, reach out and be sunlight to your world!  Make this " The Best Summer Ever"!

Good Thoughts

Before the invention of the electric washing machine, it would take a woman six hours to do one load of laundry.  Six hours.  One load.  (Air-dry time, pressing, and folding not included.)  

This little factoid just reminded me of a load of towels I washed yesterday.  They are still in the machine.  I will have to run them again, and hopefully, remember to transfer them to the dryer this time.  From start to finish, this could take an hour-and-a-half.  And I want to whine about it.  I want to pout and throw up my hands in surrender because there is so much laundry to do.  All of the time.  Piles and piles of it.

When I was younger, I was certain that I had been born in the wrong era.  I should have been a prairie girl, or a 1920's flapper, right out of an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel, or part of the Greatest Generation (for sure).  Now that I am older and maybe just a teeny bit wiser, I am convinced that "Laura Ingles Wilder" I am not.  I love my electric washing machine (I love electricity in general).  I love my cell phone and high-speed internet.  I love going to movies, online banking, blue jeans, and my grind & brew coffee maker (hallelujah for my coffee maker!).  I am so appreciative of the modern conveniences I get to enjoy (and fully embrace) on a daily basis.  God made no mistake when he brought this life into the world in 1973.

Sometimes I get restless and critical, worried and depressed when I look at the world I live in.  I can easily get caught up in all the "bad" out there.  Yet, I kind of get the impression that God is still present in all this chaos.  He's still moving, working, blessing, and redeeming.  He even had the forethought and grace to make sure that the electric washing machine was a standard home appliance for a gal like me.

That the sun so graciously decided to poke its head out of the clouds for a brief moment this morning could quite possibly be the inspiration for this random stream of thought.  Or maybe I just needed to pull myself up out of negativity and remind myself that it could always be worse.  I could have been born in a time when bathrooms were outhouses and mornings were spent milking cows, baking bread, and feeding the chickens. 

Wherever the inspiration came from...I'm just plain thankful today.  And that's all I've got to say.

Emotional Writing

One of the things I have had to learn in my blogging venture is that it is never wise to write a post in an emotional state.  Whether it be hormones, a bad hair day, or just plain old irritation, writing under such duress is never a good idea.  I would call it "emotional writing".  For some, pulling out a pint of Ben & Jerry's or spending money they don't have might bring a fleeting sense of satisfaction.  For me...it is writing out "how I really feel" that calms my emotions.  Unfortunately, what ends up happening is I look back at what I've written and cringe.  Only once have I actually posted one of my emotional writing rants, and ended up pulling it an hour later realizing that, as justified as I may have been in my feelings, sharing them with the world was not a wise choice. Today, however, I am making an exception to that rule.  Today I am going to let my unedited emotions break loose and share from the depths of my heart what I believe to be God's desire and calling for women (men, too, to some degree).  And also, what I believe to be God's calling on my life.

Isaiah 61:1-3

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

(I could have easily highlighted the entire paragraph - it's so good!)  Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible describes this passage as a picture of the coming Messiah, his character and his office.  When I read these words, I am instantly drawn to the message and proclamation of freedom.  Freedom from the past, freedom from the constraints of sin in our lives, freedom from sorrow, despair, and oppression.  Jesus came so that we could have life, and live it to the fullest.  His plan for each one of us is as unique as the person we are.  Not one individual on this planet is like any other.  We are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  Therefore, our futures, God's plans for us and the way he chooses to work in our lives is going to be tailor made...and absolutely wonderful.

Freedom.  How I love that word.  I love the liberation I feel when I know in my heart that I am right in the center of God's will...his perfect plan for me.  No one can take that away.  There will be those out there that will try.  They will believe with all their hearts that God has somehow revealed to them some hidden secret to knowing God's plan for every person, or that somehow there is one specific path that God expects all of us to walk.  (Before I go any further I feel that I should point out that I am not talking about the fundamental truths of salvation.  There is only one way to God, there is only one way to salvation.  Not many will follow because the cross of Christ will be too much to bear.  Yet, doesn't the Word say, "my yoke is easy and my burden is light"?)

Back to the emotional writing...

Paul says in Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

So here is what I believe to be God's desire for women, and the role we play in this life:  First and foremost, love God, seek God, study his word, know him, draw close to him, trust in him and obey.  Give him your life, your cares, your worries, your fears, your failures, your insecurities and your struggles.  When you draw close to God, when you are in his word, you will then know his voice.  As a woman, wife and mother I am of no use if I am off willy nilly doing my own thing, flittering about making choices and decisions without being rooted in the Word of God.  When I know the voice of God, and then obey his directives, then I am at peace and I am a blessing in every role I play.

Second, a friend of mine was sharing with me that she had been praying about a major decision that would effect her family.  It finally came down to choosing between what was good, and what was best.  Funny thing, though, God's best for her and her family is not God's best for me and my family.  When it comes down to making decisions (like being a stay-at-home mom, or working outside the home; homeschooling or sending your child to school; family values; husband and wife roles within the home (not referring to headship here); the way in which you choose to raise your children and how) God directs and leads each woman and family in the way that is best for them.  We are all called to be disciples of Christ and spread the good news, but how we do that is not going to be the same.  What God reveals to be his best for you, will not be what is his best for me.  I respect, love and and admire those who simply do what God has called them to do.  It is a beautiful thing to me to see women living out God's purpose for their lives.  It may looking nothing like mine, or we may have lots of similarities...either way, I find an obedient heart irresistible.

Joel and I made the decision that I would be a stay-at-home mom when we had children.  There was absolutely no twisting my arm on that one (anyone who knows me well would shout out "AMEN" to that).  I love being home with my little ones.  I take pleasure in it, and I am grateful that I am able to do this (not all moms can, and there should NO shame on a woman who, for financial or personal reasons, works outside the home).  At the same time, I am not simply a stay-at-home mom, I have other dreams, hopes and desires - all God-given - that I have yet to see unfold completely.  As my children are getting older, and becoming less and less dependent upon me, I am finding that opportunities to be involved in ministry outside my home have been opening up.  As I prayerfully consider each one, I do so realizing that my first priority is my family.  Not every opportunity is the right opportunity.  Still, I am excited to see how God is going to use my life, my gifts, my abilities and passions as time goes on.

As far as my children are concerned, I am raising all three (two girls and a boy) to first and foremost know God, love God and know his voice.  That is top priority.  Their salvation is more important to me than knowing how to bake muffins or having the top grade in their class.  What they choose to do with their lives is between them and God.  If Sydney wants to run for president, well, I'll campaign for her!  If both girls want to be homemakers, then I'll stand by their sides and mentor and love and encourage that.  If my son chooses to be a teacher, lawyer, missionary, pastor, doctor...whatever...I will support him.  Only God can reveal his perfect plan for their lives.  My job is to teach, train, discipline and guide them to become responsible, well-adjusted, independent adults who will love God with all their hearts, minds, souls and strength.

This is a long one, and I could keep writing on this topic.  Above all else, is it not the fruit of the Spirit that should be evident in each one of us?  You can do everything "right" in the eyes of man, or according to a Christian standard, but if the fruit of the Spirit is void in your life, then what's the point?  If you have felt that there is a standard that you haven't been able to reach or attain, is it possible you have been reaching for something God never intended for you to have?  If you have been bogged down in shame because your life hasn't turned out the way it was "supposed to", is it possible that you've been looking at someone else's "best" not realizing that God has a "best" just for you?  Too often I see women weighted down with so much guilt because they are trying to be something or someone God never intended for them to be.  Can I just say that God sent his son, Jesus, so you could be free to be you?  He didn't create you with all your idiosyncrasies and quirks, gifts and abilities, so that you would fulfill someone else's call.  He came to set the captives free (not just the sinners, but those bound up with insecurities, fear and condemnation).  Jesus came to set you free.  If you are struggling then he invites you to come and sit with him, talk to him and allow him to reveal his "best" for you.  When you know the truth, you will be set free.  Free to be you.

Galatians 5:22-23

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law."

Hello, Rubber...Meet Road

The journey to find grace doesn't add up to anything if there aren't a few real life circumstances to move it from head to heart.  The challenge is not so much letting go and embracing freedom (which can be extremely difficult if you've been accustomed to seeing God as a great dictator up on his throne), but rather when the rubber meets the road - when all that God has revealed collides with the demands, stress, expectations and shame that the world out there starts throwing our way.  The safe and warm cocoon where healing took place is exchanged for a wounded world that does not extend grace and mercy the way God intended.   

And so, this is where I find myself today. 

When the rubber meets the road is when God's word lights our path.  Each time the enemy brings condemnation, we overcome by embracing truth.  Truth sets us free, but the only way we can know the truth is if we are seeking it out.  We may not understand our circumstances, and we may be up against a battle we are too weary to fight, but God promises to fight for us.  He promises us that he will never leave us.  God is looking at our hearts.  His demands are simple: trust and obey.  His yoke is easy, his burden light.  His expectations are not beyond our reach. 

Romans 8:1 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  None.  Not even a speck.  When we fully embrace him, we fully embrace the life of freedom he died to give us.  We are not dead in Christ, but we are alive.  

I needed to remember that today.  

When the rubber meets the road, the Word of God becomes the lamp to my feet, and the light for my path (Psalm 119:105).

Memorial Day

Last night Joel and I stayed up, as late as I could keep my eyes from going criss-cross from sleepiness, to watch the History channel's "America: The Story of Us".  I fell asleep with one thing on my mind, that being the power of the American spirit.

"Freedom is not free."

Carved into the granite wall of the Korean War Memorial, these profound words remind us that it is not only the American spirit that has brought us this far, but it is the sacrifice, service and undaunted courage of our armed forces that have won and secured our freedom.

Thank you...THANK YOU...to those who have served, to those who are serving, and to those who gave their lives...so we can continue on - The United States of America: the land of the free.

Summer Give-Away Winner...& Going From Hero To Human

First...Congratulations to Tristan...winner of the Summer Reading Give-Away! Thank you to everyone who participated and shared your favorite must-reads.  I'm adding them to my list for sure!

*Sigh*

Let's just put it this way, when the day starts out with, "Mommy!  The tooth fairy forgot to put money under Sydney's pillow last night!" you know you are kicking the day off in a deficit.  Especially when the previous day was filled with super human moments of error.  Yesterday was Sydney's birthday, and things did not go as planned.  Here's a little rundown on the past 24 hours...

• I promised Sydney a scrumptious dinner and birthday cake as she danced her way to the car heading to school yesterday morning.  Two minutes later  Joel reminded me he had a wedding rehearsal in the evening.  He wouldn't be home.  (I knew this.  It's been in my day planner for weeks.  It totally slipped my mind.  Not a great moment in mommy history, knowing that when Sydney got home from school I would have to break the news to her that we were going to postpone her birthday dinner.)
• When Sydney received the news of my broken promise she proceeded to fall apart as though the world was coming to an end.  I took a deep breath and let her cry it out.  After an hour of listening to a very wounded child (she tends to live her life in a perpetual state of drama), I tried to console her.  Even though she had lost a tooth at school and got to wear a paper crown all day, the very fact that I broke my promise was enough to flush her whole day down the toilet.
• Since Joel was gone I suggested Burger King for dinner (I'm not a fan of fast food, but I needed to find a way to redeem the day).
• As we entered the garage to load up the car I heard a huge gasp behind me.  I turned to see Sydney spying a poster (that I had made for her Kindergarten graduation filled with pictures and artwork and cherished memories that was being stored in the garage because it was a treasure) wedged underneath my front tire.  It had slipped off the work table and I drove over it...completely oblivious, I swear to you.  The pain in her face was confirmed when she cried out, "How could you!  How could you!  You don't care about me, or my birthday, or my special poster!  This is the worst day ever!"
• I stood speechless.
• Before bed I apologized again.  I wanted to say, "Hey kiddo...I'm only human...get used to being disappointed with me."  But instead, I wrapped my arms around her and told her how blessed I am to have her as my girl.  How grateful I am that God gave her to me.  And how amazing my life is because she is a part of it.  I told her about the day she was born, how the sun shined and how I loved looking at her 6 pound, 12 ounce, 18 inch body.  How soft her skin was and tiny her toes were.  I could almost smell her fresh-from-the-womb downy hair and wrinkly skin.  Sydney was a beautiful baby, and I love watching her grow into a beautiful little girl.
• After this treasured moment with my birthday girl, she slipped her tooth under her pillow and smiled up at me.  Tomorrow would be a better day.

And so, today began with, "Mommy!  The tooth fairy forgot to put money under Sydney's pillow last night!"

Thankfully, Sydney knows that I am the tooth fairy, and after yesterday I believe her expectations of a super hero mommy have been lowered tremendously.  At seven years of age, my daughter is keenly aware of my humanity, and somehow she still loves and adores me.

So, this evening we will be enjoying a scrumptious dinner, cake and presents in honor of Sydney...our birthday girl.  And tomorrow...she gets her ears pierced.  This birthday is shaping up to be unforgettable...kind of like Sydney herself.  She is truly unforgettable.

Happy birthday, my sweet girl!  You are more than I could have ever dreamed or hoped for...and I am so blessed to have you.  Your birthday reminds me of the precious gift your life has given to me.  I love you!

LOST

A true sign that you have crossed the line from avid fan to obsessed fan is when you wake up at 5:45am thinking about the show you watched the night before.  So it was with me this morning.  I tossed and turned throughout the short night with thoughts of the LOST series finale running through my mind.  Questions still remain unanswered.  Theories are still percolating among the die hards.  The first word out of my mouth as the ending credits rolled, "What?"  Nothing much has changed since the first episode of the series.  So, as I sit here this morning, veering away from my typical post style, I feel compelled to share my final thoughts on the finale of LOST.  Sit back, scrutinize, and then feel free to add your own comment at the end. The Losties (as we have come to know them) were a group of lost souls.  Flying together on Oceanic 815, there was not a free soul among them.  Each led a broken life...inhabiting a body of flesh and bones, but lost deep inside.  The one thing they sought out from this life was the one thing that seemed to elude them: redemption.

And then the crash.

What seemed to be the worst thing in the world that could have happened to them was the one thing that brought healing to their lives.  An answer to their unspoken prayers.  Alone in the real world, drawn together, bound together, strong together in the Lost world.  As the island spoke to each one individually, and specifically, we observed inner transformation.  Slow, painful, and sometimes deadly, the work of the island was not so much to discover what it was, but to discover who they were.

In the end, throughout their alternate lives, as they reawakened so to speak, we saw freedom and joy, not terror and fear.  On the island, there was a great deal of horror, yet the memories they reflect upon are the joys of what they island gave to them.

Sun and Jin - redemption in their relationship...and a baby.

Sawyer - freedom from the past and freedom to love.

Hurley - anointed to lead.

Sayid - atonement for his past, a chance to start anew.

Charlie and Claire - souls destined to be together.

Desmond - the constant that drew them all together both on the island and off the island.

Ben - forgiveness...but still incomplete (he has so much to reckon with).

Locke - freedom from the constraints that bound him.  I love what he said to Jack post-surgery and after his reawakening: "I hope someone does for you what you have done for me."  Redemption.

Kate - the burden of a life set against her, lifted as she learned to love sacrificially and selflessly.

Jack - redemption.  His entire life was spent saving everyone around him, longing to be set free from himself.  And so it was, in the very last scene, that he could let go.  He found what he spent his whole life looking for...freedom and redemption.

A part of me wishes that more of my questions could be answered.  What happened to Richard Alpert?  What was the Dharma Initiative all about?  What about Ellie and Miles and Daniel and Charlotte and Walt and the polar bears and Room 23???  Perhaps these issues were not addressed because they were only peripheral characters and symbols set around the more significant part of the story-  that being the characters themselves.  Their hope for freedom from the distorted lives they were living, and their search for redemption.

They were lost before they crashed on the island.  The island found them...and they finally found themselves.

Not to over-spiritualize LOST, but isn't it the hard, painful, and almost deadly seasons of our lives that bring us full circle into the grace and redemption of God?  The Losties had to strive for over half the duration of the series to get off the island, but it was the island that actually healed them.  We fight our island circumstances because they are painful, dark, and overwhelming.  But it is through them that God sets us free, redeems us, and allows us to let go.

Hmmm...just a few thoughts.  What do you think?

Friday's Free Advice & A Summer Reading Give-Away!

As summer is quickly approaching, I am compiling a stack of books to keep me company at the pool, park, beach, Starbucks, airplane, etc.  I love to read, but find myself shelving much anticipated reading projects as motherhood, wifehood and ministry pull at me like tug-of-war.  I'm not complaining (hear me out).  I love (almost) every dimension of this busy life, however, I miss sitting down, uninterrupted, to read anything I want.  

Yesterday afternoon I got a jump-start on my summer reading.  A few weeks ago a friend of mine gave me the book, "You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes", written by Lisa McKay.  I added it to my pile of summer "must-reads", and turned my focus back to this crazy life I've been living.   I have to confess, seeing the book leaning against another lonely book on my shelf, curiosity got the best of me.  I took it down, opened it up and couldn't pull my eyes away until I heard Joel walk in the door at 6pm.  (Jackson and Brooklyn played quietly and peacefully the entire afternoon...I know...it was nothing short of a miracle, and, what I can only believe to be confirmation that I was supposed to read this book.)

In any case, with only a few chapters left, I have successfully knocked out one book on my summer reading list.  At this pace, I fear I may have nothing left to read by the time June 18th rolls around! 

With summer reading on my mind, I thought I would share with you my list (you may find some inspiration and add a few to your own).  Here we go...starting summer off with a splash... 

Amy's Summer Reads (thus far...)

• You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes, by Lisa McKay
• How People Grow, by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
• Anonymous, by Alicia Britt Chole
• Becoming A True Spiritual Community, by Lawrence J. Crabb
• Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless, by Jim Fay & Charles Fay

As you can see...it's a little weak.  That's where you come in!  Instead of me dishing out free advice today, it is your turn to advise me!  Send me your book recommendations (fiction and non-fiction alike).  I could really use some inspiration.  And since we're on the subject of good reads, I thought, in turn, I would help jump start one of your own reading lists.  By leaving a comment, you will enter yourself in the "All I Need Is Jesus, And A Good Pair of Jeans", by Susanna Foth Aughtmon, give-away.  This was on my summer reading list last year, and I polished it off in one day.  (You may recall a recent review I wrote  on her second book, "My Bangs Look Good And Other Lies I Tell Myself".)   Instructions for this give-away are as follows:

• Leave a comment with a good book recommendation.
• Winner will be randomly chosen and announced in next week's Friday's Free Advice (only those living in the continental U.S. eligible to win).

It's as simple as that, my friends!   Let's go summer!

Super-Hero Mom

I'll bet you didn't know that I'm a super hero.  Are you gasping from surprise?  This is new to me, too, as I was just informed by Jackson today- right after I killed a spider and flushed it down the toilet- that I am a super hero.  I can wield a mean wad of toilet paper, people.  There are no insects that can out wit this super-hero mom.

After relishing for a few minutes in my new found super-ness, I started thinking about how awesome motherhood is.  Too often, I focus on all the mistakes I make and completely overlook all the things I do that keep my home safe and sound.  So, I came up with a list of super hero qualities that I believe every mom shares.  This one's for all you supermoms out there who don your sweats, clean up spills, carpool, change diapers, and still have time to brush your teeth...all in a single bound:

Super-Hero Moms...

• Thwart bugs with shoes, tissue, and sometimes (when desperate times call for desperate measures) bare-handed.
• Can get spaghetti sauce stains out of pretty much anything.
• Have mastered the art of boo-boo kissing and tear-wiping.
• Make silly faces and perform Irish Riverdance for their children (leaving no trace of evidence behind).
• Turn Rascal Flatt's "Life is a Highway" into a bedtime lullaby for a very eager little boy.
• Make mac-n-cheese look like fine-dining.
• Turn vacuuming into a fun game of chase.
• Recite at least one Disney movie word-for-word.
• Nurse a baby while using the toilet, and talk on the phone all at the same time.
• Listen to the "why?" behind the "what?".
• Love unconditionally
• And toot her family's praises louder than a train horn.

If you said, "I do" to anything on this list then you, too, are a super hero.

It's snack time...and time for this supermom to get to work...until next time...

The "Face"

I have a love/hate relationship with make-up.  I love it because it covers up all most of my facial flaws, and adds color so I don't look nearly as tired as I actually feel.  I hate it because it is such a hassle to apply and remove.  If I could simply leave my house "as is" I would be perfectly happy.  However, "as is" is scary.  I know this for a fact because my children, who have no motivation for lying, have told me flat out, "Mommy, you look scary."  So, you see, make-up, while somewhat of a chore, is a necessity.  

I have a friend who very rarely wears make-up, and looks beautiful.  She has that even-tone-silky-smooth-I-want-to-hate-you-but-I-love-you-because-you-are-my-friend kind of skin.  She has truly been blessed.  Me...not so much.  Therefore, I leave my make-up free days for the weekend and my family.

I remember my mom referring to her make-up as her "face".  She couldn't go anywhere without putting her "face" on.  As a little girl I thought that sounded crazy.  I totally get it now.  The "face" is the identity that the world out there has come to recognize, know, and feel comfortable with.  If I were to show up to church on a Sunday morning without my face, there would probably be some concern.  Or maybe perhaps a few horrified individuals.  Like I said, I look scary.

There's another "face" I wear.  This "face" is the person everyone out there sees every single day.  The person who says "hi" in the church foyer, or forgets to say "hi" because she's running late to pick up one of her kids from Sunday school.  This is the "face", or persona, that everyone around me has come to know, to some degree, and feel comfortable with (or at least, come to grips with).  To be honest, there are mornings when I wake up and I don't particularly feel like putting my "face" on.  I'm tired.  I'm stressed.  I've spent most of the night worrying about my family, the future (not a very spiritual thing to do, I know...but I confess, it happens).  I get overwhelmed.  I feel lonely.  And yet, I know that if I were to walk out my door without putting on my "face" I might make a lot of people feel very uncomfortable...I might scare them.

I don't think I'm the only woman on the planet that feels like this, even though sometimes it would appear that way.  I would imagine we all have a deep desire to be known and accepted without our make-up on.  To know that more than just our families will accept the scary two-toned skin that lies beneath the Clinique foundation.  And if we were all perfectly honest, while we so desperately want to be make-up free with each other, we, too, find it difficult to allow others to be make-up free with us.  I say this not to point a finger, but really because as God has been working in my life in the area of grace, this has been a key issue he has brought to light.  As God lavishes me with undeserved grace and mercy, I find him challenging me to do the same for others.  I haven't always hit the nail on the head, but thankfully, God forgives and gives me a second chance.

God's grace is sufficient for me...and it is also sufficient for you.  God's grace poured out for, and in, me, is the grace he desires for me to pour out on others.

One powerful thing I am learning on this grace journey is that as I accept this unconditional gift and apply it to my life, the need to wear my inner "face" begins to fade away.  I don't have anything to be ashamed of, fearful of, or embarrassed about.  I am fully known by God, and feel the freedom to be fully known by others.  It may look rough, and it may lack polish, but it's the real thing.  It is the face without the "face".  The face that God loves, accepts and has chosen.  And more importantly, the part of me that will ultimately reflect Jesus to others...which is truly my heart's desire...above all else.

2 Corinthians 3:18

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

My hope...my prayer...for my face to reflect the true face of God....one day at a time...one step of grace at a time...

Friday's Free Advice

I have issues.  This should come as no surprise to those of you who read my blog regularly.  I wrestle with waiting on God, I struggle with insecurity, I have to cling to God's grace on a daily basis, and work harder on this whole marriage and parenting thing than I have worked on anything else in my life.  

And that's not all. 

I worry. 

I worry a lot.  

Fear is a battle for me.  

When I am in a "good" place emotionally, spiritually and physically I can quickly recognize my fear triggers, and rise above them.  However, when I am tired, stressed, dealing with a difficult child, at odds with Joel, and doggy paddling my way through the waves of unpredictability, I am not so quick to resist worry.  My mind blows things out of proportion.  

And I end up exhausted.

Realizing this about myself, I have learned a few things about how to regain control of my emotions, and pull myself up out of this pit.  There are four little steps I take to move from living overwhelmed to overcoming living.  This is today's Friday's Free Advice:

• Spiritual dimension:  Read the Word of God!

Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NIV)

God's word takes away the confusion and distorted messages my mind conjures up.  It brings me back to the truth, and truth trumps fear every. single. time.

• Physical dimension: Get some rest! 

Go to bed early.  Take a day, or morning, to flop around the house.  Schedule it into your week, if need be.  I know life gets really busy (I know this because we are busy quite frequently).  I also know that when I have gone too long without rest I burn out.  In fact, this morning as I write this, I am sitting here in my jammies with a cup of coffee on my desk.  I am resting.

• Relational dimension:  Deal with it!

This is probably the most difficult step for me, and I can't say that I do well in this dimension consistently.  However, I am learning and growing (remember...I am clinging to grace on a daily basis!). 

Just last night Joel and I had a long heart-to-heart.  It was a much needed talk, and as I anticipated bringing things up to him I was a wreck internally.  Yet, it proved to be a powerful moment in our relationship.  Instead of avoiding and pushing issues aside, we confronted, listened to each other, talked them out (until 12am), and drew closer as husband and wife. 

• Soul dimension:  Pray!

 The famous philosopher of the 90's, M.C. Hammer, once rapped, "You've got to pray just to make it today...Come on, let's pray."  Okay...a little cheesy, but he was totally right.  I really do need to pray just to make it today!   

When I've saturated my mind in the truth of God's word, addressed any physical or relational issues, I then wrap them up in prayer.  By this time, fear has vanished and my heart, mind and soul are back on track.  Life will constantly try to throw curve balls, but keeping the focus the One who will carry us through them all is the greatest comfort of all.

As we drifted off to sleep last night, Joel prayed over us.  It was the sweetest night's rest I've had in a long time. 

Isaiah 26:3  "Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (KJV)

Something To Be Thankful For...

I spent an unmentionable amount of time staring blankly at my computer screen yesterday afternoon.  I was trying to write up a post for today, but my mind was drawing a blank.  I pulled up a post-in-process and tinkered around with it for a while, but it still isn't ready.  I perused facebook and twitter to kill time (perhaps hoping for divine inspiration of some sort).  Before I knew it, Jackson was up from his nap, and all the quiet uninterrupted time I had reserved for writing was gone, and I had nothing to show for it.   

I thought maybe I could jump back on the computer once Jackson and Brooklyn found their play groove, but not so much.  Brooklyn asked me to help her make a thank you note for a friend...and I did.  Jackson pulled on my arm and asked me to play with him...and I did.  The afternoon belonged to my kids, and my post went unwritten.

In my mind, the day had been a waste.  I didn't get anything accomplished that I had hoped.  I was even behind on getting the laundry done.  By dinner time I was feeling out of sorts.  Then, as we went around the table before dinner, and shared what we were thankful for that day, my heart was deeply touched by what my family had to say.

Jackson was thankful for the usual - Mom, Dad, Brooklyn, Sydney and Jackson (yes, he is always thankful for himself - we view this as a positive sense of self) - and then he added another item to his thankful list.  Jackson said he was thankful for me, because I played with him.

Sydney was next.  With her arms flailing for dramatic effect, she declared that she was thankful for having a great...GREAT...day.  This, too, touched my heart because she had been on my mind a lot throughout the day, and each time I would whisper a little prayer for her. 

Then came Brooklyn.  Brooklyn was thankful that I helped her write a thank you note.  She is such a sweetheart.  I didn't really put a lot thought into how much my time would mean to her, but evidently, it meant enough that she remembered and was thankful.

It was Joel's turn next.  He paused then simply expressed that he was thankful for "Mommy". 

Right then and there I was reminded that, although on paper I may not have much to show for my day, it was not a waste.  I did the most important job in the world.  I was the mommy God created me to be for these four amazing people in my life.  For each person it may look a little different, and as we are faithful to be who we were intended to be, we can make a huge impact on our world.

I had asked God yesterday morning to reveal himself to me in a personal way.  Through my family God spoke something sweet to my soul.  As much as they are thankful for me...I am so very thankful for them. 

And once again I was reminded of how much I have to rejoice and be glad in!