again

I am here again,

Needing your grace again,

Pouring out my heart again,

You have proven faithful again.

I tried again,

To go my own way again,

And you drew me back again,

Your mercy sustains again.

I come weary again,

God, I'm empty and tired again,

I'm reaching for you again,

You hold me in grace again.

So desperate again,

My soul aches for your Word again,

My hands lifted to you again,

Your presence refreshes again.

Broken again,

Clinging to you again,

Your hands lift me up again,

You make all things new again.

I won't move again,

Waiting for you again,

Pausing and quiet again,

You come and renew again.

Peaceful and still again,

Such love abounds again,

You hold nothing back again,

You meet every need again.

Lord, I am here again.

ambition will get you nowhere

We strive. We push. We plan. We pursue. Through blood, sweat and tears we power on to meet our goals, fix our problems and cling to control.

In our striving, pushing, planning and pursuing, we oftentimes find ourselves empty, weary, angry and spent.

We gained, but we also lost.

Ambition will eventually fade into either self-reliance and pride, or depression and loss of joy. While it sounds respectable and commendable, the unintended consequences can lead us further from the heart of God rather than the closeness with Christ that we are longing for. Even if the work is good, and even if it centers on Christ, it is the heart - our hearts - that take a beating.

Goals and plans and hard work are not to be discounted. In fact, God commends a studious and faithful worker! Laziness is not the alternative for ambition. However, ambition, as noble is it may seem, will get you nowhere.

So counter cultural, I know! Most of us in our western mindset can hardly fathom this concept that ambition might not be God's perfect way. Ambitious people win the world! How dare I question the motives and outcomes of ambition?

My answer: Jesus.

"After the approval of heaven at Jordan came the assault of hell; after the dove, the devil. This is the usual order in spiritual experience, and in this the Master was no exception."  J. Oswald Sanders

After his baptism, and after God's public approval, came what we know to be Christ's wilderness experience. Forty days of fasting and prayer. Alone. Pulled out of the public square and into battle. Temptation came at him. And while his body was weak and weary, Christ did not succumb to the prodding and agitating words of the tempter. It was out of this experience that Christ modeled for us the "how to's" to following God's call.

In our human nature when God invites us to join him in pursuit of a dream, a calling, a ministry - whatever it might be - we instantaneously want to grab it by the horns and make it happen. Bend it into submission. Work ourselves to the bone in order to see the end result. I find it convicting that Christ did nothing of that nature when God's mantle was placed upon him.

Rather than jump into his role as the Son of God - God incarnate - picking disciples, embarking on a preaching circuit, and disrupting the status quo, he first went into the wilderness.

We hate the wilderness. We try so hard to avoid it at all costs.

But if Christ is our model, and if Christ chose the wilderness over an ambitious agenda to please his Father, what makes us think we can avoid the wilderness ourselves? Are we better than our sinless Savior?

Interesting to me that the second temptation that came to Christ was in the form of  ambition - the desire to achieve things. (1)

Tempted to jump off of the highest point of the Temple and to command his angels to save him, Christ refused. The Jews were waiting for a Messiah that would overthrow the government, wield his power and position and stun them with his wonders. This stunt would have given the world what it wanted. But it was not God's way.

Ambition can get us what we want, but it may not be God's perfect way.

Humbling and convicting, so often is Christ's example to me. We have to fight hard to overcome the mindset of this world, even in the world of ministry where self-promotion, numerical success, attractive ministries, attractive ministers, cross-less expectations, full bellies and hungry hearts are common distractions. The way of Jesus is so counterintuitive. Completely upside down to our societal and cultural norms. And yet so affirming and satisfying.

"For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:30 (NLT)

Chasing after dreams and obeying the call of God was never meant to leave us empty, weary, angry and spent. Pursuing God's call and mission was meant to be a joy...a task, perhaps, beyond our capabilities, but well within our reach.

I think the lesson in all of this is that before we begin the task, we must spend time in the wilderness.

Let the wilderness drive us closer to Jesus.

Let the wilderness teach us the heart of God.

Let the wilderness instruct us in the rhythms of God's grace.

Let the wilderness empower us for the task ahead.

Ambition will get you nowhere.

Submission to the wilderness will lead us to Jesus.

"We long for showy fruit when the Lord calls us to focus on clinging to him. We want to produce, but he reminds us that he provides as we abide. Abiding is not inactive." Ruth Chou Simons

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

1. The Incomparable Christ, by J. Oswald Sanders, page 87

the other side

"And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Colossians 2:15

That phrase, "triumphing over them" means "a general's triumph who returns victorious". (Matthew Henry's Commentary) Think about that. Christ's death on the cross stripped the enemy of all power and control. No longer are we captive to the struggles and trials of this world. We walk in the same triumphant procession that Christ walked in through his resurrection. On the other side of the cross we stand redeemed and victorious.

There is healing on the other side.

There is redemption on the other side.

There is joy on the the other side.

There is freedom on the other side.

There is laughter on the other side.

There is hope on the other side.

There is forgiveness on the other side.

There is dancing on the other side.

There is remembrance on the other side.

There is fullness on the other side.

There is the promise of more on the other side.

There is blessing on the other side.

On the other side of our brokenness...on the other side of our grief...on the other side of all the letting go and hard goodbyes...

...there is Jesus.

On the other side of the cross we have victory.

On the other side of pain we are triumphant.

On the other side of death there is the resurrection.

Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us.

And he will see us through to the other side.

take my life, Lord

"Our significance is measured by the size of the cause that we live for and the price we are willing to pay to accomplish it." - John York

Two years ago I felt a little nudge. Not just me, but my husband, Joel, as well. It was subtle at first - like someone tapping on my shoulder, lightly. As the tapping progressed, it became more and more challenging to ignore it. It reminded me of the countless times one of our children has tried to (not-so-discreetly) get our attention in a crowd, and the longer they have to wait, the more urgent the tapping becomes. Eventually, the light tapping on my shoulder gave way to an undeniable nudge that something, or someone, was trying to get my attention.

Joel and I began praying. Before we tried to fix the internal discomfort we were feeling, we knew we needed to take all of these emotions and questions and bring them to God. And so we did.

We prayed for a year, and then we knew. We knew God had released us from our current church. We didn't know what that meant immediately or long term, but we knew that God was beginning to shift the direction of our future.

And so, we began to pray some more. This time for direction, clarity and wisdom.

During much of this time of prayer and seeking, there was one "knock on our door" that our hearts continued to return to: Malawi, Africa. It seemed preposterous. So completely out of the realm of reality. And yet, there it was. And there it continued to be. Five months of focussed prayer, fasting and waiting went by. And then we knew, again. God was not just releasing us from our current church, but he was getting ready to sweep us off of our feet and carry us into an entirely new season of ministry.

Missions.

So many emotions surface when you realize that God's redirection is far from anything you could have ever conceived on your own. It took me a few months to wrap my mind around this shift in paradigm. Ministry was always where my heart was, and for most of my 20's I thought I would be a missionary, but then life happened. Our roots began to settle in Stateside ministry. Twenty more years went by. Missions was a lifetime ago. I couldn't conceive that the call to missions was now.

Oftentimes we lift up prayers or sing beautiful songs that declare our heart's dedication to following Jesus. We are willing to surrender all in moments of emotion or when we come to the end our ourselves. Through this journey that Joel and I have been on for almost two years, I have felt the gentle hands of God chipping away at my expectations, my plans, my agendas and my dreams. The hardcore and real surrendering has been a process. The heart dedication to following Jesus has been refining.

I have watched as opportunities and ministries that I knew I was made for pass right over me, and I have wondered out loud to God, "Why?"

I have felt rejection and uninvited and cried like a teenage girl, "What are you doing, God?"

And in response I have heard a faint whisper deep in my heart, "Am I enough for you?"

Last spring, during a particularly painful part of this journey for me, I recalled the old hymn, Take My Life and Let It Be. The words of this song stuck in my head. And for months afterwards I could hear the melody, and I would find myself singing along.

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee

Take my moments and my days, let them flow in endless praise

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love

Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee

Take my voice and let me sing, always, only for my King

Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee

Take my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold

Take my intellect and use every power as Thou shalt choose

Take my will and make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine

Take my heart it is Thine own, it shall be Thy royal throne

Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store

Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee

- Frances Ridley Havergal -

When Joel and I obeyed the leading of God to join His work on the mission field, our hearts began to beat a little bit faster. When we had come to the consensus that obeying God, surrendering our preconceived ideas of ministry and our future to Him, suddenly the most overwhelming sense of God's peace invaded our hearts. It truly is peace that passes understanding. There are so many parts of this call to missions that don't add up or make sense in our very calculated and structured lives.

But God's peace.

His assurance that he is with us reminds us that no matter how challenging the road before us, Jesus will be right there with us.

His promise to supply all of our needs keeps our heads in check when things don't add up on paper.

His light before us, shining just bright enough for the next step ahead, keeps us dependent and builds an unshakable faith.

And so, Joel, myself, and our four children - Sydney, Brooklyn, Jackson and Jasper - are embarking on a new quest. A new chapter. A new season of life, calling, ministry. There is no turning back.

And we say, "Take our lives, Lord, and let them be...".

quiet time

Quiet Time (1994)

An early morning prayer

A song to the sky

My heart lays before you

The Spirit draws nigh

Adoration and music

Praise abounds from my soul

I fall in love with my Savior

His touch makes me whole

I whisper His name

The heavens rejoice

A new language unfolds

Ringing clear from my voice

In the name of the Father

I bow to the knee

I surrender with promise

My Lord strengthens me

The sun rises before me

I look to the dawn

Fresh fragrance of morning

To its scent I am drawn

For this day I am grateful

For the rich living streams

Of the unwritten poem

The beginning of dreams

brokenness is not failure

"A divine romance exists between the broken and their Creator." - Embracing Brokenness, by Alan Nelson

Before God can do great things through us, he must do great things in us. And oftentimes this work comes with a price.

Brokenness.

We see brokenness as failure, God sees greatness.

We see brokenness as the end, God sees it as a beginning; an opportunity for deeper intimacy with him.

The soul that is withered, weak and clinging to Jesus as the only source of life, hope, healing and redemption is the soul that has found true humility at the foot of the cross. And when I say "the foot of the cross" I'm not referring to those emotionally charged moments when we cry out to God for help. What I mean is that at the foot of the cross we begin to see ourselves exactly as we are. We see our mess. We see our sin. We see every mishap and wrongdoing. And we see Jesus.

Brokenness is that point in our journey when we allow Jesus to climb into the mess of our lives so that he can begin to pull out the debris that has kept us from full surrender and abundance. Brokenness is where the old dies away.

It's not a pretty sight.

It hurts.

It gets plain ugly.

Nobody knows quite what to do with a broken person.

In fact, we try so hard to fix the broken people, don't we? We can't handle it. It's too much for us. We think if we sing the right songs, pump them up with Scripture, and make sure they're clothes are neat and pressed that somehow we can will them out of brokenness. But it is futile. Not one of us can shortcut the work of God both in our own lives and in the lives of others. We can't pull out of brokenness prematurely. When we do, the work goes unfinished. Brokenness, as bitter as it is, must be seen all the way to the end.

It's okay to be broken.

Brokenness is not failure.

Brokenness is the most precious gift we could ever bring to God.

"You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:16,17

Brokenness is not the end...it is the beginning of redemption, and it is the season before greatness. It is the refining that is needed to fully embrace God's position in our lives and his plan for our future.

The breaking will not last forever, but it is not gone for good.

God allows seasons of brokenness to come in and out of our lives as long as there is something inside of us that needs to be squeezed out. The purest olive oil is the result of a long and necessary process. One crush of the olive can't produce the kind of oil that satisfies. It takes time, it takes pressure, it takes pain.

Please hear me out...if you are breaking, you are not failing. If you are broken, you have not failed. God is already at work producing in you the character, the strength, the compassion woven deep within your heart to stand in victory on the other side of this journey. His hand has not left you. His hand is holding you. He is holding your tears, your cries of "I don't understand why this is happening", your losses and your dark days.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 35:18

The world may see failure. God sees greatness.

"Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure." Ecclesiastes 7:3-4

gracious

Gracious God in the morning

Your guiding hand through the day

You hold my moments and my mistakes

You are never far away.

Glorious God of the sunset

Painting skies in marvelous hues

Your patient love sustains me

Your promise will see me through.

Generous God of the bedtime hour

When I lay my head down for the night

You have been my sure provider

You draw us in and hold us tight.

God is gracious: John 1:16 "From His abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another."

God is glorious: Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."

God is generous: Psalm 3:5 "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me."

you are not "just a" anything

When you change that diaper, you are changing the world.

When you are a round-the-clock nurse for three sick little ones, you are changing the world.

When you wake up at 5am to shower and get ready for work so that you can be ready and available to your family as they prepare for school and work, you are changing the world.

When you meet that friend at the coffee shop and listen and encourage and pray for her as she struggles through the darkest season of her life, you are changing the world.

When you stay up late and process all of life's heartaches with your teenager, you are changing the world.

When you finally sit down for that cup of coffee and the baby wakes up, so you go and care for him because he needs you, you are changing the world.

When you wrap that gift for an orphan you may never meet, you are changing the world.

When you write that note to that person that God has placed on your heart, and you're really not sure why, you are changing the world.

In your sweats or in your power suit; whether at home with a gaggle of babies all around you or hopping on a plane for the remotest part of Africa; whether you are mentoring a small group of young women or preaching to thousands...when you do what God has called you to do today, and when you walk in obedience to where he has you today, let me be very clear...you are changing the world. You are not "just a...stay-at-home mom, office manager, Sunday school teacher, nursery volunteer, dog walker, nurse, wife, soccer mom, student...anything".

You are a world changer!

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Ephesians 2:10

steady

In seasons of change and transition, whether that be adding a new baby to the family, moving across the country, a job change, or even just coming off of the holidays, life can feel out of control. While I don't mind change - the necessary, needed and healthy changes that either happen on their own, or we implement for our good and the good of those around us - I will be honest with you...I do not like transition.

Transition is hard.

Transition can be painful.

Transition makes me feel like I'm losing my mind, my footing, my sense of equilibrium, my safety and security.

Transition feels like being tossed around in a raging sea like a lifeless rag doll.

Why is that?

Because once change happens, it is the season of transition, and the psychological impact that accompanies it, that brings uncertainty, unpredictability and internal instability. And, as difficult as it may be to believe, change is not the bad guy, and change should not be avoided on a account that the process of transitioning from one stage of life to the next takes us through some pretty rough waters for a period of time.

There are a couple of things we can count on as we wrestle the waves of transition: 1. It will not last forever and 2. Jesus is that anchor that will keep us from going under.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

Hebrews 6:19

This hope that we cling to is not wishful thinking, it is not a pie in the sky idea that weak people believe in because they just can't muster the inner fortitude to handle all of life's challenges. Rather, this hope is rooted in the absolute assurance that God has made a promise, and that promise is trustworthy and true because God can not lie.

Just as an anchor sinks deep in the the bottom of the sea, holding a ship steady and secure, so the anchor that we hold onto reaches high into God's very presence, keeping us firmly in his grasp - steady...secure.

Our hope is that we can be anchored in God himself.

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:16

Life will never give us a guarantee of smooth sailing. Life will forever keep us on our toes as we navigate the changes and transitions all around us. And while we can't control the next thing that is going to happen in our lives, we can live with the precious assurance that the very throne of God can be accessed with confidence. We can hold tight to the anchor that will bring us security, peace and steady our weary hearts and souls. And we know, with certainty, that in the midst of the storm, the raging seas of transition and uncertainty, we will receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

If you feel unsteady today, reach out to the anchor. He will steady you.

why can't my house look like a magazine cover???

I have this hobby called "tweaking" (moving items from one place to another).  I am constantly tweaking the decorations around my home, which I find to be very therapeutic. It's an outlet for me.  However, recently I found myself not finding any peace or joy in the process of "tweaking". Instead, I was feeling overwhelmed, insecure and ready to pitch in the towel on decorating altogether. In this day and age where social media allows us to catch a glimpse into the homes and the lives of anyone and everyone, it has become ever increasingly easy to compare our lives, homes, outfits, extracurricular activities to those of others.  We know this. I know this.  And yet, I still do it.  I see pictures of centerpieces and kitchens and vignettes and living rooms of women across the country, and they all look so incredibly perfect and clean.  From lighting to accents to pillows and throws, nothing is out of place, and not a wrinkle or crinkle can be found.  While I love these snapshots into the homes of others, I have to be honest with you, it has become a source of anxiety for me.  My love for tweaking has turned into a stressful, obsessive compulsive need for my house to be absolutely perfect, and I start panicking when its time to pick my kids up from school because I know that our kitchen island will soon be overtaken by homework and snacks and all the things.  All.The.Things.

Here's my reality, folks.  Lots of people live in my house.  And while all of those people appreciate the warm and cozy home I work very hard to create, they are in the business of actually living in this home, rather than just looking and admiring the decorations.  While I'm over here crying, "Why can't my house look like a magazine cover???"  They're over there making toast with peanut butter and still leaving a trail of crumbs even after they've wiped the counter down.  Our couch is never smooth.  It always has wrinkles in it and the pillows are typically out of order.  This is because people sit on it, relax on it, and put their feet up for a little snooze or cuddle time.  I love the fashionable, still-life picture perfect magazine cover, they love the functional, practical, this is my house where I can rest, relax and recharge from a long day at work/school.

To pull back the layers of this reality a little deeper, I believe at the heart of this obsessive need for the magazine cover home is image control.  I want everyone to think I have it all together.  That's the bottom line.  But here's the honest to goodness truth: I don't have it all together.  Not at all.  For a nanosecond I might actually believe that I've got a handle on things, and then I peer into the kitchen and that nanosecond is gone, gone baby.  As much as I try, there is no hiding my realness.

Here is what I'm learning right now.  It is not my job to "have it all together".  Colossians 1:16, 17 says: "For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him.  He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."  Regardless of what is seen or unseen, my life is His, and He is holding it all together.  I don't have to have that magazine cover home, and it's okay if the kitchen looks a little out of sorts.  These do not define my worth.

Guess what...we don't need to have it all together.

And digging even deeper still, the issue you might be wrestling with may be much, much weightier than interior design and decorations.  Your struggle may be sickness, a challenging teen, financial setbacks...it could be anything.  I don't know what you're going through right now.  But God does.  He sees the visible and invisible parts of all of our lives.  And he certainly does not expect you to have it all together.  And neither do I.  He's holding you.  Even when it seems unreal, impossible, and overwhelming.  He is holding it all together.

From messy living spaces to hurting hearts and messy lives, God has got it all.  So, let's maybe make a little pact today...how about I stop trying to have the magazine cover house/life, pretending that I've got it all together, and you do the same.  Can we do that? And can we agree that we don't need to have it all together anymore?  And even more so, can we let go of our stuff and allow God to hold all the pieces, all the worries and all of the details we're trying to manage?  And can we extend grace to one-another when there are piles of crumbs on the floor and dishes in the sink?

I think it's worth the try.

don't look down

Peter was a water walker.  He was the kind of guy that wanted to take advantage of any and every experience with Jesus - even to the extreme of walking on water.

Matthew 14:22-32 gives the account of Peter's famous water-walking moment.  In summary, Jesus told the disciples to get in the boat.  Jesus took some time alone to pray.  When he was done, it was late and the boat had drifted quite a ways out due to the wind.  So, Jesus began walking on the water towards the boat.  The disciples saw him and thought he was a ghost.  Peter, our bold and daring disciple, challenged the "being" on the water saying, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water."  Jesus invited him to join, and the next thing Peter knew, he was walking on water, too!  Then the wind picked up, struck fear in Peter, and he began to sink.  Jesus took him by the hand and led him to the boat.

When Jesus reached out and caught Peter, he said one thing to him, "You of little faith.  Why did you doubt?"

Has God called you to get out of the boat and walk on water?  Or, has God called you to move out of your comfort zone and to step into something that seems completely impossible?  Has God called you to greater faith?  Greater responsibility?  Greater things?  When those moments come, and they do, and they will, it can be both exciting and scary all at the same time.

We ask ourselves: "Can I do this?"  "Is this really God?"  "What if I mess up?"  "Will God be there to catch me?"

The lesson here is: don't look down.  When God calls you out of the boat, don't look down.  Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.  The wind will blow and work hard at distracting you, but you must never turn your eyes away from Jesus.

Don't look down.

When we look down, we doubt that God will be faithful.  We doubt that God will see us through.  We doubt that his initial invitation to step out of the boat was real.  We begin to doubt everything that led us to that moment.

If we would just hang in there, set our eyes on Jesus, and walk forward, we will not just walk on water, but we will find our way to the perfect place of peace, fulfillment, and reward.

Don't look down.  Fix your eyes on Jesus.  Take courage...Jesus is right out in front of you!

I love you more

Jackson and I have this little game we play with each other at bedtime.  I say, "I love you," to which he replies, "I love you more."  Then I say, "No, I love you more," and he pushes back with, "No, I love you more..." and on and on it goes.  Jackson, typically, will say, "Mommy, I love you too much to argue," when he's ready to have the final word, and our "argument" is over.

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if we treated others from an "I love you more" mindset?  What if, rather than try to get our own way, prove our "rightness", or criticize our fellow believers when they don't quite behave up to par, we just loved them more...more than they love us, or more than they deserve?  What if we took Jesus' command to love and made it our number one mission in life?

Love others more.

Love others enough to forgive them, even when they don't deserve it.  Love them in spite of how we feel.  Love them enough to tell them the truth, especially when that truth is not something easy to share.  Love them more than our reputation.  Love them even when its not the popular thing to do.  Love more in the good times and the bad times.  Love more.

This is an impossible task...truly.  The only way we can be successful in loving others the way God has commanded us to is if we obey his entire command.  Love God completely, wholeheartedly, with our minds, hearts and souls.  Love him more and more and more.  Because when we love God, and we give our lives to God in surrender and obedience, then God's love will pour out of us and spill onto others.

It's not loving more in our own strength.  It is loving more out of an abundance of God's love within us.

Speak truth in love.  Weigh all matters of the heart against a heavy dose of love.  See the world from the other person's perspective.  Listen to the message behind the words or behaviors.  See that person as someone who was created by God, just like me and you.

Jesus loved us more.  He loved us so much more that he gave his very life for us.  His life, death and resurrection bear a message of absolute love.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 23:37-39

He loves us more.

Let us, then, love others more.

Who's Got The Power?

Did you know that nothing can, or cannot, happen to you without the approval or knowledge of your heavenly Father?  Did you know that, when trouble comes, there is someone ultimately in control?  Someone who really and truly cares about you and has your best interest in mind.  Nothing, nothing, has more power over your life, or your circumstances, than the power of God.

"Where do you come from?" Pilate asked Jesus, but Jesus gave him no answer.  "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said.  "Don't you realize I have the power either to free you or to crucify you?"  Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above." John 19:9-11

That's a pretty weighty declaration Jesus makes.  Pilate thinks he's the one calling the shots.  He assumes he's the one with the power over Jesus' destiny.  What Pilate doesn't realize is that Jesus' life is not in his hands.  If God had not given Pilate power, Jesus would not be standing before him with his life on the line.  Jesus knew this.  Jesus understood who he belonged to and for what purpose his death would serve.  Pilate was only a part of the story.

Sometimes I wrestle with this.  I find myself in a challenging situation, and I just want scratch and claw my way out of it.  I don't want to go through difficulties.  I think maybe there is something I can do to "fix" everything.  And then I read those very simple yet profound  words of Jesus: "You would have no power over me if it had not been given from above."

Stop for a moment and think about that.  Nothing can have power over me or you unless it has been given from above.  God is in control.  And if he is allowing the pressure of pain to push deep, then he must know that the resurrection of your life, or your dreams, or your hopes, is on its way.  The same power that was given to Pilate is the same power that raised Jesus from the dead!

Nothing can happen to us that hasn't already passed through God's hands.  I take great comfort in this, whether it be in the challenges I face raising my children, or when a dream seems to be pushed aside and forgotten.  God is in control.  And I really like the idea of God's power working in my favor, even if it means facing some disappointments along the way.

Trust In Real Life

Problems.  They either get your heart pumping with adrenaline or bring weighty worry. One thing that I am slow in learning, but growing in just the same, is trusting in the Lord no matter what my outside circumstances - or pending deadlines - look like.  God is always in control, and He has never let me down.  When real life happens, and it does quite frequently at my house, my go-to reaction oftentimes is fear and worry.  Immediately I wonder how we will pay for this, or how this interpersonal relationship will be restored, or how I'm going to break it to my kids that we are having Tortilla Casserole for dinner (their moans can be heard all over Portland).  I confess, I don't always run to Jesus and His promises.  This is real life, and this is where rubber meets the road and we either act on what we say we believe or we let worry and fear monopolize our lives and drive us to despair.

We get to choose.  Trust in the Lord or freak out.

More and more I'm choosing trust.  Because there is no return for worry.  But there's always a great blessing in trust.  God takes care of the real life stuff.  He provides.  He heals and restores.  And he gives grace to moms who have run out of creative dinner choices.  Trust brings hope and peace.  Worry brings fine lines and wrinkles.  I can't afford Botox, so I think trust is a better way for me to go.

And here's what Jesus says, His promise to us:

Matthew 6:25-34

"Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  And why do you worry about clothes?  See how the lilies of the field grow.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  So do not worry saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Trust in real life means God is in control of the practical things too, and freaking out is a waste of time and energy.  And Lord knows, I need all the energy I can get.

In The Beginning

Adam and Eve.  Theirs was truly a life to be envied.  Can you imagine walking and talking with God in the cool of the day?  Can you imagine the lushness and beauty of the Garden of Eden?  What must it have been like to be fully exposed, naked, and unashamed?  Their relationship with God and each other was one of perfection.  Can you imagine?  It was a perfect world. And then sin entered the picture.  Truth was distorted.  Deceit and empty promises enticed.  Eve chose first and Adam followed.  And what was pure and perfect, lovely and whole, became shrouded in shame and disgrace.

The first thing they noticed once their eyes were opened was their nakedness.  They scrambled to cover themselves up - to cover up their shame, to hide and withdraw.  Sad.  This wasn't what God intended, but in his love he gave them the freedom to choose.  And they chose.

When God found them - he is a God who pursues - he noticed their efforts to clothe themselves.  He was disappointed and, dare I say, heartbroken.  The freedom to be bare and completely known was gone.  There were severe consequences for these actions, and we are still dealing with them today.  And yet, even as God brought firm discipline to Adam and Eve for their disobedience, he extended grace.  God made garments for them, out of skin, and clothed them.  He knew the curse of sin that now entered the world, and he knew the shame that they would carry as a result of their sin, and so out of love he graciously clothed them and covered up their shame.

We have stuff.  We have pain.  We carry around our ugliness, our insecurities and our pasts - each one of us.  But most of us are pretty good and hiding behind our fig leaves.  We cover up our shame through good deeds, nice clothes, success, and lots of Bible knowledge.  We are terrified to let anyone see our nakedness.  But God sees.  He knows.  He longs, not to hide our sin, but to cover our sin with his grace.  While he isn't in the business of making animal print pencil skirts and blouses, he is in the business of restoring and covering our sin with his perfect love and undeserved grace.  When Christ died on the cross he did so in order to bring this story of redemption full circle.  He covered Adam and Eve's physical nakedness in the Garden, but now we are covered completely in his blood.

This is good.  Shame and confusion, hiding and fear, are the things that initially drove Adam and Eve away from God.  God pursued and exposed, and then he clothed them.  He is doing the same thing today.  He gives us freedom to choose.  He gives us room to make the unwise choice, but he also guarantees that his love is big enough, strong enough, and complete enough to gently expose our shame, and then cover us with His grace.

Eternity Is Closer Than We Think

Last week an Ethiopian church planter was martyred, a wife and four children left without a husband and father.  A friend of mine miscarried her baby.  My grandfather passed away only a few days ago.  And we are all aware of the recent tragedy in Japan.  This has had me thinking about eternity.  Life after death.  What am I living for? There is something profound that takes place when a loved one dies or tragedy strikes.  We are compelled to stop and think about what comes next.  As a Christian my thoughts linger upon eternity.  The reality that earth is not my forever home sinks in deep within my soul, and I find that these earthly worries - material distractions, how my hair looks and what I'm wearing - quickly fade into the background.  Suddenly my heart is drawn to the number one purpose of my existence, and that is God.  The hope that the cross gives us.  The grace that God has so lavishly poured out upon my life.  And the promise of heaven that awaits me.

I heard someone say that we can create "heaven here on earth."  My inner response to this disillusioned statement is that earth is corrupt and sinful, messy and painful.  Earth is not eternal.  And I'm not living for earth.  I'm not looking forward to "heaven on earth".  I'm looking heavenward to eternity with Jesus Christ.  Where there will be no more sorrow.  No more pain.  No more heartache.  No more prejudice.  No more fear.  No more sin.  This...THIS is what I am living for.  This is what that precious pastor in Ethiopia died for.  This is where my grandfather now walks and runs and sings.  This is where my friend's tiny unborn child waits for her mother.

And eternity is closer than we think.  Beth Moore talks about our "ten minutes on earth".  Our lives are a mere breath.  A snapshot in time.  Our moment is very brief here on planet earth.  Eternity is literally a heartbeat away.  Are we ready for it?

I want to be ready.  I want Jesus to say to me when I enter eternity, "Well done, Amy.  Well done."  Until that time there is much to do.  Giving God my life.  Serving him and representing Jesus to a lost world.  Speaking TRUTH in LOVE.  Aware of and meeting the needs here in the present, but always looking upward to a better future.  And as my seven-year-old daughter would say, "We gotta love God like we mean it!"

Jesus.  How I so desperately need him, cling to him and know that this beautiful life beyond death was only made possible through his sacrifice on the cross.  I can't repay that.  But I can give him my life.  I can do my best to point others to Him.  To point others toward eternity - to hope.  To Jesus.

Eternity is closer than we think.

Bitterness Does Not Become You

Herodias wanted John the Baptist's head on a platter.  She was an angry woman spurred on by the cancer of bitterness that permeated her entire being.  The NIV says she "nursed a grudge."  She was not only offended by John's confrontation of her sin, but she invested time and energy into nursing her wound and allowing her grudge to grow and metastasize.  Which ultimately ended in a head, literally, on a platter. Bitterness is unbecoming.  It is ugliness personified.

I'm going to speculate that each one of us has been either confronted by the truth and didn't like it very much, and found our feelings for our confronter to be less than warm, or we've been hurt deeply by someone, knowingly or unknowingly, and the pain of that wound has transformed into anger and mistrust.

Being confronted with a sin in our lives is uncomfortable, at best.  None of us wants to hear the truth from someone we love and respect, or hear a sermon that pinches just a little too hard.  It's downright painful.  Even so, the bitterness that stems from this pain is wasted.  Seriously.  Confess your sins and God is faithful to forgive.  Then move on.  It is pride that makes us hold on to our grudge for dear life.

On the other hand, being hurt by someone is not the same thing.  Whether or not the blow was intentional, pain is pain, and it's very difficult to simply forgive and get over it.  Bitterness is almost understandable.  However, it is still bitterness, and left unresolved, leads to death.  A nursed grudge over time becomes anger.  And anger leads us to do things we would never fathom doing in our right mind.

Herodias wanted to kill John the Baptist, but she couldn't, at least not yet.  Eventually she found a way.  She not only succeeded in killing John, but she brought her daughter into her bitterness too.

Mark 6:22-28

When the daughter of Herodias came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his dinner guests.  The king said to the girl, "Ask me for anything you want, and I'll give it to you."  and he promised her with an oath, "Whatever you ask I will give you, up to half my kingdom."  She went out and said to her mother, "What shall I ask for?"  "The head of John the Baptist," she answered.  At once the girl hurried in to the king with the request: "I want you to give me right now the head of John the Baptist on a platter."  The king was greatly distressed, but because of his oaths and his dinner guests, he did not want to refuse her.  So he immediately sent an executioner with orders to bring John's head.  The man went, beheaded John in the prison, and brought back his head on a platter.  He presented it to the girl, and she gave it to her mother.

The Message translation describes Herodias as a woman "smoldering with hate."  When I read this passage I was immediately convicted of the petty grievances I have held on to.  We are so easily offended, are we not?  We blindly get caught up in our offenses that we forget how to work things out with each other (Matthew 18:15-20).  Whether or not our pain is justified, bitterness never is.  It always lands back in our own laps.  I've been hurt, rightly or wrongly, so what am I going to do with this?  Am I going to allow bitterness to fester inside, and eventually spill out onto my children?  Am I willing to let the light within me die out?

God is aware of our pain.  He isn't demanding something from us that he hasn't already experienced.  He died so we wouldn't have to.  He forgave us so that we would know how to forgive others.  I'll be honest, I don't want to end up like Herodias.  I don't want my legacy to say, "Amy went down smoldering with hate."  I want to be a beautiful testimony of grace and forgiveness, love and compassion.  I can't be that and hold a grudge at the same time.

And what about you?  Have you been confronted lately and you would like nothing more than to see a head on a platter?  Or have you been hurt by someone, and all you want is to see them suffer the way you feel you have suffered?  Either way, bitterness does not become you.  Don't nurse the grudge.  Do something productive with your pain.  Confess your sin, if you have sinned, and get on with your life.  Or confront that person who has hurt you, seek out reconciliation and get on with your life.

Don't hold on to your grudge...hold on to freedom.

The Calm

Matthew 26 and 27 convey the story of Christ's betrayal and crucifixion.  I was just reading these two chapters last week and was struck by all the chaos surrounding Christ in those final hours of his life.  An angry mob was screaming for his death.  His disciples scattered in fear and terror.  Peter, the rock, stung by the reality of his denial, found himself a broken man.  Caesar's wife- disturbed by a dream- tried to persuade her husband to distance himself from this drama.  The world was coming unhinged. And where was Jesus?  Standing quietly in the center of it all- Bearing the weight of his destiny, the sting of a thorny crown upon his head, and staring at the road of sorrow that lie ahead.

My mind wandered back to the time when Jesus and his disciples were on a boat.  A storm raging all around, the disciples were convinced they would drown.  Fear gripped them as a furious squall rose up, and they cried out to Jesus.

Where was he?  Wasn't he aware of the gravity of the situation?  Lives were at stake.  Hope was awash in the swirl of violent waves.  Where was Jesus?  Sleeping.

Mark 4:38-40

The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"  He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet!  Be Still!"  Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.  He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid?  Do you still have no faith?"

Sometimes Jesus calms the storm.  Sometimes he is simply the calm in the midst of the storm.  Either way, I believe he would say to us when the winds of uncertainty, fear, and trouble blow through our lives, "Why are you so afraid?  Do you still have no faith?"

Christ prayed three times that God would change his destiny.  Three times he cried out for a different way.  And each time he relinquished his will and surrendered to that of his Father.  Death and separation from God was terrifying to Jesus, and if there could be an easier way to atone for the sins of the world, he would have gladly traded his cup in for a new one.  But deep down he knew that there could be no other way.  There could be no other sacrifice.  His death was our only hope.  And as he stood in the midst of the chaos and confusion, his heart was at peace because he knew this was not the end.  Victory was just beyond his death.  He was at peace with his destiny.  And he was the calm in eye of the storm.

God knows the purpose for each storm we experience.  Sometimes he hears our cries and speaks to the wind and rain and saves us from capsizing.  Other times he remains quiet.  He doesn't stop the storm, but allows it to fully envelop our lives- and in some cases-  bring death.  He hasn't left us, and he isn't intending evil or harm to us, but he knows what we have yet to know.  He sees the victory after death.  He knows the path to freedom, peace, and true faith will only come through the pain of persecution, sorrow, and death.

And he never leaves us.  He never turns his face from us.  He is right there in the middle of all the chaos.  He is the calm in our storm.

Isaiah 43:1-2

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and you pass through the rivers will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

It's Been A Good One...

I could hear the squeals and giggles traveling down the hallway this morning.  The kids were awake on their first day of Christmas break.  Joel offered to get up and take care of breakfast.  I started thinking about making the coffee.  Then, before we jumped up to start the day, we remembered that my parents were downstairs ready to attend to the needs of our children.  Relieved, we rolled over and drifted back to sleep.

As I lay there, eyes closed, I began to reflect on the past year.  My thoughts lingered upon, and recounted,  all the blessings God has poured out on my family.  As the list grew, tears filled my eyes and spilled down my cheeks.  Overwhelmed by his graciousness, his faithfulness, and his mercy, I whispered a faint "Thank you" to the One who has made all things complete.  To the One who heard my spoken and unspoken prayers and pleas - to the One who heard the heart behind my words - and turned his ear to me.

One year ago I struggled to find joy in the season.  I found peace and contentment in the One to whom the season belongs, but there was nothing extraordinary that marked the passing year.  Thankful for God's faithfulness, I wrapped up the year realizing that God was good even without a lot of fan-fair and magic.  Looking ahead to 2010, I honestly had no big expectations.  I never dreamed that so much could change in one year.

One year ago, I was simply grateful for the mercy and grace God extended to me.  A year later, I continue to be grateful for God's mercy and grace.  This year, however, I have seen that God not only gives us joy in difficulties, or hope in dire circumstances, but he also seasons our lives with moments of unbridled happiness.

Happiness oftentimes gets a bad wrap because it is contingent upon our circumstances.  We are taught that the joy of the Lord is of greater value than fleeting moments of happiness.  Yet, this year has revealed to me something quite contrary.  God allows us to feel happy...genuinely happy...because he is that kind of loving Father.  He allows us to go through hard times, difficult seasons, and painful experiences, so that the depth of our faith is substantial and sound, and our joy is complete in God and God alone.  However, he doesn't forget that a dose of happiness every now and then is as equally satisfying and fulfilling as a joyful disposition.  When my kids wake up on Christmas morning, eyes bulging from the pile of gifts and treasures under our tree, I take great delight in their uninhibited happiness.  God is the same way.  When happy moments come, and we enjoy them fully, I believe he, too, sits back and smiles with delight.

This year, I am feeling overwhelmed with not only the peace that passes understanding that God has poured into my heart, but I am bursting at the seams with sheer happiness.  God has not only satisfied my needs this year, but he has also satisfied the desires of my heart.  Today I am reflecting upon and enjoying these happy moments.

One year.  One God.  One moment to say thank you to the One from whom ALL blessings flow.

Complete

There are difficult seasons of life that God, in his sovereignty, allows us to walk through.  Loss, depression, fear, or sickness, they sneak up and shake the ground beneath us.  In moments of faith and clarity we speak beyond our circumstances and look to the hope that awaits us.  But sometimes those seasons last longer than we expected.  They linger.  They outstay their welcome, and we begin to wonder- uncomfortably shifting in our position of faith-  if perhaps there will be no end to the night.  We acknowledge that God is our Savior and that he can do all things, but maybe he has no intention of moving this particular mountain from our way.  Maybe this is as good as it will ever get.  We trudge along, living heavy lives with unmet expectations.  

I am certain we can all agree that every good and perfect gift comes from our Heavenly Father.  I have only to look upon the precious faces of my three little ones and there is no doubt in my mind that this is true.  Looking back on all the ways God has provided for my family, spared us grief and heartache, and walked alongside us through difficulties over this past year, I am confident that my God takes care of me.  My God cares.  However, dissatisfaction has been growing over the past few months.  At first, this lack of satisfaction was directed towards God.  While he has answered some of my prayers, there were always loose ends that never seemed to be taken care of.  I thought God was a God who not only answered prayer, but also took care of the details.  Without sounding like an ingrate, I was really expecting more from God.  As the dissatisfaction grew, my heart became more and more stirred to look at the way I was praying and to what degree of faith I was believing.  It didn't take long for me to realize that it wasn't God who was neglecting to tie up the loose ends and complete the answer.  Rather, it was my lack of faith that God could really answer my prayers completely.  I was only believing for a piece-mealed answer instead of believing for a full-fledged miracle.  And I will admit, I have lived out this small and cynical faith most of my life.

God is the God of the complete.  He is not the God of half-hearted answers.  He doesn't throw us a bone every now and then in order to keep us loosely tethered to his side.  God is the God who promises to deliver us, and that deliverance is final.  God is the God that promised to provide and supply all of our needs, and the supply he brings is an abundant one, overflowing.  God is the God who heals and leaves no trace of sickness behind.  God is the God of completion.

My faith has been about as big as the answers I've been given, and I believe God is stirring my heart to a bigger more adventurous kind of faith.  A faith that believes in complete answers.  A faith that believes in a complete God.

Judges 6:16 "The Lord answered, 'I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.'"  God was speaking to Gideon, who was a lot like me in the faith department, and exhorting him that when Gideon stepped out to fight, God would complete the battle.  It wouldn't be a piece-mealed victory.  It would be a complete victory.

I Chronicles 16:11,12 "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek His face always.  Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgements he pronounced."

Isaiah 45:2-3 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.  I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

Matthew 17:20-21 "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you."

I am believing for a complete answer to prayer.  I am placing my faith, not in what I can understand or conceptualize, but in a God who promises to do a complete work.  I am believing that God is the God of completion, and I am waiting in expectation.

So, what about those seasons of unmet expectations?  What about those years of God's silence?

God allows us to drink the bitter waters of pain, sorrow, loss, and silence for one reason, and that is so we may be able to give God the glory when the sweet springs of restoration and healing pour into and then out of our lives.  Nothing happens to us, or in us, that hasn't first passed through the hands of our Savior.  He never allows us to drink bitter waters without his permission.  And he never permits something that will not fit into the complete picture of his deliverance and answer.  Even the dark seasons serve a purpose in the completion of his victory.  And when the mountain that has blocked our way for too many years tumbles once and for all into the sea of our past, we will stand in awe of a God who has never left us, has been in constant contact, and not once took his hand from our lives.  And the glory belongs to him.

Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Believing God for bigger things.  Trusting his ways in the completion of the answer.  Never wavering, but always hoping.  And when it is done, it will be COMPLETE!