again

I am here again,

Needing your grace again,

Pouring out my heart again,

You have proven faithful again.

I tried again,

To go my own way again,

And you drew me back again,

Your mercy sustains again.

I come weary again,

God, I'm empty and tired again,

I'm reaching for you again,

You hold me in grace again.

So desperate again,

My soul aches for your Word again,

My hands lifted to you again,

Your presence refreshes again.

Broken again,

Clinging to you again,

Your hands lift me up again,

You make all things new again.

I won't move again,

Waiting for you again,

Pausing and quiet again,

You come and renew again.

Peaceful and still again,

Such love abounds again,

You hold nothing back again,

You meet every need again.

Lord, I am here again.

ambition will get you nowhere

We strive. We push. We plan. We pursue. Through blood, sweat and tears we power on to meet our goals, fix our problems and cling to control.

In our striving, pushing, planning and pursuing, we oftentimes find ourselves empty, weary, angry and spent.

We gained, but we also lost.

Ambition will eventually fade into either self-reliance and pride, or depression and loss of joy. While it sounds respectable and commendable, the unintended consequences can lead us further from the heart of God rather than the closeness with Christ that we are longing for. Even if the work is good, and even if it centers on Christ, it is the heart - our hearts - that take a beating.

Goals and plans and hard work are not to be discounted. In fact, God commends a studious and faithful worker! Laziness is not the alternative for ambition. However, ambition, as noble is it may seem, will get you nowhere.

So counter cultural, I know! Most of us in our western mindset can hardly fathom this concept that ambition might not be God's perfect way. Ambitious people win the world! How dare I question the motives and outcomes of ambition?

My answer: Jesus.

"After the approval of heaven at Jordan came the assault of hell; after the dove, the devil. This is the usual order in spiritual experience, and in this the Master was no exception."  J. Oswald Sanders

After his baptism, and after God's public approval, came what we know to be Christ's wilderness experience. Forty days of fasting and prayer. Alone. Pulled out of the public square and into battle. Temptation came at him. And while his body was weak and weary, Christ did not succumb to the prodding and agitating words of the tempter. It was out of this experience that Christ modeled for us the "how to's" to following God's call.

In our human nature when God invites us to join him in pursuit of a dream, a calling, a ministry - whatever it might be - we instantaneously want to grab it by the horns and make it happen. Bend it into submission. Work ourselves to the bone in order to see the end result. I find it convicting that Christ did nothing of that nature when God's mantle was placed upon him.

Rather than jump into his role as the Son of God - God incarnate - picking disciples, embarking on a preaching circuit, and disrupting the status quo, he first went into the wilderness.

We hate the wilderness. We try so hard to avoid it at all costs.

But if Christ is our model, and if Christ chose the wilderness over an ambitious agenda to please his Father, what makes us think we can avoid the wilderness ourselves? Are we better than our sinless Savior?

Interesting to me that the second temptation that came to Christ was in the form of  ambition - the desire to achieve things. (1)

Tempted to jump off of the highest point of the Temple and to command his angels to save him, Christ refused. The Jews were waiting for a Messiah that would overthrow the government, wield his power and position and stun them with his wonders. This stunt would have given the world what it wanted. But it was not God's way.

Ambition can get us what we want, but it may not be God's perfect way.

Humbling and convicting, so often is Christ's example to me. We have to fight hard to overcome the mindset of this world, even in the world of ministry where self-promotion, numerical success, attractive ministries, attractive ministers, cross-less expectations, full bellies and hungry hearts are common distractions. The way of Jesus is so counterintuitive. Completely upside down to our societal and cultural norms. And yet so affirming and satisfying.

"For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:30 (NLT)

Chasing after dreams and obeying the call of God was never meant to leave us empty, weary, angry and spent. Pursuing God's call and mission was meant to be a joy...a task, perhaps, beyond our capabilities, but well within our reach.

I think the lesson in all of this is that before we begin the task, we must spend time in the wilderness.

Let the wilderness drive us closer to Jesus.

Let the wilderness teach us the heart of God.

Let the wilderness instruct us in the rhythms of God's grace.

Let the wilderness empower us for the task ahead.

Ambition will get you nowhere.

Submission to the wilderness will lead us to Jesus.

"We long for showy fruit when the Lord calls us to focus on clinging to him. We want to produce, but he reminds us that he provides as we abide. Abiding is not inactive." Ruth Chou Simons

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

1. The Incomparable Christ, by J. Oswald Sanders, page 87

He calls you by name

During World War II more than 140,000 wartime prisoners served in Japanese POW camps. Thousands of them died from exhaustion, dehydration and starvation. However, for many it was not the inhumane living conditions that threatened their survival, but the constant mental and emotional abuse suffered daily at the hands of the Japanese prison guards. The dehumanization of their souls was more than they could bear, and for many, the loss of hope and the crisis of identity was beyond survival. We have an enemy. We often do not fight flesh and blood, but our battles rage in the mind. Our enemy would love to steal our identity. He knows that if he can crush our dignity and distort our identity, then he will win.

Maybe you are a mom, working feverishly to juggle all of the demands of your family, and in your most mentally exhausted state of mind, you hear a little voice in your head telling you, "You are not good enough".

Maybe you've been trying to have a baby for years, and things are not working out the way you had planned. Disappointment, hurt and anger begin to set in. And in quiet, lonely moments you hear a little voice in your head telling you, "You are not worthy".

Maybe you are single, hoping to find true love, someone to spend the rest of your life with, but time and time again you find yourself broken-hearted and rejected. And in those moments perhaps you hear a little voice in your head telling you, "You are unlovable".

Maybe you have hit a moment of crisis in your life, and depression has settled in like thick fog on a winter morning. You can't seem to rise above it or see beyond it, and you hear a little voice in your head telling you, "You are not strong enough".

I don't know the narrative playing in your head. I don't know what lies are trying to steal away your dignity, and essentially your identity, and I don't know if your faith is at its breaking point.  I do know, however, that the God who created all things created you. And I know that he knows you and has called you by name.

"Fear not: for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

God has redeemed you.

God has called you by name.

You belong to God.

When you feel your identity is being threatened, just remember to whom you belong.  Don't lose hope.  Don't let the enemy run away with your identity.  You belong to the God of all creation.  You belong to King of kings.

He calls you by name.  And he says, "You are mine".

the other side

"And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Colossians 2:15

That phrase, "triumphing over them" means "a general's triumph who returns victorious". (Matthew Henry's Commentary) Think about that. Christ's death on the cross stripped the enemy of all power and control. No longer are we captive to the struggles and trials of this world. We walk in the same triumphant procession that Christ walked in through his resurrection. On the other side of the cross we stand redeemed and victorious.

There is healing on the other side.

There is redemption on the other side.

There is joy on the the other side.

There is freedom on the other side.

There is laughter on the other side.

There is hope on the other side.

There is forgiveness on the other side.

There is dancing on the other side.

There is remembrance on the other side.

There is fullness on the other side.

There is the promise of more on the other side.

There is blessing on the other side.

On the other side of our brokenness...on the other side of our grief...on the other side of all the letting go and hard goodbyes...

...there is Jesus.

On the other side of the cross we have victory.

On the other side of pain we are triumphant.

On the other side of death there is the resurrection.

Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us.

And he will see us through to the other side.

take my life, Lord

"Our significance is measured by the size of the cause that we live for and the price we are willing to pay to accomplish it." - John York

Two years ago I felt a little nudge. Not just me, but my husband, Joel, as well. It was subtle at first - like someone tapping on my shoulder, lightly. As the tapping progressed, it became more and more challenging to ignore it. It reminded me of the countless times one of our children has tried to (not-so-discreetly) get our attention in a crowd, and the longer they have to wait, the more urgent the tapping becomes. Eventually, the light tapping on my shoulder gave way to an undeniable nudge that something, or someone, was trying to get my attention.

Joel and I began praying. Before we tried to fix the internal discomfort we were feeling, we knew we needed to take all of these emotions and questions and bring them to God. And so we did.

We prayed for a year, and then we knew. We knew God had released us from our current church. We didn't know what that meant immediately or long term, but we knew that God was beginning to shift the direction of our future.

And so, we began to pray some more. This time for direction, clarity and wisdom.

During much of this time of prayer and seeking, there was one "knock on our door" that our hearts continued to return to: Malawi, Africa. It seemed preposterous. So completely out of the realm of reality. And yet, there it was. And there it continued to be. Five months of focussed prayer, fasting and waiting went by. And then we knew, again. God was not just releasing us from our current church, but he was getting ready to sweep us off of our feet and carry us into an entirely new season of ministry.

Missions.

So many emotions surface when you realize that God's redirection is far from anything you could have ever conceived on your own. It took me a few months to wrap my mind around this shift in paradigm. Ministry was always where my heart was, and for most of my 20's I thought I would be a missionary, but then life happened. Our roots began to settle in Stateside ministry. Twenty more years went by. Missions was a lifetime ago. I couldn't conceive that the call to missions was now.

Oftentimes we lift up prayers or sing beautiful songs that declare our heart's dedication to following Jesus. We are willing to surrender all in moments of emotion or when we come to the end our ourselves. Through this journey that Joel and I have been on for almost two years, I have felt the gentle hands of God chipping away at my expectations, my plans, my agendas and my dreams. The hardcore and real surrendering has been a process. The heart dedication to following Jesus has been refining.

I have watched as opportunities and ministries that I knew I was made for pass right over me, and I have wondered out loud to God, "Why?"

I have felt rejection and uninvited and cried like a teenage girl, "What are you doing, God?"

And in response I have heard a faint whisper deep in my heart, "Am I enough for you?"

Last spring, during a particularly painful part of this journey for me, I recalled the old hymn, Take My Life and Let It Be. The words of this song stuck in my head. And for months afterwards I could hear the melody, and I would find myself singing along.

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee

Take my moments and my days, let them flow in endless praise

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love

Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee

Take my voice and let me sing, always, only for my King

Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee

Take my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold

Take my intellect and use every power as Thou shalt choose

Take my will and make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine

Take my heart it is Thine own, it shall be Thy royal throne

Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store

Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee

- Frances Ridley Havergal -

When Joel and I obeyed the leading of God to join His work on the mission field, our hearts began to beat a little bit faster. When we had come to the consensus that obeying God, surrendering our preconceived ideas of ministry and our future to Him, suddenly the most overwhelming sense of God's peace invaded our hearts. It truly is peace that passes understanding. There are so many parts of this call to missions that don't add up or make sense in our very calculated and structured lives.

But God's peace.

His assurance that he is with us reminds us that no matter how challenging the road before us, Jesus will be right there with us.

His promise to supply all of our needs keeps our heads in check when things don't add up on paper.

His light before us, shining just bright enough for the next step ahead, keeps us dependent and builds an unshakable faith.

And so, Joel, myself, and our four children - Sydney, Brooklyn, Jackson and Jasper - are embarking on a new quest. A new chapter. A new season of life, calling, ministry. There is no turning back.

And we say, "Take our lives, Lord, and let them be...".

quiet time

Quiet Time (1994)

An early morning prayer

A song to the sky

My heart lays before you

The Spirit draws nigh

Adoration and music

Praise abounds from my soul

I fall in love with my Savior

His touch makes me whole

I whisper His name

The heavens rejoice

A new language unfolds

Ringing clear from my voice

In the name of the Father

I bow to the knee

I surrender with promise

My Lord strengthens me

The sun rises before me

I look to the dawn

Fresh fragrance of morning

To its scent I am drawn

For this day I am grateful

For the rich living streams

Of the unwritten poem

The beginning of dreams

brokenness is not failure

"A divine romance exists between the broken and their Creator." - Embracing Brokenness, by Alan Nelson

Before God can do great things through us, he must do great things in us. And oftentimes this work comes with a price.

Brokenness.

We see brokenness as failure, God sees greatness.

We see brokenness as the end, God sees it as a beginning; an opportunity for deeper intimacy with him.

The soul that is withered, weak and clinging to Jesus as the only source of life, hope, healing and redemption is the soul that has found true humility at the foot of the cross. And when I say "the foot of the cross" I'm not referring to those emotionally charged moments when we cry out to God for help. What I mean is that at the foot of the cross we begin to see ourselves exactly as we are. We see our mess. We see our sin. We see every mishap and wrongdoing. And we see Jesus.

Brokenness is that point in our journey when we allow Jesus to climb into the mess of our lives so that he can begin to pull out the debris that has kept us from full surrender and abundance. Brokenness is where the old dies away.

It's not a pretty sight.

It hurts.

It gets plain ugly.

Nobody knows quite what to do with a broken person.

In fact, we try so hard to fix the broken people, don't we? We can't handle it. It's too much for us. We think if we sing the right songs, pump them up with Scripture, and make sure they're clothes are neat and pressed that somehow we can will them out of brokenness. But it is futile. Not one of us can shortcut the work of God both in our own lives and in the lives of others. We can't pull out of brokenness prematurely. When we do, the work goes unfinished. Brokenness, as bitter as it is, must be seen all the way to the end.

It's okay to be broken.

Brokenness is not failure.

Brokenness is the most precious gift we could ever bring to God.

"You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:16,17

Brokenness is not the end...it is the beginning of redemption, and it is the season before greatness. It is the refining that is needed to fully embrace God's position in our lives and his plan for our future.

The breaking will not last forever, but it is not gone for good.

God allows seasons of brokenness to come in and out of our lives as long as there is something inside of us that needs to be squeezed out. The purest olive oil is the result of a long and necessary process. One crush of the olive can't produce the kind of oil that satisfies. It takes time, it takes pressure, it takes pain.

Please hear me out...if you are breaking, you are not failing. If you are broken, you have not failed. God is already at work producing in you the character, the strength, the compassion woven deep within your heart to stand in victory on the other side of this journey. His hand has not left you. His hand is holding you. He is holding your tears, your cries of "I don't understand why this is happening", your losses and your dark days.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 35:18

The world may see failure. God sees greatness.

"Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure." Ecclesiastes 7:3-4

gracious

Gracious God in the morning

Your guiding hand through the day

You hold my moments and my mistakes

You are never far away.

Glorious God of the sunset

Painting skies in marvelous hues

Your patient love sustains me

Your promise will see me through.

Generous God of the bedtime hour

When I lay my head down for the night

You have been my sure provider

You draw us in and hold us tight.

God is gracious: John 1:16 "From His abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another."

God is glorious: Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."

God is generous: Psalm 3:5 "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me."

it's okay to struggle

The struggle is real.

Disappointment happens. Things don't go the way we thought they would. Friends stop being friendly. Boyfriends and girlfriends break up. We don't get the solo in the school performance. We don't make the team. Our team loses the game. People move away. Jobs change. Homes change. We wrestle with sickness, financial hardship, unanswered questions and broken dreams.

That earnest fight to fix what is broken, turn back the hands of time, or rewrite history are all a part of the struggle. And while we can't fix what is broken, turn back the hands of time or rewrite history, we can allow the struggle to invade our happy place and give it free access to do its work in our lives. Our struggle, whether big or small, if given permission, will produce in us the faith that will serve us well throughout our lives and be the blessing our souls are longing for.

Powerful life lessons and skills can be developed only through hard things, and the following are a few of my thoughts on that:

1. The struggle makes you strong. You are strong when you struggle seems a little contradictory, but it is true. Some people are born with a natural inner fortitude. For the rest of us, this inner fortitude is developed through struggle, pain and challenges that God allows to fall in our path. The strongest people I know are the ones who have walked through hard things. If you want to be strong, don't resist the struggle.

2. The struggle cultivates empathy. People who have struggled tend to look at others' struggles with much more empathy and grace. If we allow our hurt to heal and not turn us bitter, then we have the opportunity to love hurting people with greater insight, sincerity and compassion. Empathy creates openness. The world is starving for it.  Allow God to cultivate the gift of empathy in you so that you become the conduit of grace that this world so desperately needs.

3. The struggle leads to triumph. You will never know what true victory feels like until you've had to struggle. It's like the story of the butterfly. In order to become the beautiful specimen of nature that God created it to be it first has to struggle to break out of its cocoon. There is no other way to experience this freedom than through pain. We love to see the beauty, but we hate to feel the struggle. Once we break through, and allow the struggle to run its course, we can then experience the joy and reward of the triumph.

4. The struggle writes a better story. We all love stories. The best ones keep us on our toes. Our heroes and heroines fight through battles, overcome obstacles and all kinds of set backs, and we love it. A story without struggle is a story no one wants to read. Don't let your current moment of hard steal your opportunity to grow, learn and write a better story.

5. The struggle leads you to Jesus. Some struggles come and they go. They bear down on our lives for a season of time, but eventually we come out on the other side. Yet some struggles leave us a little bit broken. The night before Jacob met his brother Esau he wrestled with an angel (Genesis 32). During this struggle the angel touched the socket of Jacob's hip leaving him with a limp. This limp that he carried with him until his grave was not to be resented or disdained, but to be a reminder to him that his struggle resulted in God's blessing upon his life. We often see the scars of our struggles as a sort of handicap, that thorn in our flesh that keeps us from success and goodness. But every wound that God allows to pierce our flesh or touch our souls is meant to remind us that he has seen us through. His blessing is his presence and his Spirit holding us and keeping us together. The struggles that leave us a little bit broken are the struggles that lead us into deeper intimacy with Jesus.

We all will walk through struggles as we walk through this life. And I want you to know that it's okay. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to not have it all together. If we just hang in there, keep wrestling, keep holding on, God's blessing will fall upon our lives and our stories will be records of victory and not defeat.

Yes, the struggle is real. But God is real too. And it's okay to struggle.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

the feeble chosen

"And yet, grace can make a few feeble instruments the means of accomplishing great things - things greater even than we can conceive." William Burns

You are called.

Sometimes that calling takes you to a place of brokenness. Sometimes it opens doors that make your heart leap. There is always a cost to following God's call, but there is also great blessing.

We are but "feeble instruments".

And yet we are chosen.

Every courageous step of faith requires courageous sacrifice and obedience.

But it is no sacrifice at all once we get to the other side. On the other side we see that there is no price too high for the blessing of obedience. Because "He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it." (Thessalonians 5:24)

Ultimately, the call of God is a call to obedience. Surrender. It can sometimes be scary, overwhelming, too big and too much.

It can spur on the naysayers, "Are you sure you're called to do this?" "Do you really have what it takes?"

Probably not.

But, if God is saying "GO", then you obey, because yes you are called.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

He who promised is faithful. God is faithful...to each promise, to each command, to each word he speaks. God cannot lie. His word is truth. So, when God promises to be faithful, we can stand on that with confidence and grace and assurance.

I love that God chooses the feeble. I am grateful that the call of God is not limited to the fit, the strong, the gifted and the most admirable. That he chooses the most unlikely among us, that he goes to such extremes to find us, and that he seals his call with his promise makes me wonder why I would ever take pause to seize such an invitation.

When you find yourself buckling under the weight of his call, remember he says to you, "I am with you, mighty warrior." (Judges 6). When it feels too big, and you feel too small, remember his promise to be with you, "I will never leave you or forsake you." (Joshua 1).

Remember he is faithful.

The feeble chosen don't cling to their own abilities and accomplishments. The feeble chosen cling to the hope of the one who has called.

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:9-10

this is the only way it could ever be

I get dead set, locked in, singularly focussed on the only way it could ever be, and oftentimes I walk away disappointed. I think I've figured it out. I think I've weighed every option. I think there is no other path that could end as happily as the one I've constructed in my imagination. And so quickly I find out how wrong I was.

My "this is the only way it could ever be" gets trumped by God's "my thoughts are not your thoughts", "my ways are not your ways", and I have to release my "only way" to his greater, higher, and most perfect way.

I'm not a newbie on this faith walk, but I've still got quite a ways to go to understand that the things I tend to set my heart upon are not always the things that keep in rhythm with the heartbeat of God. It's not that I'm chasing after bad things, unhealthy things, unholy or ungodly things. Typically, the dreams I'm chasing are good. But they're not higher. They tend to only scratch the surface of the magnitude of God's dreams. I can't always see that in the short term. I think I've lost something important and significant. It is only when I step back and watch as the narrow, pinhead size view I was looking at suddenly begins to open up to a panoramic masterpiece, that I realize my life is in much greater hands when I surrender to him.

Maybe you can identify with something a journaled some time ago when my heart was longing for a "yes", and God said "no":

"When disappointment and loss enters our lives it doesn't walk in nonchalantly with a, 'That's a bummer,' and walk back out. No. On the contrary, when disappointment and loss show up it usually charges in like a freight train, full speed ahead. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what hit you. And when the shock of it wears off, we are left to grieve."

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my Mighty Rock, my refuge. TRUST IN HIM at all times, O people; POUR OUT YOUR HEARTS TO HIM, for God is our refuge."        Psalm 62

When our "this is the only way it could ever be" gets overshadowed by his greater, higher, and most perfect way, may we remember to trust in Him. This present disappointment may feel like the cold steel of a freight train bearing down on you right now, but the beauty of God's most perfect way will one day make every other dream you've ever held in your hand seem but a shadow in comparison.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off." Isaiah 55:8-13

To truly comprehend the beauty of what he has called higher, we must surrender our "this is the only way it could ever be" to him. Whatever disappointment he has allowed to fall from heaven he will most assuredly redeem. He will water and nourish the greater dream, and we too will go out with singing, and understanding, and deep knowing that God's way is the only way it could ever be.

you are not "just a" anything

When you change that diaper, you are changing the world.

When you are a round-the-clock nurse for three sick little ones, you are changing the world.

When you wake up at 5am to shower and get ready for work so that you can be ready and available to your family as they prepare for school and work, you are changing the world.

When you meet that friend at the coffee shop and listen and encourage and pray for her as she struggles through the darkest season of her life, you are changing the world.

When you stay up late and process all of life's heartaches with your teenager, you are changing the world.

When you finally sit down for that cup of coffee and the baby wakes up, so you go and care for him because he needs you, you are changing the world.

When you wrap that gift for an orphan you may never meet, you are changing the world.

When you write that note to that person that God has placed on your heart, and you're really not sure why, you are changing the world.

In your sweats or in your power suit; whether at home with a gaggle of babies all around you or hopping on a plane for the remotest part of Africa; whether you are mentoring a small group of young women or preaching to thousands...when you do what God has called you to do today, and when you walk in obedience to where he has you today, let me be very clear...you are changing the world. You are not "just a...stay-at-home mom, office manager, Sunday school teacher, nursery volunteer, dog walker, nurse, wife, soccer mom, student...anything".

You are a world changer!

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Ephesians 2:10

losing streak

Last night we cheered on Brooklyn and her team while they lost another basketball game in a long succession of losses this season. We have five more games to go, and we are hopeful to bring, at least, one win home this year. Some games have been so close that I am convinced my heart is going to stop beating, while other games have been awash from the start of the first quarter.

Losing is the worst. In fact, even admitting that my daughter's basketball team is on a losing streak is really quite humbling. We love winners. And we love being winners. Nobody loves losing.

But losing is a part of life. I wish that weren't true. I wish there was a way to bypass losing altogether, but no matter how we try to create nonsensical awards and convince our kids that "everyone's a winner", losing still happens. And it's hard.

In spite of this losing streak, there are some things that I am learning as I help Brooklyn navigate through the emotions and disappointments that come with losing. In life we are not guaranteed that everything we set our hands to do is going to be successful. There will be times when we are on the winning team, and times when it seems we can't pull a win out to save our lives. I really hate those seasons of failure, but those seasons are usually the ones that have taught me the most about myself, the value of team, and how to keep pressing on without giving up hope.

Here are five lessons that we are learning through this losing streak:

1. Sloppy passing will lose the game. As I have watched Brooklyn and her teammates tackle some pretty tough competitors one thing I have noticed is the sheer panic that washes over them as the game intensifies. With this panic comes an inability to think straight, and when they are not thinking straight, they throw the ball away. Passing gets sloppy. Instead of thinking it through they try to get rid of the ball as quickly as they can, and typically pass it to the opposing team.

I get it. When I played basketball in high school I felt like it was more of a game of hot potato. Nobody wanted the ball because we were terrified of what to do once we had the ball. So instead of making calculated passes, we threw it and hoped someone from our team would catch it.

I see this play out in so many areas of life besides the court. When things aren't going well, or we start seeing more losses than wins, passing becomes sloppy. We don't want want to hold the project for too long because we aren't quite sure what to do with it, or we're afraid that we'll get stuck with the hot potato and bear the weight of the loss. So we throw it out there hoping someone will catch it and take it to the basket. But most of the time, we lose the ball altogether.

Which leads to the second lesson in losing...

2. Tunnel vision dribbling isolates us from our team. From my little spot on the sidelines I try my best, without embarrassing Brooklyn in the process, to encourage (scream loudly) the girls to keep their eyes up when they are dribbling the ball. (Just by typing that sentence I can feel my blood pressure rising...PLEASE keep your eyes up when dribbling the ball!) While they are improving each game and are growing in their confidence, they continue to struggle to keep their heads up when they have the ball.

Why is that such a big deal? When we have our heads down we are only focussed on our position, the ball being in our hands, our pathway to the hoop, and we lose sight of our team. We start to think that everything begins and ends with me. We can't see what is going on around us. When our eyes are down we miss opportunities to pass the ball to our open teammates. When our eyes are down the the chance of turning over the ball increases 100%. When our eyes are down we forget that we are part of a team and not a one-man show.

In life, as in basketball, when we're dribbling down the court we need to keep our eyes up. We need to look for our teammates, and be visually aware of our opponent. And then we need to make smart passes.

3. It not only takes skill, but wisdom, when taking an outside shot. Brooklyn and her team have grown tremendously in the area of shooting since their first game. Kind of along the same vein as my first point, early in the season I could see panic rise up as the clock was ticking and we were heading for another loss. The girls started tossing the ball from the three point line, fingers crossed, hopeful it would swish right in. Unfortunately, none of those shots made it, and once again we would lose the ball. Even some of the more skilled shooters would see the scoreboard instead of the team around her, and take the shot only to watch it bounce off the rim.

While I am not encouraging anyone to never take risks, because sometimes the best wins come from some risky plays, what I am trying to say is that the "it's all up to me" attitude in basketball, and in life, will only lead to more loss. When we see our team, our organization, our family, or our friends circle struggling it can feel out of control. Nobody likes to feel out of control. It's a horrible feeling. But the fastest way to kill the team is to take the game into our own hands and completely dismiss our teammates.

While risky shooting can be exciting, and even beneficial if the shot makes it in the basket, it oftentimes alienates the rest of the team, and is not a guarantee of a win. When we're doing life with people there may be times when our teammate has a better chance of making the shot, and we need to pass the ball. Even if we feel super confident in our own skills, if our teammate is open and under the basket, then we need to pass...and make it a good pass. This doesn't necessarily mean our teammate will make the shot, but we have definitely upped the odds for a win.

4. The fastest way to kill a team is by playing the blame game. Gratefully, Brooklyn's team excels at positive reinforcement. I give all the credit to her fantastic and gifted coaches. They have instilled in these girls a value that will serve them well for the rest of their lives: lift each other up, don't tear each other down.

When we're losing it becomes so easy to start pointing fingers. I think the root of that is insecurity. "If that other person had done a better job then we wouldn't be in this position." And in one statement the team dies.

When we win, we ALL win. And when we lose, we ALL lose. Losing in a team sport in not the fault of any one player, but a reflection of the entire team.

And finally...

5. It's okay to fail. I said it earlier, and I'll say it again, everyone loves a winner. Nobody wants to lose. But the greatest lessons in my life actually came out of failure. I gained more wisdom in one mistake than I could ever achieve in a record breaking streak of winning. Life is going to hand us all some really tough competitors, and if we get knocked down for a season, there is nothing that says we can't get back up and try again the next time around. To assume that we only have one chance, one opportunity, one "golden moment" in life is preposterous. When we fail we learn, we grow, we see our weaknesses, we recalibrate and then we try again.

If you're on a losing streak right now, don't assume this is the end of the game. Or the end of your career. There is always another season coming. There is always another game to play. Don't give up. The Bible is filled with people who failed their first time out on the court. And yet, God didn't bench them for the rest of the season. He put them back in the game. He knew they would finish well...and they did.

Remember your team. You're not playing this game alone. Watch your passes, keep your eyes up, utilize the gifts of your teammates, you're not alone when you lose and you're not alone when you win, and don't be discouraged when failure comes.

Trust me...a win is coming.

let's start at the end

"There is a time for departure, even when there's no certain place to go." - Tennessee Williams

I wrote a little bit about transition last week. Mostly, it was a word of encouragement to cling to the anchor, God, when the seas of change and transition get rough.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

Hebrews 6:19

I don't know if it is because our family has come through a massive transition with adding another baby to the mix, or if it is because I am surrounded by friends and family members all experiencing some type of life change, but this topic of transition - and how to walk through it successfully - continues to weigh on my heart. If we could sit at a table together, pour the coffee, tea (whatever your preference), I would share a glimpse of what I have learned, and continue to learn, from my own seasons of transition. Since not all of us can sit face to face, I thought I would jot down a few thoughts I have on these seasons of change.

Here are some common transitions that I have experienced, and those around me are experiencing:

1. Going from a family of two to a family of three (or three to four, etc.).

2. A new job.

3. A move (whether that be from one part of the city to another, or one part of the country to another).

4. Organizational changes.

5. Loss of a loved one.

I am sure there are more. In fact, if you are experiencing one that I have not mentioned, please feel free to add your thoughts in the comments section.

While some of these changes are welcomed into our lives, the period of transition - and the psychological adjustment to the breadth and width of these changes - oftentimes takes us by surprise. We know that this change is necessary, but we struggle with the weight of emotions that come with the change.

That is why, in order to successfully transition, we must start at the end.

In his book, Managing Transitions, William Bridges writes this:

Before you can begin something new, you have to end what used to be. Before you can learn a new way of doing things, you have to unlearn the old way. Before you can become a different kind of person, you must let go of your old identity. Beginnings depend on endings. The problem is, people don't like endings. Yet change and endings go hand in hand: change causes transition, and transition starts with an ending.

Endings are hard. Saying goodbye to a person, a way of life, an identity, is hard. However, in order to move forward, we have to pause and allow ourselves to grieve, to let go, to remember and to release what used to be.

The beginning starts at the end.

And every person is different in how long, or simply in how they let go. Nobody is better than anyone else in the middle of transition. However, the letting go must happen. The recognition that the previous way of doing things is gone must take place.

Again in his book, Managing Transitions, William Bridges talks about the three phases of transition: 1. The ending; 2. The neutral zone; 3. The new beginning.

As time marches on, and as we let go, we can find ourselves in a season of "in between". We haven't quite wrapped our minds, our hands, our hearts, around the new thing in our life, but we're not holding on with a death grip to the old. We are in neutral.

Neutral is challenging because, if you are like me, if I'm not holding on to the past then I need to be holding on to something. But sometimes that new something isn't quite set in concrete, and I start to feel unsteady. This is when that anchor becomes our best friend. The temptation is to turn around and run back to the old. We start to romanticize the past, "It really wasn't that bad," or "Maybe we made a mistake," or "I don't think there is any hope for any good to come...the past was as good as it gets." All normal feelings. Our challenge is to keep moving forward, just like the hands on a clock. Remember the past, and cherish it with warmth and affection, but don't let the unsteadiness of the neutral zone keep you from moving ahead.

Eventually the new beginning begins. The new identity is formed. The new family is set in place, and each person knows their place. The new job is familiar, and focus is regained. Life begins to pick up speed once again, and the ground beneath our feet feels secure and good.

Each phase in the transition process is necessary. We can't rush any one of these steps along. If you feel like you are struggling in the letting go, or flustered in the neutral, or if you are walking with someone through a time of transition, please be patient. Be patient with yourself, be patient with that person. All of this takes time.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...He has made EVERYTHING beautiful in its time."

Ecclesiastes 3

We are promised that all things work for our good. The letting go process sometimes doesn't feel good. Sometimes it doesn't even make any sense. This is when we hold tightly to the hope that God is in control, and that all things are in his hands. The season for mourning and grieving is just as necessary as the season of beginning. I think that is why the new must start with the end. This harsh goodbye is only a moment in time, whereas our hope for what is new, what has been ordained by God, will last far beyond our present pain.

Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

*Thoughts and insights on the phases of transition come from the book, "Managing Transitions - Making the Most of Change" by William Bridges, PhD.

the mini-resolution

Confession is good for the soul. That said, I have a confession to make.

I am not a New Year's resolution maker.

(Gasp!) Is the world still standing?

First, and I say this in the kindest way, most of the time I see people (myself included) set all kinds of well intentioned resolutions on January first, and then plummet into a pit of defeat less than a month later because they just couldn't quite keep it all together. Real life caves in and smashes the hopes and dreams of the resolution.

Secondly, there is so much pressure and expectation placed on ourselves to achieve and succeed at our goals that we either become a slave to our resolutions, or we simply quit.

Now, before you jump to conclusions and assume that I am a complete slacker, let me add a little clarity.

I'm not anti-goal setting. And I'm not really anti-resolution making. In fact, I tend to set goals for myself throughout the year, as needed. For instance, before the beginning of the school year I usually set a few personal goals for myself, as well as for my family. If something in my life feels out of whack at any point in the year, I try to address it and make the proper changes. While I don't typically make any type of formal January first commitment, I'm not entirely without purpose.

But this year I decided to try something different, and here is why: There are things that I would really like to implement into my life (disciplines, habits, new challenges), but when I looked at the list as a whole I suddenly became paralyzed. I can't conquer it all at once. Then my sister gave me a brilliant suggestion of setting a goal for each month - the mini-resolution. Instead of trying to cut out sugar, exercise everyday, journal everyday, go vegan, cut out meat etc., etc. all at once, the goal is to choose one thing to work on each month.

And here's the long-term benefit of the mini-resolution...what we resolve to do in January, we will be more likely to continue doing in February, March, April...all year long. It takes doing something 20 times (or 20 days) to create a new habit. After having mastered one goal over the course of one month, the hope is that this will have become a new way of living. Achievable goals. It's really about taking that big list of New Year's resolutions and breaking them up into 12 bite size resolutions, with the hope and expectation that these new habits will be a new way of living.

Here we are, approximately mid-way through January. If you are like me, and not a hard core resolution maker, it is not too late to set some mini-resolutions. They don't even have to be earth shattering. Trust me. Every season of life brings on its share of limitations and possibilities. If it makes you feel better, one of my goals for 2017 was to fold and put the laundry away the same day I actually did the laundry. Believe me, this was a necessary and challenging goal.

As you make your monthly resolutions, remember to take it one day at a time. Maybe start with asking God for guidance. Seek him first, and then set your plans. We can do this!

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

Proverbs 16:3

waiting room 10/19/2017

Quiet moments of waiting

Wondering

Pondering

Praying

Hoping

Believing

Resting

Trusting

Eyes closed

Tired

Weary

Leaning

Clinging

Crying

It’s all going to be okay

Sitting

Alone

In a corner

I turn my head to look out the window

It’s raining

A fall mist encircles the city below

Uncertainty

Seems to be the word of the day

The musing of my heart

I just want to sit here for as long as I can

Sometimes uncertainty feels more secure than certainty

Trusting

What kind of waiting room are you sitting in today?

Are you waiting for a diagnosis?

Psalm 112:6

Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever.

He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

His heart is secure, he will have no fear.

Are you waiting for direction, clarity on a decision?

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Psalm 40:1

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

Are you getting tired of sitting in the waiting room?

Ecclesiastes 3:11

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Galatians 6:9

Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Isaiah 40:31

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Psalm 130:5

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

Are you wrestling with fear and anxiety in your waiting room?

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Are you struggling to reconcile your season in the waiting room?

Colossians 1:15-17

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible,

whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities -

all things were created through him and for him.

And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

*This waiting room was allowed by God, for God's purposes, for His glory and for our good...and he holds us together through each and every minute, hour, day and year that he allows us to stay in this waiting room.

God does his best work in us in the waiting room. Lean in to him. Cling to him. Remain steadfast. God hand is upon you. Trust.

why can't my house look like a magazine cover???

I have this hobby called "tweaking" (moving items from one place to another).  I am constantly tweaking the decorations around my home, which I find to be very therapeutic. It's an outlet for me.  However, recently I found myself not finding any peace or joy in the process of "tweaking". Instead, I was feeling overwhelmed, insecure and ready to pitch in the towel on decorating altogether. In this day and age where social media allows us to catch a glimpse into the homes and the lives of anyone and everyone, it has become ever increasingly easy to compare our lives, homes, outfits, extracurricular activities to those of others.  We know this. I know this.  And yet, I still do it.  I see pictures of centerpieces and kitchens and vignettes and living rooms of women across the country, and they all look so incredibly perfect and clean.  From lighting to accents to pillows and throws, nothing is out of place, and not a wrinkle or crinkle can be found.  While I love these snapshots into the homes of others, I have to be honest with you, it has become a source of anxiety for me.  My love for tweaking has turned into a stressful, obsessive compulsive need for my house to be absolutely perfect, and I start panicking when its time to pick my kids up from school because I know that our kitchen island will soon be overtaken by homework and snacks and all the things.  All.The.Things.

Here's my reality, folks.  Lots of people live in my house.  And while all of those people appreciate the warm and cozy home I work very hard to create, they are in the business of actually living in this home, rather than just looking and admiring the decorations.  While I'm over here crying, "Why can't my house look like a magazine cover???"  They're over there making toast with peanut butter and still leaving a trail of crumbs even after they've wiped the counter down.  Our couch is never smooth.  It always has wrinkles in it and the pillows are typically out of order.  This is because people sit on it, relax on it, and put their feet up for a little snooze or cuddle time.  I love the fashionable, still-life picture perfect magazine cover, they love the functional, practical, this is my house where I can rest, relax and recharge from a long day at work/school.

To pull back the layers of this reality a little deeper, I believe at the heart of this obsessive need for the magazine cover home is image control.  I want everyone to think I have it all together.  That's the bottom line.  But here's the honest to goodness truth: I don't have it all together.  Not at all.  For a nanosecond I might actually believe that I've got a handle on things, and then I peer into the kitchen and that nanosecond is gone, gone baby.  As much as I try, there is no hiding my realness.

Here is what I'm learning right now.  It is not my job to "have it all together".  Colossians 1:16, 17 says: "For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him.  He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."  Regardless of what is seen or unseen, my life is His, and He is holding it all together.  I don't have to have that magazine cover home, and it's okay if the kitchen looks a little out of sorts.  These do not define my worth.

Guess what...we don't need to have it all together.

And digging even deeper still, the issue you might be wrestling with may be much, much weightier than interior design and decorations.  Your struggle may be sickness, a challenging teen, financial setbacks...it could be anything.  I don't know what you're going through right now.  But God does.  He sees the visible and invisible parts of all of our lives.  And he certainly does not expect you to have it all together.  And neither do I.  He's holding you.  Even when it seems unreal, impossible, and overwhelming.  He is holding it all together.

From messy living spaces to hurting hearts and messy lives, God has got it all.  So, let's maybe make a little pact today...how about I stop trying to have the magazine cover house/life, pretending that I've got it all together, and you do the same.  Can we do that? And can we agree that we don't need to have it all together anymore?  And even more so, can we let go of our stuff and allow God to hold all the pieces, all the worries and all of the details we're trying to manage?  And can we extend grace to one-another when there are piles of crumbs on the floor and dishes in the sink?

I think it's worth the try.

it's all under control

"God never fumbles the ball.  If He turns it over to the other side for a few downs, it's because He knows a better way to win."  - John Piper

I like having a plan.  I especially like the good plans.  The kind that took a lot of time and thought and purpose in making.  And I love the control I feel when I've put together one of these good plans.

I don't like to see my plans fall apart.  I am not particularly fond of unforeseen difficulties that interrupt my good plans.  Neither do I enjoy that bitter moment when control slips through my fingers and I am left feeling that my life is at the mercy of someone, or something, else.  I don't just not like it.  I hate it.

As much as losing control of life's steering wheel can knock me off balance, it seems to happen a lot.  I make a plan, and then the plan gets derailed.  I used to get all kinds of worried, anxious and ugly when this happened.  And even still I can have some pretty heated discussions with God over  what I consider the injustice of it all: "Why would you let that happen?"  "What was so wrong with my plan?  You would have gotten plenty of glory out of it." "Did you really need to allow that detour?  Was it really necessary?"

Can you relate?

Have you played 20 Questions with God when your plan fell apart?

This morning I was reminded, once again, that no matter what happens (the good, the bad, or the unexpected), there is absolutely nothing that can interfere with God's purpose for my life.  Nothing.

And the same goes for you.

Proverbs 21:30 says: "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord."

God's plans can not be thwarted.  There is no wisdom higher than his wisdom and no insight deeper than his insight.  As much as I love to control my start to my finish, I will never put together a plan as perfect as God's.  And while I may wrestle with the interruption, I can rest in the knowledge that no matter what happens, it's all under control.  His control.  There is something reassuring in knowing that nothing can succeed against the Lord.

While releasing our grip from our plans can cause us to feel vulnerable and uncertain, we can trust the one who has it under control.  There is no greater joy, and there is no peace as perfect as trusting in the plans of the Lord.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

the cross

And then...the cross. All of our ideologies, politics, platforms & preferences must surrender themselves to the work that was done on the cross. We recognize that suffering is a part of Christ's sacrifice, and so we should not be surprised when life is not always easy or hard things come our way. When we think we are more, or when difficulties & pain are all we see...then the cross. We cannot truly appreciate the resurrection and the hope until we have acknowledged the cross. And we cannot comprehend a perfect love until the cross. Pause for a moment with me.

Psalms 113-118 are the Passover Psalms.  The first two are sung before the Passover meal, and the last three are sung after.  The Jews call them "The Hallel (Praise)".  It is quite possible that Jesus sang "The Hallel" following the Passover meal he shared with his disciples before his death.  The "Hallel" is named this because this grouping of Scriptures are Psalms of praise.

Before Christ suffered...Christ praised.

There are no words.  I am speechless.

When I reflect on all of the pain and suffering of this world, and when I watch humanity fight and bicker and tear each other apart, I then find myself frozen at the cross.

The cross.

Praise before, or perhaps for, the sacrifice.

"And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:2-4

He can not hold on to anything when we encounter the cross.  We can only cling to Jesus, and recognize that while this earth is something we can not always understand or control, whatever circumstance we find ourselves in, we too can glory.  We can boast.  We can praise.

As we enter into this Holy moment, let us enter in as Christ did.  With praise.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; he love endures forever." Psalm 118:29

it's a crumby battle

So many crumbs.  So little time.

I find myself more irritated by the amount of crumbs I find scattered all over the kitchen counter and floor than I am by the big messes around my house.  It seems that no matter how many times I swipe down the counters with a cleaning rag, there are still crumbs that I miss!  I am convinced they reproduce and multiply when I'm not looking.

Isn't that kind of like life?  We prepare ourselves for the BIG stuff that comes our way, but those little irritations and frustrations can send us right off the edge.  We think, perhaps, that faith and trust and obedience are characteristics that we need only to pull out and exercise for the major life changes and catastrophes that come our way.  However, faith, trust and obedience can only mature and develop if we will simply persevere through the crumby battles of life.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Don't let the crumbs take you down.  Yes, dealing with the little things can be so hard, but it is through perseverance that our faith, trust and ability to obey grows deeper...stronger.  I don't know about you, but I really want to face the hard stuff with maturity of faith...and pure joy.

It may be a crumby battle, but those crumbs don't have to win.

Take each mundane frustration, and trust God to see you through it, even if it is simply wiping down your counters for the um-teenth time.

And when the BIG stuff comes your way, because it will, consider it joy.  You have persevered.  You will be made complete.