Unplugging...Temporarily

To my dear friends and readers...  

I'm about to embark on a long anticipated vacation.  I'll be beachin' it for two weeks with my family: the "Slater 5", parents, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

I. can. not. wait.

There will be lots of reading, sleeping, coffee drinking, coffee talking, beach walking, ocean diving, and seafood eating.  There will not be much of anything else: house cleaning, laundry doing, dinner cooking, e-mail corresponding, tweeting, or blogging.  We're unplugging for two weeks and, while little to no internet access makes me a tad bit nervous, I'm anticipating a very relaxing get-away.

I'm sure two weeks will give me plenty of new material to share with you when I return home.  (Flying across the country with three little people.  Lord, have mercy!)

Until then, this is where I'll be...

Friday's Free Advice - Listen To Mom

I was two seconds away from hitting delete and completely doing away with my blog this week.  Then, my dear husband sent me this article written by Michael Hyatt, CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing.  I read it.  It was timely.  I needed a good reminder that, sometimes, I have to go back to the reason and purpose I started blogging and forget all the other stuff.  I decided to keep the blog.  

I started working on my "Friday's Free Advice" today, got five hundred words into it, and stopped.  I called my mom, had a long talk about what's been bumming me out recently, read what I had written out loud to her, and then I deleted the entire draft.  "Too self-deprecating," was her observation.  She went on to encourage me that I can't forget the purpose for which I started my blog and allow these small seasons to develop the gifts and passions that God has given to me.

My mom was right.

I was getting a little side-tracked by a negative response I received from someone I don't even know a few weeks ago.  It was passive-aggressive in nature and really hurt.  (This just goes to show that I haven't quite developed a tough skin yet, which I'm sure takes time.)  Instead of writing from a position of conviction, I was beginning to second-guess every word I typed.  Shame.

So, today I am starting over.  Today is a brand new day...with no mistakes in it yet.  Today I am going to dish out the best advice I can muster up.  Today I am going to give you "Amy" in all her...um...glory?  (Glory is probably stretching it a bit, but I'll just go with it for now.)

Today's Friday's Free Advice: Listen to mom.  She's usually right.  (And Michael Hyatt.  He's got good things to say, too.)

If you are feeling discouraged or frustrated about something near and dear to your heart - parenting, marriage, ministry, career, writing, blogging...whatever it may be - go back to the beginning.  Search your heart and remember why you started out on this journey in the first place.  Rediscover the dream.  Realize that, while you may not be where you want to be right now, you are closer today than you were yesterday.  We all have so far to go, and it's easy to get discouraged or side tracked, but the hope we have is that God isn't finished with us yet.  There's more to your story...and this is only the beginning.

Friday's Free Advice

I had a few ideas for my Friday's Free Advice floating around this mushy brain of mine yesterday (the end of the school year has this kind of effect on me).  I thought about tackling the ups and downs of transition (because I am in the middle of transition right now - going from rigid routine to a more relaxed summer schedule).  However, I read something this morning that literally had me cringing.  So disappointing was the website I perused, that I feel compelled to change the direction of my post.  

What, you may ask, could I have possibly read that would have such an effect on me?  In my "vast" experience (please note the sarcasm here) of networking, I have come across quite a variety of bloggers out here in the web-o-sphere.  Intriguing, to say the least, has this journey been for me.  A few weeks ago I read a very well-written post about raising daughters to be homemakers.  The concept sounded sweet and inoffensive at first.  As I continued reading, however, the subtle, and then not-so-subtle, message  - that it is God's command and calling for ALL women to stay at home and raise daughters for the soul purpose of becoming homemakers - became overwhelmingly apparent.  I nearly fell out of my seat.  It pained me, knowing that thousands of women read this particular blog, and look to the writer as a kind of expert and authority.  So disturbed was I that I spoke up and commented.  I felt like a lone voice in the wilderness.  I'm not about bashing those women who feel called by God to stay home and be homemakers.  I am, however, completely in opposition to the idea that the only place for a woman, in God's perfect design, is the home.  I wrote a little bit about some of my thoughts on this particular subject last week.

Out of curiosity, I decided to do a little informal research this morning.  In some of the banter regarding the "homemaker" philosophy (or theology, as these individuals are preaching), the name "Botkin Sisters" had come up.  I had never heard of these people before, but it sounded like they are pretty influential in this movement.  I Googled them, thinking I would find two elderly women with their hair up in tight buns wearing prairie clothing.  What I found were two very beautiful young women - ages 20 and 23.  I thought to myself, "These are the women responsible for this movement?  You've got to be kidding me!"  That they are lovely and attractive I believe woos young women and mothers who, perhaps, have either been raised in homes that were heavily dysfunctional, or are struggling in difficult marriages.  The fact that they are in their early twenties and delving out advice and "preaching" this distorted doctrine, deeply, and I mean deeply, concerns me.

So, here is my Friday's Free Advice for you:

Oh be careful little eyes what you read in a blog!  Just because a person has a blog, writes well and presents their message in an articulate manner, does not make them an expert!  That includes this blog too.  I am human, completely fallible and certainly capable of error.  Much of what I write is the junk I'm either working through, or full disclosure of my personal dysfunction.  There are times I could actually be wrong (perish the thought!).  If something I write doesn't sit well with you, that might be because it wasn't intended for you.  God was using a particular situation in my life to teach me something personal...and I'm just sharing my journey with you.  If you are truly looking for answers to difficult questions in your life, please, please, go to the Word of God first.  Don't let the blogs out there, and some are really beautiful and well-written, be the light unto your path.  Let God's Word be your light.  Let the blog be a source of encouragement from a distant friend along the path...but never the source of light to your path.

Does this make sense?  I'm certainly NOT asking you to not read my blog anymore...that's not my point at all.  :)  What I am "advising" is to be careful what you read.  I take the "you gotta prove it to me" point of view when I read other blogs (written by individuals that I do not know).  I am extremely critical at the onset.  Time will tell if a blogger is being authentic. 

You may, or may not, agree with this post.  That is okay.  You may, or may not, take my advice.  That is okay too.  The advice is free, and the writer is painfully human.  I think, to be completely honest, this advice is mostly for me.  A good reminder that no matter what I read, or where I look, the Bible should always be the first place I go for instruction. 

What say you?  Have you uncovered some messed up doctrine/theology in your web/blog searches?  Have you been brave enough to speak out when it might not be popular to do so?  Have you read something that left you feeling shamed rather than uplifted...did it confuse or distort the person of Jesus to you?  Let me know...I'm pretty sure we've all been there!

Culture Shock

I'm a mom, and I blog, but I wouldn’t call myself a “mom blogger”.  

About three years ago, a friend of mine shared a little secret with me.  Her secret?  She had started a blog.  (I vaguely remembered another friend, several years prior to that, telling me the same thing, although I believe she had referred to hers as a website.)  In any case, I did an internal roll of the eyes and tuned her out.  I tried to put on my best listening face, but I’m sure the fuzzy glazed look in my eyes was all too obvious, because my dear friend never brought up her blog again.  Who knew that a few years later I would start my own (maybe my blog should be named “Humbling…me” rather than “Simplifying…me”)? 

In any case, one statement that stuck with me from our brief “blogging” conversation was that through her blog she had discovered an entirely new culture of people out there in the web-o-sphere.  Blogging was more than just writing and pasting pictures on a website, but was an actual way of life for multitudes of people - specifically, moms.

After doing this blogging thing for almost a year, I’m beginning to see what my friend was talking about: the culture of the mom blogger.  I’ll be very frank here: as much as I enjoy writing and pouring out from both deep and shallow ends of this brain pool, I don’t see myself as a blogger, and I often feel that I am experiencing a type of culture shock. 

Growing up in Kenya, I was an American living in Africa.  With as much exposure I had to the culture of that country, I was never a Kenyan.  When we returned to the States, my homeland, I could relate to a small degree with peers my age, but felt like a duck out of water 90% of the time. 

When I moved to France, I really wanted to immerse myself in the culture.  I wanted to become as French as I possibly could without becoming weird.  I did well my first six months, diligently working on language skills and French etiquette.  Then, one day I woke up, looked in the mirror at my American frame, tired eyes and greasy hair (I had been asked to refrain from showering every day as it was seen as a waste of water…not kidding here!), and realized I was French-fried.  I’d had it.  I was done with stinky armpits and unmanageable hair.  I was sick and tired of sitting down to dinner at eight or nine o’clock at night, only to spend the following thirty minutes talking about the food rather than eating the food (can we dig in already…I’m starving!).  As much as I wanted to be European chic, it just wasn’t in me.  I came to grips with my American/African/wanna-be-European-ness and decided to be myself: wearing GAP, shaving my legs, and washing my hair every day. 

Yet, here I am again, feeling like a duck out of water.  In my pursuit of chasing the blog dream, I have been confronted with the realization that - unlike a large percentage of mom bloggers - I don’t home school; I don’t have 10+ kids (that might be a slight exaggeration, but not too far from the truth); I don’t have a home business; I’m not frugal (although I’m growing in that area); and my internet proficiency goes as far as “cut, paste, e-mail and send”.  I blog to write.  That’s it. 

I see the importance of networking, but I find myself unable to relate to all these mom bloggers out there.  (Twitter is going to be my undoing for certain!)  There are groups and lingo, hashtags and conferences and multiple posts uploaded all day long, and I don’t have the time to read, comment, follow, carpool, manage children, cook dinner, do ministry prep, keep a house clean and a hubby contented all at the same time.  I wonder…are these women wearing their computers in a baby sling so that they can tweet every other minute while searching for “hot deals” and recipes online, blog about their lives, while changing diapers, teaching arithmetic and producing Martha Stuart-like snacks to their wee-ones? 

Before I burn any bridges and hurt feelings, let me stop right here.  It may seem that these women and I share little to no common ground.  I have three kids, and I feel like I’m managing Noah’s ark.  My children go to school outside the home.  My husband is a pastor, and I feel immensely blessed to partner with him in this calling.  My cooking skills leave much to be desired, but as my hubby puts it, “Hey, I’m not complaining because I didn’t have to make it.  It’s food.  That’s all that counts.”  (Thumbs up to the best and skinniest man in the whole world!)  I abhor doing crafts (too messy for me), and I’m not all that thrifty.  Still, I do believe I share something special with all of the supermom-bloggers out there.  We are kindred in our desire to raise responsible children, to love and support our husbands, pursue our passions, steward our money wisely, and reach out to other moms all over the country/world.  Can we relate 100% with each other?  No.  But in matters of the heart and values that truly count- yes, we can. 

This culture shock and my own insecurity might always be there, but at least I can appreciate the beauty around me, just as I learned to do with my life in France.  I lived in France, but I wouldn’t call myself “French”.  I'm a mom, and I blog, but I wouldn’t call myself a “mom blogger”.  However, I am open and willing to learn, grow, and make some new friends in this vast, sub-culture world of the blogging mom.

What about you?  Do you blog?  Are you a blogging mom?  Are you fully immersed in the blogging culture?  Or are you like me…standing with one foot in and one foot out?  Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions on the matter.  We may actually have something in common!

A Zest For Something

We don’t get out very much.  This became even more apparent to me when I was stuck in the middle of a conversation revolving around the most recent films to hit theaters.  The women were chatting it up about The Blind Side, It’s Complicated and a host of other grown up movie treats.  Subsequently they turned in my direction, as to not exclude me from the conversation, and asked if I had seen anything good lately.  If Chipmunks – The Squeakquel counted then, yes indeed, I’d seen something good.  Real good because, for an hour-and-a-half, my three chipmunks' eyes were glued to the movie screen.  

Date nights don’t materialize too often, or as often as Joel and I would like them to.  And when we do get a night out to ourselves we, more often than not, choose to go somewhere conducive to talking and looking at each other, rather than a movie.  It would have to be a pretty good film for us to spend twenty bucks on something that will gobble up one of our rare and precious date nights.  One such movie that I was willing to sacrifice coffee and conversation for was Julie and Julia, which came out late summer, early fall.  Sadly, for me, our schedule was too packed, and we never got a chance to see it.  So, when asked what DVD I might like to find in my stocking for Christmas, I didn’t hesitate to say, Julie and Julia.  And Santa was good to me.

We watched it on a Saturday night.  I remember this detail as I had made minestrone soup in my crock-pot for dinner, and hailed myself as a gourmet genius for producing such a tasty and flavorful meal.  However, as I watched the ladies in the film cut, pour, mix, marinade, stuff and wait, I realized that my idea of cooking was a little less complicated.  I’m a throw-it-all-in-one-dish-and-cook-for-thirty-minutes type gourmette.  I don’t like anything that takes hours, days or weeks to prepare.  In fact, the truth be told, I don’t really like to cook – plain and simple.  I’m not very good at it either.  Seriously.  If you want to know how to kill a dead chicken, just ask me.  My technique is both flawless and consistent.  I believe this is why the crock-pot is my favorite kitchen appliance (besides the dishwasher and coffee maker, of course).  So, while I wasn’t inspired to run out and buy Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”, I was deeply impressed by both women’s passion for food and cooking, and where that passion took them.

The movie challenged me to take a critical look at myself and ask, “What am I passionate about?”  What is it that motivates me to get up in the morning (besides coffee), and what am I willing to face the ups and downs, the growing pains and the dry and empty days for?  Some things are just a given: my love and devotion for God, my husband and children.  Still, there’s got to be more to this time I spend on earth than serving God, loving my husband and raising a family.  And I don’t believe this feeling to be selfish either.  I need to have a zest for something.

My ponderings brought me to writing.  I love to write.  Now whether or not I’ve got the chops to actually write a book that will be purchased by more than just my immediate family, I have yet to see.  Time will tell.  I started my blog for the simple purpose of honing my craft.  If people like what they read then I’m moving in the right direction.  If it stinks, then I need to find a new passion…and quick.  There are days when I honestly wonder if all this work is worth it.  I wonder if I’m really making much of a dent in my dream to be a published author some day. 

There was one scene in the movie that spoke volumes to me.  Julia Child entered cooking school in France.  They were chopping onions.  She was slow…slower than my crock-pot.  While the other students had completed the task, and done exceptionally well at it, she was only half way through her onion.  Rather than throw in the towel and surmise that cooking was not in the cards for her, she went home and started chopping - lots and lots and lots of onions – until her skills had surpassed those of her classmates.  If Julia Child had to actually work at her technique, what makes me any different?  She didn’t start out as the shining star in her class, but as her passion led the way, her name became synonymous with French cooking.

Mine may not be the most widely read blog on the internet (in fact, I can tell you with great certainty that it is not), but I’m going to take my bag of onions and keep chopping until I’ve perfected this skill.  Until I have reached my dream and realized the passion within my heart.  I can’t say that I’ll be cooking up Beef Bourguignon anytime soon ever, but I will be cooking up all kinds of thoughts and words, paragraphs and stories that will, I pray, one day waft through the aisles of Barnes and Noble like the succulent aroma of Coq au Vin or Choux de Bruxelles a la Milanaise.

What are you passionate about?  What dreams keep you up at night?  What are you willing to chop to perfection or “pound into submission” (to steal a line from Julie and Julia)?  What will be your Beef Bourguignon?  I urge you to find that thing - your zest for something – and give it everything you’ve got!

Let’s not waste another second hoping and wishing.  Let’s get out there and chop our onions.  Let’s seize our zest for something and see what rich flavors we can all bring to the table. 

Bon Appetite, my friends!

She's Come Undone (Almost)

I’m a crazy woman.  Being the “tech-novice” that I am – and by "tech-novice" I mean a person who lives in a constant state of fear that I am one keystroke away from crashing my computer – decided that not only would I start blogging, but I would also purchase and host my own domain.  So simple, I know (note the sarcasm in my voice).  The domain ownership was not exactly my bright idea.  A friend of mine encouraged me to consider this option, seeing that it could be a strategic move for me down the road.  My initial feeling was to wait, not because I didn’t believe my friend or see the wisdom in her advice.  I was mostly just plain scared to venture into the cyber-world – I am completely cyber-illiterate, you know.  However, after thinking it over for a few days, I resigned myself to the fact that this was, indeed, something I needed to do – sooner rather than later.  So, I took the plunge!

The “easy” part was purchasing the domain and rights to host (and I had a lot of help, too).  Next came the actual creation of the blog.  My brain hurt, my eyes hurt and, at this moment, my mental state is teetering on the brink of insanity.  I’ve pulled my hair, slapped my face, and grunted multiple times at the computer, smacking keys and stomping my feet.  It’s been quite the week.  It was when I started talking to myself in the third person that I decided I needed to take a break and do a little writing.  I didn’t want to unravel right before my children’s eyes, and I‘m a much sweeter mommy when I’m writing.

 As I’ve had a few hours to mull over the week’s events, working with my little sliver of “cyber-pie”, I came up with three lessons I’m learning through this process:

•  It is never as simple as “just click on this”.  One click leads to another click, which leads to another click.  You have to keep clicking until you reach your desired outcome.  And then, there are usually five more steps to take beyond that.  So, just keep on clicking - which leads to my second lesson… 
• Clicking on things will not, in fact, crash the computer.  It is actually a great way to explore, learn, and discover all the wonderful intricacies that cyber space has to offer.  Don’t know what “plugins” or "widgets" are?  Just click.
•  And lastly, while the process may be long and arduous, the end result is well worth it.  (I haven’t quite made it to “the end” yet, but I am highly optimistic that I am going to be very satisfied when I do, indeed, get there.)

 That said:  I just want to say a huge “thank you” to Amy, James, and “Hawkeye” (my new friend at godaddy.com).  You are my own personal “geek squad” – and by “geek” I am in no way insinuating that you are geeks.  You are all super cool in my book and have spared me from coming completely undone. 

 Break time is over, and now back to my blog…

Blogging

I said there was no way I would ever succomb to the ever popular world of blogging. My husband has a saying that blogging is for people who think the world wants to hear what they think and say just as much as they like to share it. Then my husband went to a conference for work. He came home and asked me if I wanted to start a blog. I looked at him in disbelief, laughed at him and said "heck no!" However, he had been converted to the world of the blogger and quietly encouraged me to just think about it.

Honestly, if people don't listen to me when I am actually talking to them, what makes me think anyone will listen to me when I write? Seriously.

I thought about it. I do a lot of writing...mostly just for my own peace of mind. I'm not that good at it...yet. I have a dream to one day write a book, and I really don't share that with very many people either. I am in the process of growing, maturing, developing and discovering. It is hard to be vulnerable and allow - God knows who - to observe from "cyber" distance the many growing pains I am currently, and will in the future, experience.

However, I caved. I decided to give it a go. Take a dive into the World Wide Web of blogging and blabbing.

I don't know how well or often I will be able to sustain and keep it up. My hope is that, if anything, it will give me more purpose for writing and sharing my life, that will, I pray, touch and encourage someone else in the process.