Uprooted

If there is pain, or struggle, or an unhealthy coping mechanism that you just can't seem to break free from, the only way you will ever know true deliverance is if you pull it out by the roots.  You have to dig deep inside, go straight to the source of the problem, face it head on, and yank it out will all your might.  Yes, it will hurt.  Yes, there may be a season of sowing tears and heart ache, but if you want to be free...really free...you have to go to the root of the problem. Wouldn't it be wonderful if God would zap us with one magical finger every time we had an emotional breakdown, addiction, or sin issue in our lives - that we could experience instant, gratifying healing?  I know there have been many times when I've been in a heap of hurt and brokenness, and my first thought has been, "If God would just hit me with his best shot, I would be happy, renewed, and ready to take on the world."  For whatever reason, God has never chosen to do anything instantly in my life.  On the contrary, he has allowed me to go through long and painful seasons of discovery and healing.  I am human, and I would much prefer instant gratification.  However, just as we all have to learn delayed gratification in our day-to-day lives, God knows that many times instant healing would never allow us to learn, grow, and uncover the deeper mystery of our Heavenly Father.  If I truly want to walk in freedom,  I have to allow God to literally uproot my life.  I have to allow him complete access to dig deep inside, reveal the root of my issues, and then pull them out.  Otherwise, all I am getting is a counterfeit healing.

I don't know about you, but I want real healing.  I want something that is going to last, and I want to walk away complete in him.  Weeds that simply get a nice trim are still weeds, and they will grow back.  Weeds that have been pulled out by the root are gone for good, and that's the kind of healing that I want.  Healing that is done for good.

How do we do this?  Where do we start?

First, recognize and admit there is a problem in your life.  Come to grips with the dysfunction, and stop trying to avoid facing the facts.

Second, reach out to God.  Ask him for his help, and surrender your life to his hands.

Third, surround yourself with godly people whom you trust that can be a support, provide accountability, and walk through this journey of healing alongside you.  We have been given the church - the Body of Christ - as a gift.  Not just a group of people to hang out with and enjoy a good bar-b-que with from time to time (which is wonderful, for sure), but a group of people that will speak truth in love and offer authentic friendship.  Don't be afraid to reach out.

Fourth, as the Body of Christ is doing its work, you, too, must do your work.  Be proactive in the healing process.  The longer you wait, holding out for God to zap you, the longer you delay your day of freedom.

When Jesus healed in the Bible, it was never just that one issue that the person brought to him.  His healing was always, and is still always, multi-dimentional.  He healed the whole person, from the inside out.  I realize these four steps may seem a bit simplified, but they are a start to delving deeper to the root of your problem, and allowing God to uproot your life multi-dimensionally.

Though It Linger...

Habakkuk 2:3 "Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." 

Sometimes it would appear as though God has forgotten all about us.  The promises he made that we have been holding onto are becoming increasingly difficult to believe.  Somehow, someway, we have this yearning to see God do something.  And yet, he continues to remain silent to our pleas, our cries, our heartfelt prayers and petitions.

Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life."

Hope is not to disappoint us.  Hope is supposed to carry us through.  Sometimes hope is all we have.  But what happens when our hope is deferred?  What happens when every last effort and hope has been depleted and we're left with nothing?  We feel the sudden pang of heart sickness.  Pain.  Sorrow.  Disappointment.  There is no masking the deep sadness that accompanies lost hope.

What do we do when we've reached the end of our rope?  When we've prayed so much that our cheeks are soggy from tears and our eyes are swollen and red?  How do we proceed?

We wait.

When we've prayed all that we can pray.  When words fail us, and we don't even see the end of the tunnel, and the clock is ticking, and we're tired and weary...we wait.

"Though it linger..."

Though the promise is slow in coming...though the explanation has yet to be clear...though the darkness is heavy all around...

"...wait for it!"

Hold on...don't waver in unbelief and doubt.  Trust.  Look heavenward to where your hope is secure...and wait.

"It will certainly come and will not delay."

God is faithful to his promises, and though in our finite world it would appear as though God is slow, he is working every detail out for our benefit.  The answer will come.  The longing will certainly be fulfilled.  And hope will be renewed.

The same God who holds the world in his hands...holds my world in his hands...and he holds your world in his hands.  The very things that are precious to us are precious to him.  He cares deeply about those things that concern us.  He knows.  He empathizes, and he is working on our behalf.

Don't give up.  Keep on trusting.  Lean into the Father.  Saturate your mind in the Word.  And wait.

Romans 4:18-21

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be."  Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was about a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead.  Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised.

It's Going To Get Interesting...

Oh. My. Lord.   

My life seems to have made a hard left-hand turn.  And let me just say this before I go on...this turn of events is an answer to many, many prayers (spoken and unspoken).

I'm going back to work, people!  I haven't worked outside the home since I was pregnant with Sydney.  We're talking over seven years of being a stay-at-home mom.  Seven of the most rewarding years of my life, I might add.  My little man, Jackson, starts preschool next week, and Brooklyn enters kindergarten.  And God opened the door for me to work at their school. 

For several years I've put feelers out for a job...a means to help our family financially.  For several years every door I've knocked on has either closed or no one has even answered.  Until this year.  I didn't even touch the door, and the next thing I knew...I was offered a job...more than I expected.  If you were to pinch me, I'd swear I must be dreaming.  But I'm not.

Things are about to get interesting.  I am actually writing this post from the center of household chaos while dealing with multiple interruptions from three bored little ones.  (I'm going to try and make it a short one.)  

As I've been getting ready for the start up of school, preparing myself to go back to work and finishing up end of summer activities, my "to do" list continues to grow and grow and grow.  The perfectionist in me is stressing because of the driven nature to make sure everything is...well...perfect.  And I'm trying to keep all the balls in the air - this blog included - and I'm starting to worry that something is going to fall short of my high expectations, and I'm realizing that there is a deep cry within me for one thing. 

Balance.

In order to attain balance, I am going to have to restructure.  The first thing I am placing on the back burner is this blog.  I am not quitting...oh heavens no.  However, I will be cutting back on the number of posts produced.  If I have nothing to write, then I'm not going to write.  If I have no time to write, then I'm not going to write.  I am going to focus on quality...not quantity.  As of yet, I'm not sure what this is going to look like, or if I will eventually come up with a schedule of sorts.  However, the blog will have to get used to its new place in the priorities of my life.

My home is all a'bustle with excitement.  Rather than look at Brooklyn starting kindergarten as something to mourn, or the fact that my little guy is going to be in preschool, I have begun to celebrate this brand new season in our lives.  I'll be honest with you, change is not an easy thing for me.  But what I've learned in my very short life is that change can be my friend.  I am taking my kids on a journey to embrace change, and it all begins with me.  My attitude.  My countenance.  While I appreciate and cherish the past seven years as a gift from God, I can look ahead and know with confidence that this next season is also a gift from God.  And I'm ready to see what new things God has for us. 

It's going to get interesting.  And I can. not. wait.

Isaiah 43:18

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

The Scrambler

Jackson barely passed the height requirement for the "Scrambler" ride at the city amusement park.  I was hopeful that he'd still be too small, but we grow 'em up tall in the Slater family, so I shouldn't have been surprised when the girls squealed out that Jackson was tall enough.

In my mind I imagined the ride would take us up and down, around in circles a few times, and then we would be done.  Au contraire.  As I sat wedged between Sydney and Brooklyn, giddy with excitement, our enthusiastic "Woo hoo's" were slowly silenced as the "Scrambler" started to live up to its name.  Whipping us around like poor little eggs in a frying pan, I realized this ride was a bit more intense than a simple city park ferris wheel.  About the time the world around us turned into a blur of color, the smiles on Sydney's and my face disappeared and were replaced by looks of serious concern and deep concentration.  I kept envisioning our bucket seat flying off its steal arm and twirling into oblivion.  Brooklyn, however, didn't stop "woo hoo-ing" until the ride came to a complete halt.  In between mental pleas of, "Jesus, help us!" and heart palpitations, I tried to get a visual on the boys, but they were just out of view.  At the end, as we were unstrapping our tense bodies from the seats, my eye caught Joel's.  Jackson was good.  He loved every second of the ride.  My nerves calmed.

Why was I worried?  Joel's steady hand was on my little guy the whole ride.  The steal arm holding the bucket seats of the "Scrambler" was sturdy and trustworthy.  There was nothing to fear.  I spent a couple of minutes with my body stiff as a board when I should have been screaming with delight.  I think Brooklyn may have been the only one of the five of us who really let loose and had fun in the midst of the scramble.

What did I learn?  Life sometimes feels like we're riding on the "Scrambler".  There are so many uncertainties, thrills, terrifying twists and turns, but just like Joel's hand holding my little Jackson safe, God's hand is holding us...firm and secure.  His eye is upon us.  His attention never shifts.

I want to be more like Brooklyn as I ride the scrambler of life.  I want to release my grip and trust the steady hand that holds me; that hand that will never leave me.  Even when the world is spinning, and I'm not sure where the next dip in the ride is going to take me, I want to let go, feel the wind whip across my face, and trust the strong, capable arms of my Heavenly Father.

Life is a crazy ride, but we don't have to live it in fear.  I think God just wants us to sit back, "woo hoo" a little bit more, and trust Him...in every spin along the way.

Chiseled To Perfection

"Pain is dysfunction leaving the body..." - How People Grow. When a master cutter sits down to cut a diamond, he must keep in mind the amount of pressure and the angle of each cut that goes into the process.  It is tedious work.  It is work that requires great skill and patience.  The diamond, as it is being chiseled to perfection, loses parts of its original self in order to shine its brightest, and hold the greatest amount of value, light, and clarity as possible.

As God takes our imperfect lives and chisels them with his masterful hands, we most assuredly will feel the pain of his cut and the intensity of his pressure.  Yet, with each painful touch, something dysfunctional is cut away; the sickness and imperfections of our lives removed so that the brilliance of God's presence can be seen more clearly through us.

The discomfort of growth can almost cause us to halt or stunt the process.  We forego beauty and value for relief and temporary comfort.  This is sad.  This brings nothing but more pain...more dysfunction.

God is perfection.  The ultimate in beauty and radiance.  The more he chisels away the impurities of our lives, the more we are made perfect in him.  No...I'm not saying we will be perfect, but it is Christ in us that will be perfected.

I Corinthians 13:10 "When perfection comes, the imperfect disappears."

When the perfect Christ comes into our imperfect lives, the process of chipping away the old begins and continues throughout our lives.

It is Christ being made perfect in me that I long for.  I realize this desire comes at a price.  It comes at the hands of the Master Cutter.  He takes the rough diamond of my life, holds it in his hands, and begins the process of perfection.  While I can't say I take joy in the pain, I can say that the loss of dysfunction and flaws will one day be a testimony of God's faithful handiwork in me.

Chiseled to perfection.

Verdict In: Not Guilty

John 8:32 You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

When I was a little girl growing up in Kenya, my parents would pack up the family twice a year, and we would head off to a week-long missions retreat. During the day, my parents would sit through business meetings and sessions while the kids played or had some sort of structured activity time.  In the evening, we would all come together after dinner for a church-type service.

I loved going to our mission retreats.  They were truly the highlight of my year.  Whether it was the anticipation of going to the beach for a week, or seeing my MK friends who went to boarding school, or the super-cute MK boy who lived in Malawi (and all the girls swooned); there was so much to look forward to.  However, along with my giddy excitement came a nagging sense of guilt and fear.  Not only would I be seeing the cute boy from Malawi, but I would also be seeing lots of missionary Aunts and Uncles.  I loved my surrogate family very much; however, I lived in a perpetual state of fear that God was whispering in their ears all the bad thoughts I'd had, or the fact that I neglected to do my devotions for over a month, or the times I had lied to my mom and dad throughout the year.  They were about the most godly people I had ever known, and I was certain they were going to call me out, read my mail, and the true ugliness of my soul would be exposed.

This never happened, of course.  The only time someone had a word from the Lord for me was to encourage and uplift, never to condemn and judge.  Still, the fear was always there.

Interestingly, I still struggle with guilt.  Whether or not I've done anything wrong, I am always waiting with baited breath for someone to come and call me on the carpet for all my sins.  I have discovered that I am a victim of condemnation...and that has never been God's intention or plan for my life.

Paul tells us that there is no condemnation for those of us who are in (who know and are known by) Christ Jesus.  No condemnation.  No guilt.  As far as God is concerned, our slate has been washed clean, and we can stand before him blameless.  We are in Christ Jesus.

Jesus is truth.  Jesus is the embodiment of all that is right and holy.  If we are in him, and if we know him, then we know truth.  Truth sets us free.  And the truth is that God sent his Son to die on a cross and conquer death, so that our sins could be covered and forgiven.  The truth is that we are sinful people, in spite of being new creations, but because Jesus is in us, we receive a pardon for our past, present, and future.

Just as Jesus is the truth, he also reveals the truth.  This has been a powerful lesson for me.  I know Jesus.  Therefore, I can go to him, in whatever state I am in, and ask him to lead me and guide me in the truth.  I love how David articulated his plea for the truth in Psalm 139:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

If my mind is cloudy, and I am feeling the weight of oppressive guilt and shame, all I need to do is call on God.  Ask him to search my heart, invite him in to my thoughts, and allow him to lead me on the path that will bring him glory.  As he reveals his truth (not mine) to me, then I experience freedom in him.

If I have stumbled, then he gently lets me know, and he will guide me to repentance.  If I am simply walking along with undue guilt and shame, then he will bring clarity and assurance.  Either way, I am free.

The fact of the matter is those of us who are in Christ Jesus are no longer guilty.  Do we still sin?  Yes.  But true conviction, brought by the Holy Spirit, should not choke us up in guilty chains.  Rather, conviction of sin should motivate us to Godly sorrow and a hunger for repentance.  Guilt is not from God.  Shame and condemnation are not from God.

The verdict is in, my friends.  And it reads, "NOT GUILTY!"

*For more on this subject, I would highly encourage you to read the book How People Grow, by Cloud and Townsend (authors of Boundaries).

You Got A Friend In "Nee"

Way back (you know, back in the 90's) when the original Toy Story movie came out, a friend of mine took her two pre-school age nephews to see it.  Weeks following their big movie experience, the youngest was heard singing, "You got a friend in nee!"  Julie, my friend, tried to correct him explaining that the song actually says, "You got a friend in me...m-m-meeee!"  He would hear nothing of it and replied emphatically, "No, Aunt Ju-wee!  It's, 'You got a friend in nee...n-n-neeee!'"

Whichever interpretation works for you, I think it's safe to say that friendships are a gift, and Toy Story does an incredible job of reaching into the heart of what it means to be there for someone.

Over the past two weeks a phenomenal thing has happened to me.  Phenomenal in that I was the recipient of random acts of friendship.  I have friends all over the world.  Some I haven't seen since grade school, some not since college, and others I haven't seen in a couple of days.  Randomly, I received messages, texts, and even a great, big hug from several of these friends.  They were all praying for me.  I hadn't spoken to, nor even seen, some of these individuals, and yet God brought me to mind at a time that I really needed prayer.  How cool is that?  They had no idea what challenges I was facing, or that I had found three gray hairs that morning.  God used his people to reach out to me, and I felt encouraged to keep pressing on.

I learned two powerful things through this:

First, God is deeply concerned about every detail of my life, and while I may not receive audible messages straight from Heaven, He speaks to me through His Body of believers...my friends.  He knows what we need when we need it, and as imperfect as we are, He loves to use us to encourage one another.  My friends were obedient to God's prompting, and I was blessed.

Second, when God brings someone to my mind, and I pray for them, I need to let them know.  There are countless times when a person flashes through my mind.  I usually don't know what, or if anything, is going on with them, but I know I'm supposed to pray.  What I am realizing, however, is that it's not complete until I've let them know.

So often I think we feel isolated and alone in our circumstances.  Maybe being home all day with the kids, or working full-time and struggling to find balance, or focusing on a difficult transition finds us wondering if anyone knows where we are or the struggles we've been facing.  As a part of the Body of Christ, it is becoming more clear to me that reaching out with a quick word or hug is being Jesus to my friends.

It's a simple way of saying, "Hey!  You got a friend in nee!"

Friday's Free Advice:  If someone crosses your mind, stop, pray, and then let them know!

And So We Lick Our Wounds

Sydney was beside herself.  As I was pulling away from the carpool pick-up line I couldn't help but wonder who this little monster was in the back seat of my car.  She had asked me if we could go to Starbucks for a girls' day, and I had said no.  I warned her before I dropped her off at school that this Monday was not a "girls' day Monday".  Fair warning as far as I was concerned.  Either Sydney forgot our pre-school conversation, or she was attempting to talk me into changing my mind.  When she realized that there would be no argument from me, she lost it.  I was the meanest mommy in the world...for 20 (long) minutes. Several hours later, and after a little bedroom time for Sydney, we sat down and had a little talk.  I asked her what she was feeling?  We started talking about her day, her friends, and her math speed drill.  The more I pressed her about the speed drill I could see tears welling up in her eyes.  She hadn't finished hers in time and felt embarrassed in front of her friends, not to mention upset with herself for what she perceived as failure.  The tears grew into sobs as she continued to open up to me.

I knew in the car that Sydney's outrage was not really about me, even though at the time it was directed towards me.  I knew there was something else going on deep inside her and the only way she knew how to deal with her self-loathing was to react rather than look inward.  It was an easier way to go for her.  Rather than deal with the painful feelings, she tried to put her pain on me.

On the other hand, one can never tell when Brooklyn has been hurt or offended.  It's not until she runs away and hides from us that we realize something, or someone, has upset her.  Sometimes she simply disappears, without a peep.  When Brooklyn has been found she is usually curled up in a ball, whimpering in sorrow.  It takes incredible patience and a gentle hand to get her to open up and express what is truly bothering her.  Rather than speak up when the offense has taken place, Brooklyn prefers to withdraw, run away, and hide from the very people who love her and want to help her.

As I was thinking about my girls and how they deal with their hurts, I was reminded of how we, as adults, do the same thing.  We may not throw our bodies on the floor in protest or let others see our ugly sides, however, in our own way we either lash out or run and hide when someone has hurt or offended us.

Sometimes we say mean things to people.  Sometimes we call them on the phone and give them a good earful.  We feel justified.  We are going to have our say, regardless of the other person's feelings.  Sadly, the end of this scenario is usually pain on both sides, and a broken relationship.  The reaction to hurt brings more hurt.  Rather than looking inside at our own brokenness we look at everybody else and blame them.  It is too painful to face the real problem, in the immediate.  However, the consequence of never facing the reality and root of our pain is a pain that will live with us for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes we simply run away and hide.  We pull a "Brooklyn".  We've been offended.  We've been hurt.  We feel overlooked or perhaps insecure about our ranking in a relationship.  Rather than speak up and say something, we distance ourselves to the point of isolation.  Instead of choosing vulnerability, which hurts for a brief moment in time, we walk through life never knowing the power and fulfillment of true relationship.  We are afraid of being abandoned, so we abandon.  We walk away from the very people (imperfect and flawed, to be sure) who love us and care about us.

We are lying to ourselves if we believe that the deep, dark issues inside of us will eventually go away if we either find the perfect friend, family, church, or job.  If we never learn to stop and take a closer look within, we will forever be attacking and withdrawing and sadly, never growing.  If we want to grow, and I believe we really do, then we must put a stop to the way we handle pain.

The pain we feel, if we will allow ourselves to feel it, can actually lead us and guide towards healing.  It's hard work.  It requires risk and trust and reaching out and vulnerability, acceptance of our role in the pain and willingness to confront our fears.  When we read or hear what healing involves we choke up, we resist, we justify, and if we're not ready to go there yet, we run away and lick our wounds.  Because this seems a much easier option.

Cloud and Townsend in their book "How People Grow" write:

"Bad pain comes from repeating old patterns and avoiding the suffering it would take to change them, because many times people suffer because of their own character faults.  Bad pain is basically wasted pain.  It is the pain we go through to avoid the good pain of growth that comes from pushing through.  It is the wasted pain we encounter as we try to avoid grief and true hurt that needs to be worked through."

As harsh as this may seem, and going deep into our pain can be brutal, there is a heaping load of grace, love and forgiveness that God pours out on us as we take this step.  He reveals his presence through his Word, but most importantly he reveals his character through fellow believers walking the path along with us.  We are never alone.  God's word promises he will never leave us nor forsake us.  I believe that includes his people, too.

Here is yet another growth step: will we lick our wounds or risk exposure of our wounds so they may heal?

Simple...but not easy.

Revisiting My Spot In The Sand...

Psalm 139:17&18

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.  When I awake, I am still with you.

Yesterday morning I awoke anxious and worried.  These feelings left me with a longing to return to my spot in the sand where the soul was renewed and peace settled deep inside.  There is no better cure for moments like these than opening up the Word of God.  Immediately, I turned to Psalm 139.  It became my prayer.

Search me.

Know me.

Take my anxious thoughts.

Lead me.

I was drawn to verses 17 and 18.  His thoughts towards me outnumber the grains of sand.

Sand - soul therapy.

I'm on his mind.  And so are you.

Nothing can separate us from his love...

Romans 8:38 & 39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

"When I awake, I am still with you..."

"Nothing can separate us from the love of God..."

I am revisiting my spot in the sand...and I am feeling restored once again...

Simple, But Not Easy

Trust and obey.

If I could sum up what God has been whispering to my heart over the past year, it would be these two simple words: trust and obey.  When I begin to worry about the future, or my children, or finances, or ministry, or the housing market, he gently reminds me to trust and obey.

Simple, but not easy.

Trust requires me to give up control.  Trust implies that I am not to worry, fret, or concern myself with how everything is going to work out, but to rest in God's strength.  Trusting God when nothing in the world proves trustworthy.

Obedience requires me to step out in faith - to take action regardless of how I feel or what common sense would say.  When the Spirit prompts me to speak, move forward, pause, or hold my tongue, I must obey.  God's ways are far beyond our ways, far beyond our understanding.  But his ways always have our best interest at heart.

A simple "formula" for spiritual growth, but certainly not an easy one.  He doesn't demand self-sufficiency but complete God-sufficiency.  He doesn't ask us to figure it out, come up with a plan, or get our ducks in a row.  He doesn't expect perfection.  He asks us to let go, trust, and follow.

To find the very thing we are looking for- the beauty of  life in Christ that we've been bumping around in the dark for- we must stop wreckless wandering and start trusting and obeying.  Abandoning ourselves for the glory of God.

So, how do we do this?  How do we trust and obey?  How do we step out in this very noble endeavor?  First, we can not do it on our own.  We need God, and we need others.  So relieved am I that I don't walk this spiritual path alone.  Not only is there a deep intrinsic desire in me for relationship and friendship, but this is also God's desire for me.  None of us were intended to live our lives as lone rangers.  We were created for fellowship.  On my own, I will spend a lifetime striving to trust and obey.  And on my own, I will fail.  However, when I find myself facing a challenge, requiring more of me than I can give, that is when I call out to God, and I call on a friend.  No matter what situation demands my trust and obedience, I can overcome through God's strength and the strength he pours out through a fellow believer.

With the support of a friend or friends, I receive the direction given to me by the Holy Spirit, and I am empowered to trust and obey.  It's not about willpower but the will to allow God's power to work in my life and through the life of The Body of Christ.

Is this an easy answer?  Probably not, but spiritual growth is not easy.  Spiritual growth hurts.  Just as the body endures the pains of growth, so do our spirits when God is pressing in to us and drawing us to a deeper relationship.  Reaching out to people, too, requires trust.  And for some that is too high a risk.  At some point in our lives, however, we have to make a conscious decision to reach out and take that risk.  Otherwise, we will stay the same forever, repeating behaviors, feeling frustrated and disappointed with God, and ultimately feeling the weight of failure on our shoulders because we just can't seem to figure out how to get beyond this place.

Simple, but not easy.

Sand

As I anticipated my return home from vacation I could feel the creative juices swooshing in my head.  Sitting still while the waves of the Atlantic crashed at my feet, new insights poured into my mind like the ocean water filling every sandy nook and cranny of the warm, dry beach where I perched like a hungry seagull.  I have often said that I find myself again when I am at the beach.  Salty air, sunshine, time with family, piles of shells collected in a make-shift bucket,  and the sound of the ocean faithfully restore clarity and peace of mind.

Sydney asked me what sand is made of.  I explained to her that sand is simply rock, shells, and coral that have been crushed into tiny pieces by pounding waves.  This process takes years and years and years.  The constant jostling and ripping from the weight of ruthless waters breaks apart these hard objects  and turns them into the soft sand we love to sink our toes into.

I'm home now, but my heart is still processing the simple lessons of the sea.

Are we not all a little bit like the tiny grains of sand on the ocean floor?  We get knocked down and crushed by the relentless waves of hurt, personal pain, and fear.   Shame and condemnation break us to pieces and leave us scattered along the beaches of life.

And then God comes in.  God restores.  God makes something beautiful out of our sharp edges and disfigured forms.  He offers grace where once we were pounded with condemnation.  He ministers mercy where once we were hammered with judgment.  He softens our hearts through the pain...through every wave that threatens to destroy.

Grace has brought me back to my little spot on the sand with the hot sun kissing my shoulders and the foamy broken waves tickling my feet.  Grace has washed over the condemnation, and grace has set me free.  Grace is softening my hard corners and smoothing out my rough edges.

Freedom

I can't really claim to be an expert of sorts.  I'm not a theologian.  I'm not a parenting guru.  Until recently, I've managed to kill all plant life in my keep - no kidding.  (I'm just thrilled that tiny green strawberry buds are peeking out from our little garden this year.  This...this...is a miracle.)  I'm not known for my cooking skills, and I'm a newbie frugalista.  All in all, I'm not that impressive.  

However, I do have a few thoughts now and then, and today I'm thinking about freedom.

What kind of freedom?

Not freedom to go "girls gone wild" on the world.  I'm not endorsing irresponsibility.  Not Fourth of July and fireworks displays (although highly entertaining and lovely).  And not the "Free Love" hippie movement of the 60's.  The freedom I'm talking about is freedom in Christ.  Freedom to live out my life in the way that God created and designed for me to live.  Freedom to love.

I Corinthians 10:23-32

"Everything is permissible" - but not everything is beneficial.  "Everything is permissible" - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.  Eat everything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, for, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it."  If some unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience.  But if anyone says to you, "This has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, both for the sake of the man who told you and for conscience' sake - the other man's conscience, I mean, not yours.  For why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience?  If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?  So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God.

What this means to me is that I choose to do certain things and abstain from certain things, not because I am afraid that God will smite me dead for being ungodly, but for the benefit of my brothers and sisters.  Other's salvation and well-being should be more important to me than what I do or don't do.  And I deeply long to live this out with a sweet spirit.  God has given us freedom, and if we embrace it fully, we may become the most irresistible people on the planet.

There is no room for selfishness in this kind of freedom.  This is what makes following Christ so challenging, not all the rules and regulations that seem to bubble up when people hear the word "Christianity".  Following Christ means we lay down our own rights for the rights of others.  Treating our neighbors, our friends, our families, our enemies, the way in which we want to be treated.  That's some tough stuff when you get down to it.  It means I don't live for myself, but I live to love and serve others.  And it is only by the grace of God that I can do this at all.

Fear tells us that we don't need God, because God will only tie us down and make us miserable.  "Needing" God is weakness, and we don't want to be weak.  So, we wrap up in thick layers of self-sufficiency.

Fear tells us that the only way to stay on God's good side is to follow a man-made mandate on how to live a life pleasing to God.  If you step outside of this moral code you are being selfish and worldly.  So, we envelop ourselves in belief systems that give us do's and don'ts that promise to ensure our eternal security.  (Galatians 5:4 "You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.") This type of "Christianity", by the way, is the very thing that turns so many unbelievers off to God.

Fear breeds extremes - one direction or another - and neither extreme does anyone any good.  However, freedom - true freedom - produces a fruit that even the most hardened sceptic can't ignore.  Galatians 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control."

True holy living, I believe, is clinging completely to Jesus.  Holding him close and allowing him access to hold us closely to his character.  Holy living is walking in the freedom and beauty of God's most precious law: the law of love.  If we could only capture in our hearts and minds what this really, really means, there would be no doubt that following Christ is the only satisfying way to live.

"How little people know who think that holiness is dull.  When one meets the real thing...it is irresistable.  If even 10% of the world's population had it, would not the whole world be converted and happy before a year's end?" - C.S. Lewis

I want to be irresistable.  I want to be the real thing.  I want to take the freedom that God has given to me, by grace, and walk in it with a sober awareness that this freedom to love is the same freedom that will lead others to Christ.

Friday's Free Advice - Oops...I Did It Again!

I've had better weeks.  This was definitely not one of them.  

I make mistakes.  In fact, I make a lot of mistakes.  If I were to think too long and hard on all the mistakes I've made this past week alone, I'm afraid I'd end up drowning in defeat.  I've made big ones and little ones.  Some of them I didn't even realize were blunders until, upon further introspection, realized that I messed up bad.

I hate that I make mistakes.  I so desperately want to make the right decisions, think with a sound mind, and operate my home with sweetness and grace.  Sadly, I can't keep up with my good intentions.  No sooner am I infused with a fresh "can do" attitude, then I'm slapped back a few steps with "what were you thinking?  What a mistake!"

Please tell me I'm not the only one who struggles with this!

Since I'm pretty certain that I am not alone when it comes to mistake making, I'm going to share with you how I deal with my mishaps and blunders.  Today's Friday's Free Advice: The common cure for the common mistake - forgiveness.

First, acknowledge that you've made a mistake.  Conviction - not shame - tugs at our hearts when we've acted out of our selfish nature and not the nature of God.  Accepting the conviction and realizing that we've done something wrong is the first step to overcoming.

Second, confess it.  Tell God what's going on.  Get it out.  Be real.  You don't need an M.Div. to tell God what you're feeling or what you're struggling with.  In your own words, tell God what's happening.

Third, ask for forgiveness.  Once you've unburdened your heart with the junk going on inside of you, simply ask God to forgive.  He will.  Immediately.

And finally, let it go.

Psalm 130-11-13

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.

I've had to do this a lot this week.  Thankfully, God's grace transcends my humanity.  He knows my heart; he knows the intent is pure, but the vessel is broken.  He forgives and allows me the freedom to get up and try - over and over and over - again.

Happy Friday...make the most of your day...and don't let your mistakes hold you back from walking in the freedom God has for you!

Make 'Em Laugh

The above picture needs no explanation.  I probably don’t need to go into great detail about how I closed my eyes for my sixth grade school photo.  I’m sure you already figured that out.  I won’t even tell you how absolutely horrifying this was for me, or how I wanted to crawl under my desk and pull my woven sisal book bag over my head when my teacher handed me my picture packet.  The photo speaks for itself.

The bumpy, forty-five minute bus ride home was torture.  As the black exhaust from passing vehicles blew into the windows of our bus, I could feel tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.  I wanted to burst into sobs, rip my pictures to pieces, and never show my face at school again.  More than anything, I just wanted to be home.  I wanted to see my mom and fall into her arms.  I needed a good cry.

When my mom saw the image peering through the clear cellophane window of my packet, she didn’t even have to ask me how my day went.  She already knew.  After I cried, and wished I’d never been born, and begged to move to another country, and swore I’d never set foot in my school again, and wallowed in grief, my mom spoke up.  She didn’t pity me.  She didn’t stroke my hair and feed into the "woe-is-me" mood I was feeling.  Instead, she started brainstorming ways to smile about this catastrophe: “Amy, let’s make ‘em laugh.”  Honestly, I didn’t really see anything very funny about my life being ruined by sleepy eyes.  And I certainly wasn’t ready to start cutting out the wallet-size miniature reminders of those sleepy eyes to trade with my friends.  However, after listening to my mom’s pep talk, and her encouragement to stop taking myself so seriously, I slowly began to see the brighter side to the whole scenario.

We came up with some good one-liners for me to dish out the next day at school, too:

“I was feeling a little sleepy on picture day.”

“I like the way I look with my eyes closed.”

“It’s really the smile that counts, right?”

By the next day, I was armed with wit and ready to pass out my picture to all my friends.

Life is messy.  Life is unpredictable.  We start moving in one direction and then, unforeseen circumstances jump in the middle of our path, causing us to switch gears fast.  Before we know it, we are off on a detour and completely unprepared.  Are these circumstances avoidable?  Sometimes.  But not all the time.  Most of the time, life doesn’t care whether or not we’re prepared for unemployment, cancer, a sick child, an emergency root canal, a broken down car.  Life comes at us - the innocent and the not-so innocent alike.  And when life has left its mark, we are left to figure out what to do next.

I am a full supporter of being real with feelings.  When the messiness of life smacks me in the face, I have learned to give myself permission to feel whatever it is that I feel.  When we found out we were pregnant with Jackson (unplanned and unprepared for), I cried.  They were tears of fear.  I worried and fretted.  It took me a couple of days to process my emotions.  After I got all the crying out of my system, I realized, like the turning point with my sixth grade school picture, I was left with a choice.  Would I resent the pregnancy?  Would I spend the next 30 some weeks living in fear and distress rather than joy and elation?

At my first sonogram, six weeks along in the pregnancy, I chose to laugh about it.

Jackson was our surprise gift from God.  It took a conscious decision on my part, and Joel’s, to refocus and reset our plans.  Once we did, each moment in our pregnancy was filled with excitement, anticipation, and wonder.  We laughed about the future because we knew that God was in it.

I realize that an unexpected pregnancy is not nearly as hard to come to grips with as a home foreclosure, an untimely death, or spouse abandonment (all of which have afflicted friends of mine).  I realize that the detour of my life pales in comparison.  Still, God is in everything.  He’s in the winter of our lives, just as he is in the new beginnings of spring.  He grants us space to feel and express our pain, and then he offers us the opportunity to find joy in the detour.  He gives us the song, the smile, and the creativity to find laughter on our new path.

He holds us close and then gently invites us to “make ‘em laugh”.

Friday's Free Advice

I had a few ideas for my Friday's Free Advice floating around this mushy brain of mine yesterday (the end of the school year has this kind of effect on me).  I thought about tackling the ups and downs of transition (because I am in the middle of transition right now - going from rigid routine to a more relaxed summer schedule).  However, I read something this morning that literally had me cringing.  So disappointing was the website I perused, that I feel compelled to change the direction of my post.  

What, you may ask, could I have possibly read that would have such an effect on me?  In my "vast" experience (please note the sarcasm here) of networking, I have come across quite a variety of bloggers out here in the web-o-sphere.  Intriguing, to say the least, has this journey been for me.  A few weeks ago I read a very well-written post about raising daughters to be homemakers.  The concept sounded sweet and inoffensive at first.  As I continued reading, however, the subtle, and then not-so-subtle, message  - that it is God's command and calling for ALL women to stay at home and raise daughters for the soul purpose of becoming homemakers - became overwhelmingly apparent.  I nearly fell out of my seat.  It pained me, knowing that thousands of women read this particular blog, and look to the writer as a kind of expert and authority.  So disturbed was I that I spoke up and commented.  I felt like a lone voice in the wilderness.  I'm not about bashing those women who feel called by God to stay home and be homemakers.  I am, however, completely in opposition to the idea that the only place for a woman, in God's perfect design, is the home.  I wrote a little bit about some of my thoughts on this particular subject last week.

Out of curiosity, I decided to do a little informal research this morning.  In some of the banter regarding the "homemaker" philosophy (or theology, as these individuals are preaching), the name "Botkin Sisters" had come up.  I had never heard of these people before, but it sounded like they are pretty influential in this movement.  I Googled them, thinking I would find two elderly women with their hair up in tight buns wearing prairie clothing.  What I found were two very beautiful young women - ages 20 and 23.  I thought to myself, "These are the women responsible for this movement?  You've got to be kidding me!"  That they are lovely and attractive I believe woos young women and mothers who, perhaps, have either been raised in homes that were heavily dysfunctional, or are struggling in difficult marriages.  The fact that they are in their early twenties and delving out advice and "preaching" this distorted doctrine, deeply, and I mean deeply, concerns me.

So, here is my Friday's Free Advice for you:

Oh be careful little eyes what you read in a blog!  Just because a person has a blog, writes well and presents their message in an articulate manner, does not make them an expert!  That includes this blog too.  I am human, completely fallible and certainly capable of error.  Much of what I write is the junk I'm either working through, or full disclosure of my personal dysfunction.  There are times I could actually be wrong (perish the thought!).  If something I write doesn't sit well with you, that might be because it wasn't intended for you.  God was using a particular situation in my life to teach me something personal...and I'm just sharing my journey with you.  If you are truly looking for answers to difficult questions in your life, please, please, go to the Word of God first.  Don't let the blogs out there, and some are really beautiful and well-written, be the light unto your path.  Let God's Word be your light.  Let the blog be a source of encouragement from a distant friend along the path...but never the source of light to your path.

Does this make sense?  I'm certainly NOT asking you to not read my blog anymore...that's not my point at all.  :)  What I am "advising" is to be careful what you read.  I take the "you gotta prove it to me" point of view when I read other blogs (written by individuals that I do not know).  I am extremely critical at the onset.  Time will tell if a blogger is being authentic. 

You may, or may not, agree with this post.  That is okay.  You may, or may not, take my advice.  That is okay too.  The advice is free, and the writer is painfully human.  I think, to be completely honest, this advice is mostly for me.  A good reminder that no matter what I read, or where I look, the Bible should always be the first place I go for instruction. 

What say you?  Have you uncovered some messed up doctrine/theology in your web/blog searches?  Have you been brave enough to speak out when it might not be popular to do so?  Have you read something that left you feeling shamed rather than uplifted...did it confuse or distort the person of Jesus to you?  Let me know...I'm pretty sure we've all been there!

God Shines Down

Sydney came bounding into our room.  It was barely six o’clock in the morning, and she had so much to say already.  It was summertime, and the sun had broken through the clouds early (much too early for this mom who was still nursing a baby throughout the night).  Sydney was a brand new four-year-old, and was enjoying her newfound “maturity” and her first few days of vacation.   

On this slow morning as she burst through our bedroom door, there was something of particular interest that she was dying to share with us.  She explained that when she woke up and peeked out of her window, the sky was bright and pink.  “Pink!” she said, “The whole sky was pink…my favorite color!”  She went on, “Mommy, God was shining down on me this morning.  He shined down on me in pink.”

Profound words from such a young thing.  I affirmed to her that God was certainly shining down on her, and how marvelous that he did it in her favorite color.  He is the God of details.

Have you ever walked through a dark season of life?  You know- the kind of season that tests your faith, questions your trust, and breaks your heart?  I’ve been through a few of those.  In fact, I have been trudging through a sort of wilderness season on and off for about six years.  Sometimes the challenges – financial, relational, or spiritual - loom heavy, and so my heart is weighted down to the deep places.  Sometimes it’s simply maneuvering through parenting obstacles where I feel completely inadequate. 

Regardless of what kind of wilderness I’m facing, I find that I come to the end of myself quite frequently.  I need a drink of water or warm sunshine on my face – anything to revive and reignite the spirit to keep pressing on.  I’ll read the Word, put it to memory, pray (or more like wail before God).  There is nothing like a desert experience to remind us of just how much our bodies crave the Living Water.

Sometimes…when I’m tired, drained to the core, and feeling broken, I have asked what many others have asked, too: “God, are you really even there?”

Sometimes…He remains silent.  He doesn’t answer back the way I wish he would.  He withholds communication for a little while.  He doesn’t show up in the sermon on Sunday or the teaching at Bible study.  It appears as if he has turned his back.  And while I want to throw in the towel, surrender to the desert, and build a sand castle, I remember that God is in control. 

I press on. 

This is faith in action.

Yet…sometimes…God brings a little relief in the desert.  He leads us to springs where we can drink up peace and refreshment.  He answers a simple prayer or brings a comforting word at just the right moment.  He leans in a little closer and warms those places in our hearts that have, perhaps, grown cold.

Sometimes he shines down on us in rays of pink sunlight.

He shines down to remind us that we are not forgotten, he knows where we are, and he is with us.

Today I have felt the warmth of God’s hand on my life in a very powerful way.  Today God is shining down on me.  Today I am grateful for the spring in the desert that waters my soul. 

We wish we could define the desert.  We wish there was a way to outrun the wilderness.  We long to bypass it altogether.  However, God knows the purpose behind these seasons, and he is never far from us.  His love confounds.  His ways an eternal mystery.

And just when we think that the darkness will surely envelop us, he shines his light into our souls.  He lifts us up.  He satisfies our thirst.  He proves his faithfulness.

And we know we’ve been seen.  We know God is here.   

Psalm 145:13-19

The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.  The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.  The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.  You open up your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.  The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made.  The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.  He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.

Emotional Writing

One of the things I have had to learn in my blogging venture is that it is never wise to write a post in an emotional state.  Whether it be hormones, a bad hair day, or just plain old irritation, writing under such duress is never a good idea.  I would call it "emotional writing".  For some, pulling out a pint of Ben & Jerry's or spending money they don't have might bring a fleeting sense of satisfaction.  For me...it is writing out "how I really feel" that calms my emotions.  Unfortunately, what ends up happening is I look back at what I've written and cringe.  Only once have I actually posted one of my emotional writing rants, and ended up pulling it an hour later realizing that, as justified as I may have been in my feelings, sharing them with the world was not a wise choice. Today, however, I am making an exception to that rule.  Today I am going to let my unedited emotions break loose and share from the depths of my heart what I believe to be God's desire and calling for women (men, too, to some degree).  And also, what I believe to be God's calling on my life.

Isaiah 61:1-3

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

(I could have easily highlighted the entire paragraph - it's so good!)  Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible describes this passage as a picture of the coming Messiah, his character and his office.  When I read these words, I am instantly drawn to the message and proclamation of freedom.  Freedom from the past, freedom from the constraints of sin in our lives, freedom from sorrow, despair, and oppression.  Jesus came so that we could have life, and live it to the fullest.  His plan for each one of us is as unique as the person we are.  Not one individual on this planet is like any other.  We are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  Therefore, our futures, God's plans for us and the way he chooses to work in our lives is going to be tailor made...and absolutely wonderful.

Freedom.  How I love that word.  I love the liberation I feel when I know in my heart that I am right in the center of God's will...his perfect plan for me.  No one can take that away.  There will be those out there that will try.  They will believe with all their hearts that God has somehow revealed to them some hidden secret to knowing God's plan for every person, or that somehow there is one specific path that God expects all of us to walk.  (Before I go any further I feel that I should point out that I am not talking about the fundamental truths of salvation.  There is only one way to God, there is only one way to salvation.  Not many will follow because the cross of Christ will be too much to bear.  Yet, doesn't the Word say, "my yoke is easy and my burden is light"?)

Back to the emotional writing...

Paul says in Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

So here is what I believe to be God's desire for women, and the role we play in this life:  First and foremost, love God, seek God, study his word, know him, draw close to him, trust in him and obey.  Give him your life, your cares, your worries, your fears, your failures, your insecurities and your struggles.  When you draw close to God, when you are in his word, you will then know his voice.  As a woman, wife and mother I am of no use if I am off willy nilly doing my own thing, flittering about making choices and decisions without being rooted in the Word of God.  When I know the voice of God, and then obey his directives, then I am at peace and I am a blessing in every role I play.

Second, a friend of mine was sharing with me that she had been praying about a major decision that would effect her family.  It finally came down to choosing between what was good, and what was best.  Funny thing, though, God's best for her and her family is not God's best for me and my family.  When it comes down to making decisions (like being a stay-at-home mom, or working outside the home; homeschooling or sending your child to school; family values; husband and wife roles within the home (not referring to headship here); the way in which you choose to raise your children and how) God directs and leads each woman and family in the way that is best for them.  We are all called to be disciples of Christ and spread the good news, but how we do that is not going to be the same.  What God reveals to be his best for you, will not be what is his best for me.  I respect, love and and admire those who simply do what God has called them to do.  It is a beautiful thing to me to see women living out God's purpose for their lives.  It may looking nothing like mine, or we may have lots of similarities...either way, I find an obedient heart irresistible.

Joel and I made the decision that I would be a stay-at-home mom when we had children.  There was absolutely no twisting my arm on that one (anyone who knows me well would shout out "AMEN" to that).  I love being home with my little ones.  I take pleasure in it, and I am grateful that I am able to do this (not all moms can, and there should NO shame on a woman who, for financial or personal reasons, works outside the home).  At the same time, I am not simply a stay-at-home mom, I have other dreams, hopes and desires - all God-given - that I have yet to see unfold completely.  As my children are getting older, and becoming less and less dependent upon me, I am finding that opportunities to be involved in ministry outside my home have been opening up.  As I prayerfully consider each one, I do so realizing that my first priority is my family.  Not every opportunity is the right opportunity.  Still, I am excited to see how God is going to use my life, my gifts, my abilities and passions as time goes on.

As far as my children are concerned, I am raising all three (two girls and a boy) to first and foremost know God, love God and know his voice.  That is top priority.  Their salvation is more important to me than knowing how to bake muffins or having the top grade in their class.  What they choose to do with their lives is between them and God.  If Sydney wants to run for president, well, I'll campaign for her!  If both girls want to be homemakers, then I'll stand by their sides and mentor and love and encourage that.  If my son chooses to be a teacher, lawyer, missionary, pastor, doctor...whatever...I will support him.  Only God can reveal his perfect plan for their lives.  My job is to teach, train, discipline and guide them to become responsible, well-adjusted, independent adults who will love God with all their hearts, minds, souls and strength.

This is a long one, and I could keep writing on this topic.  Above all else, is it not the fruit of the Spirit that should be evident in each one of us?  You can do everything "right" in the eyes of man, or according to a Christian standard, but if the fruit of the Spirit is void in your life, then what's the point?  If you have felt that there is a standard that you haven't been able to reach or attain, is it possible you have been reaching for something God never intended for you to have?  If you have been bogged down in shame because your life hasn't turned out the way it was "supposed to", is it possible that you've been looking at someone else's "best" not realizing that God has a "best" just for you?  Too often I see women weighted down with so much guilt because they are trying to be something or someone God never intended for them to be.  Can I just say that God sent his son, Jesus, so you could be free to be you?  He didn't create you with all your idiosyncrasies and quirks, gifts and abilities, so that you would fulfill someone else's call.  He came to set the captives free (not just the sinners, but those bound up with insecurities, fear and condemnation).  Jesus came to set you free.  If you are struggling then he invites you to come and sit with him, talk to him and allow him to reveal his "best" for you.  When you know the truth, you will be set free.  Free to be you.

Galatians 5:22-23

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law."

Hello, Rubber...Meet Road

The journey to find grace doesn't add up to anything if there aren't a few real life circumstances to move it from head to heart.  The challenge is not so much letting go and embracing freedom (which can be extremely difficult if you've been accustomed to seeing God as a great dictator up on his throne), but rather when the rubber meets the road - when all that God has revealed collides with the demands, stress, expectations and shame that the world out there starts throwing our way.  The safe and warm cocoon where healing took place is exchanged for a wounded world that does not extend grace and mercy the way God intended.   

And so, this is where I find myself today. 

When the rubber meets the road is when God's word lights our path.  Each time the enemy brings condemnation, we overcome by embracing truth.  Truth sets us free, but the only way we can know the truth is if we are seeking it out.  We may not understand our circumstances, and we may be up against a battle we are too weary to fight, but God promises to fight for us.  He promises us that he will never leave us.  God is looking at our hearts.  His demands are simple: trust and obey.  His yoke is easy, his burden light.  His expectations are not beyond our reach. 

Romans 8:1 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  None.  Not even a speck.  When we fully embrace him, we fully embrace the life of freedom he died to give us.  We are not dead in Christ, but we are alive.  

I needed to remember that today.  

When the rubber meets the road, the Word of God becomes the lamp to my feet, and the light for my path (Psalm 119:105).

The "Face"

I have a love/hate relationship with make-up.  I love it because it covers up all most of my facial flaws, and adds color so I don't look nearly as tired as I actually feel.  I hate it because it is such a hassle to apply and remove.  If I could simply leave my house "as is" I would be perfectly happy.  However, "as is" is scary.  I know this for a fact because my children, who have no motivation for lying, have told me flat out, "Mommy, you look scary."  So, you see, make-up, while somewhat of a chore, is a necessity.  

I have a friend who very rarely wears make-up, and looks beautiful.  She has that even-tone-silky-smooth-I-want-to-hate-you-but-I-love-you-because-you-are-my-friend kind of skin.  She has truly been blessed.  Me...not so much.  Therefore, I leave my make-up free days for the weekend and my family.

I remember my mom referring to her make-up as her "face".  She couldn't go anywhere without putting her "face" on.  As a little girl I thought that sounded crazy.  I totally get it now.  The "face" is the identity that the world out there has come to recognize, know, and feel comfortable with.  If I were to show up to church on a Sunday morning without my face, there would probably be some concern.  Or maybe perhaps a few horrified individuals.  Like I said, I look scary.

There's another "face" I wear.  This "face" is the person everyone out there sees every single day.  The person who says "hi" in the church foyer, or forgets to say "hi" because she's running late to pick up one of her kids from Sunday school.  This is the "face", or persona, that everyone around me has come to know, to some degree, and feel comfortable with (or at least, come to grips with).  To be honest, there are mornings when I wake up and I don't particularly feel like putting my "face" on.  I'm tired.  I'm stressed.  I've spent most of the night worrying about my family, the future (not a very spiritual thing to do, I know...but I confess, it happens).  I get overwhelmed.  I feel lonely.  And yet, I know that if I were to walk out my door without putting on my "face" I might make a lot of people feel very uncomfortable...I might scare them.

I don't think I'm the only woman on the planet that feels like this, even though sometimes it would appear that way.  I would imagine we all have a deep desire to be known and accepted without our make-up on.  To know that more than just our families will accept the scary two-toned skin that lies beneath the Clinique foundation.  And if we were all perfectly honest, while we so desperately want to be make-up free with each other, we, too, find it difficult to allow others to be make-up free with us.  I say this not to point a finger, but really because as God has been working in my life in the area of grace, this has been a key issue he has brought to light.  As God lavishes me with undeserved grace and mercy, I find him challenging me to do the same for others.  I haven't always hit the nail on the head, but thankfully, God forgives and gives me a second chance.

God's grace is sufficient for me...and it is also sufficient for you.  God's grace poured out for, and in, me, is the grace he desires for me to pour out on others.

One powerful thing I am learning on this grace journey is that as I accept this unconditional gift and apply it to my life, the need to wear my inner "face" begins to fade away.  I don't have anything to be ashamed of, fearful of, or embarrassed about.  I am fully known by God, and feel the freedom to be fully known by others.  It may look rough, and it may lack polish, but it's the real thing.  It is the face without the "face".  The face that God loves, accepts and has chosen.  And more importantly, the part of me that will ultimately reflect Jesus to others...which is truly my heart's desire...above all else.

2 Corinthians 3:18

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

My hope...my prayer...for my face to reflect the true face of God....one day at a time...one step of grace at a time...

Friday's Free Advice

I have issues.  This should come as no surprise to those of you who read my blog regularly.  I wrestle with waiting on God, I struggle with insecurity, I have to cling to God's grace on a daily basis, and work harder on this whole marriage and parenting thing than I have worked on anything else in my life.  

And that's not all. 

I worry. 

I worry a lot.  

Fear is a battle for me.  

When I am in a "good" place emotionally, spiritually and physically I can quickly recognize my fear triggers, and rise above them.  However, when I am tired, stressed, dealing with a difficult child, at odds with Joel, and doggy paddling my way through the waves of unpredictability, I am not so quick to resist worry.  My mind blows things out of proportion.  

And I end up exhausted.

Realizing this about myself, I have learned a few things about how to regain control of my emotions, and pull myself up out of this pit.  There are four little steps I take to move from living overwhelmed to overcoming living.  This is today's Friday's Free Advice:

• Spiritual dimension:  Read the Word of God!

Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NIV)

God's word takes away the confusion and distorted messages my mind conjures up.  It brings me back to the truth, and truth trumps fear every. single. time.

• Physical dimension: Get some rest! 

Go to bed early.  Take a day, or morning, to flop around the house.  Schedule it into your week, if need be.  I know life gets really busy (I know this because we are busy quite frequently).  I also know that when I have gone too long without rest I burn out.  In fact, this morning as I write this, I am sitting here in my jammies with a cup of coffee on my desk.  I am resting.

• Relational dimension:  Deal with it!

This is probably the most difficult step for me, and I can't say that I do well in this dimension consistently.  However, I am learning and growing (remember...I am clinging to grace on a daily basis!). 

Just last night Joel and I had a long heart-to-heart.  It was a much needed talk, and as I anticipated bringing things up to him I was a wreck internally.  Yet, it proved to be a powerful moment in our relationship.  Instead of avoiding and pushing issues aside, we confronted, listened to each other, talked them out (until 12am), and drew closer as husband and wife. 

• Soul dimension:  Pray!

 The famous philosopher of the 90's, M.C. Hammer, once rapped, "You've got to pray just to make it today...Come on, let's pray."  Okay...a little cheesy, but he was totally right.  I really do need to pray just to make it today!   

When I've saturated my mind in the truth of God's word, addressed any physical or relational issues, I then wrap them up in prayer.  By this time, fear has vanished and my heart, mind and soul are back on track.  Life will constantly try to throw curve balls, but keeping the focus the One who will carry us through them all is the greatest comfort of all.

As we drifted off to sleep last night, Joel prayed over us.  It was the sweetest night's rest I've had in a long time. 

Isaiah 26:3  "Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (KJV)