“I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Philippians 1:19-24
The first experience we had as newly appointed missionaries was attending Missionary Training/Missionary Renewal (MTMR) in Springfield, Missouri. Our family of six flew from Portland, Oregon to Springfield for a month of training with over 80 other missionary units (individuals or families). We loved it. We loved the morning sessions full of worship, prayer, spiritual formation, and core value teaching. We loved the afternoons spent with our regional teams (Africa, Europe, Asia/Pacific, etc.) as we looked at how the morning’s core value was practiced in our regional context. We loved the many prayer evenings spent with experienced missionaries who coached, encouraged, and interceded for us. Our kids loved the Missionary Kid program- a true crown jewel in the Assemblies of God World Missions infrastructure. The Slater Six are in full agreement- we’d do it again!
From the beginning, our training emphasized an underlying principle: dying. This sounds extreme, but we were not signing up for some extremist expression of devotion or group suicide pact. We were told however and up front, that dying was going to be a way of life: dying to self; dying to comfort; dying to predictability; dying to self-assurance, self-reliance, selfishness. Perhaps what is extreme is that this emphasis is completely counter-cultural to American society.
Despite what we hear in contemporary society where technology has eliminated so many burdens and obstacles- think same-day shipping, UberEats, and even Intensive Care at hospitals where doctors practically cheat death- dying is still a part of living. We live with an ever-increasing sense that suffering should be totally eliminated, discomfort should be eradicated, and frustration should be avoided at all costs. Western value? Yes. American value? Definitely. Authentically Christian? Not even close. The noted biblical scholar, Ben Witherington III wrote, “There is no ‘eternal security’ until one is securely in eternity.”[1]
I’m still new to the missionary life; I’m still in America, being able to access Starbucks, wi-fi, and abundant hot water and electricity. I’m not “dying” at all. I know people who are dying inside because their life’s work is dissolving; their children’s very identities are self-destructing; their marriages, health, futures are disintegrating. However, I am seeing how dying is being introduced to our ongoing routine. For example, we just packed up all the Christmas decorations for the last time; a precious SlaterSix tradition of “decking the halls” won’t be seen in the same way for a long time. That’s a death. Each of my kids reveals the long, slow death of normality and predictability. We hear it by way of “this is the last time we…”. As if we haven’t practiced the fundamentals enough already, we are continually practicing the “ending” of something before we can “begin” something else. There is no way around it. Gordon Fee said,
“This is what it means to ‘know Christ’: it means not to look elsewhere for ‘advantages’ of any kind, but to be found in him, and thus participate in his sufferings in the present, in the full light of our certain eschatological future in which we will be finally “conformed” to his present glory.”[2]
The reason I mentioned MTMR was because it was there that we were repeatedly reminded of a key principle: “Itineration is PART OF THE CALL.” It was explained that the 12-18 months of travel and fund-raising were not something to despise, disparage, or deviate from. Itineration is as much a part of the missionary life as anything else. While it may not make sense, it is in the midst of this time that I’m learning the fundamentals of dying. It’s actually a time of grace and mercy; things are changing but in a slow, controlled way that allows us to adjust and acclimate to this new way of life.
Inherently appealing it is not, but it is the missionary way, but it is, fundamentally, the Christ-follower way. Greg Mundis, Executive Director of Assemblies of God World Missions, delivered a message at MTMR about “Dying to Self”. Within that message was a meditation by Bill Britton:
When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don’t sting or hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.
When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient, loving silence, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.
When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any impunctuality, or any annoyance; when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility, and endure it as Jesus endured it, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.
When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption by the will of God, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.
When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.
When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.
When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.
Are you dead yet? In these last days the Spirit would bring us to the Cross. “That I may know Him...being made conformable to His death.”
Resisting death is an innate response. We are meant to live, not die. But the life the world offers cannot compare to the life we find IN CHRIST. We cannot bring the old life into this new life in Christ. Something has to die. However, we are not left empty-handed.
The glorious realization is that, when we die to self, Jesus replaces whatever is lost with something far more valuable, sustainable, significant. Whenever I find myself sliding into the natural resentment of “dying to self”, wondering if it’s worth it, and “what’s in it for me?”, I reflect on something Timothy Keller wrote:
“On the Day of the Lord—the day that God makes everything right, the day that everything sad comes untrue—on that day the same thing will happen to your own hurts and sadness. You will find that the worst things that have ever happened to you will in the end only enhance your eternal delight. On that day, all of it will be turned inside out and you will know joy beyond the walls of the world. The joy of your glory will be that much greater for every scar you bear. So live in the light of the resurrection and renewal of this world, and of yourself, in a glorious, never-ending, joyful dance of grace.”
― Timothy Keller, Jesus the King: Understanding the Life and Death of the Son of God
How does this land with you? What are you fighting to keep alive? What are you struggling with letting go? Does the experience of “dying to self” cause you to run away, bury your head in the sand, or compel you to evaluate what you are holding onto with such great effort? Ask yourself: is this truly living or does Jesus have a better way?