I had nary a care in the world until it was pointed out to me in the sixth grade that my profile was the same as that of a large Greek man. Then it was again reiterated to me in high school when I was called “Parrot Nose Hayburn” (this didn’t go over so well for the other person, by the way – don’t mess with my nose). My ninth grade art teacher told me that I had a very distinguished profile. Seriously though, “distinguished” is not a compliment to a fourteen-year-old girl! She would much rather hear words like “cute”, “feminine” or “adorable”. Needless to say, I do believe my body issues began in sixth grade when, for the first time, the harsh reality that my physical flaws could be pointed out and made fun of hit me square between the eyes…or should I say in the appendage sticking out from between my eyes!
I have had a love/hate relationship with this schnoz ever since. By the time I reached adulthood, I had nit-picked nearly every square inch of my body and dreamed of a day when I could afford a nose job. However, once in my twenties, I came to grips with the fact that this was the honker God gave me, it was time to make reconciliation with it, and that rhinoplasty wasn’t going to be in my future anytime soon. Eventually, I forgot about the big beak protruding out from the middle of my face and turned my focus on accentuating the positives.
That is, until I was diagnosed with nasal polyps. This darn snout just had to find a new way to give me grief! In fact, I also discovered that I have a deviated septum. Lovely. Thus, the reason I snore, too. (Attractive…I know.)
Tomorrow I am headed to the hospital for nasal polyp surgery. I’m finally getting the nose job I always dreamed of! Although, I can’t say that I’m going to emerge from under the gauze with a brand new, adorable ski-slope nose (like the cute girl in my ninth grade class who’s profile I would have died for). I guess I could always hint to the doctor that a little nip-tuck would be completely a-okay with me (wink, wink). We wouldn’t have to tell anyone…our little secret, if you know what I mean…
Of course, that’s not going to happen. What will happen is that I am going to be able to breathe again, smell again, sleep again (sans snoring, or so we hope), have more energy and overall feel like myself again for the first time in a long time. My nose will still have the same shape, the same size, and my profile will still haunt me in pictures. But hey, why change now? I’ve lived thirty-some years with this trunk of a nose, and I’ve been able to function quite exceptionally at that (aside from this polyp issue).
And so, I’m off. I’ll be away for a week, and I look forward to reporting all the wonderful results when once my distinguished nose and I are back in working order.