Remember the movie The Princess Bride? The bad guy, Vizzini, keeps responding to various occurrences with the expression, “Inconceivable!” The best part is when heroic swordsman Inigo Montoya’s observes: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”1 It’s funny because it’s true. We act like Vizzini. We all love the idea of “new”. A new year. A new beginning. A new job. A new relationship. The problem lies in how we perceive “new”. It’s not what we think it is.
In our last post, we talked about “the neutral zone”. It’s the place to prepare ourselves for facing the significantly different. We need the neutral zone to be ready for new beginnings, but we aren’t supposed to stay in neutral forever. William Bridges describes the attributes of “new beginnings”:
Beginnings involve new understandings, new values and attitudes. Beginnings are marked by a release of energy in a new direction – they are an expression of a fresh identity. Well-managed transition allows people to establish in new roles with an understanding of their purpose, the part they play, and how to contribute and participate most effectively. They are reoriented and renewed.2
Did you catch that? Beginnings are an expression of a fresh identity. Beginnings are a chance to reinvent oneself. The neutral zone allows one to inventory any hang-ups or hindrances that the old routine maintained. Without the neutral zone, we fail to truly have a “new beginning”. People who leave a role or position frequently illustrate this mistake. A pastor who goes from one church to another every three years for twelve years thinks he/she has twelve years of experience. In fact, he/she most likely has three years of experience repeated four times. They may be the new person on the team, but they themselves may not be a new person. They may be the same as they were at their last job, enacting the same patterns and processes in a different environment.
Our family just watched the new movie, Christopher Robin3, where the now-grown human friend of beloved characters Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, etc., is locked in a pattern of unfulfillment and paralyzing stagnation, having lost the childhood sense of adventure. It is only when the adorable Pooh speaks simple but fundamentally challenging truth that Christopher Robin begins to truly live:
Christopher Robin: I wonder which way.
Winnie The Pooh: I always get to where I'm going by walking away from where I've been.4
Get ready for a “truth bomb”: for most of us, when we think of something “new”, what we really want is a better version of something old. When the mechanic says our car is “as good as new”, we expect to get the car back in its original condition. Imagine your surprise if you dropped off a broken-down sports car and are now picking up a brand-new minivan. When you start a new job, how long does it take before you either think or say something like, “That’s not how we did it at my old job.” We are susceptible to expecting “new” to simply be a better version of something from our past, something familiar, something that simply needed an upgrade. But when we make a huge life transition, we are not upgrading, modifying, or adjusting. We are starting something different.
“When we think of something “new”, what we really want is a better version of something old.”
I (Joel) discovered this almost immediately. Having served in pastoral ministry for 19 years, suddenly I found myself in a completely different ministry environment. I had made the mistake of thinking that missionary life is pastoral life in an international context. It’s not; it’s completely different. I had moved from an employee to an independent contractor. I had gone from a desk/office/building to a laptop/coffee shop/car. Amy has had to adapt to me being at home, underfoot, and exposed to my erratic behavior more often. Welcome to what is truly “new”. It’s not anything like the old life. It takes enormous time and energy (comparatively) to do seemingly simple things compared to the set schedules and infrastructure of the former environment. New bosses respond differently than old bosses. New processes frustrate you simply because it takes time and effort to learn a new system. It’s not bad; it’s different. It’s truly new. Most importantly, it’s a microcosm that illustrates “new” is all part of God’s grand plan:
Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bridebeautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Revelation 21:1-5a
Here is the question: will we settle for our current condition or will we decide to go in a different direction? It’s not going to be comfortable; rather, it will require us to walk away from comfort. Everything is new to us in this first itineration cycle. We are at a different church in a different part of the country each week. We are always starting new relationships rather than cultivating a single circle of relationships. We are increasingly discovering the common denominators of our personalities, our strengths, our weaknesses, working as a team rather than as detached individuals. It’s bringing us closer together as a family. We are choosing not to succumb to doing life the way we’ve always done it. We are walking, willfully, into the “great unknown.” The next six months will illustrate this more and more: we will sell many of our belongings, we will put other things in long-term storage, we will rent our house to strangers, we will say goodbye to cold winters, and exchange the old life for a new life.
Our invitation to you is to recognize what “new” truly means. We invite you to examine and evaluate how this new year does not have to simply involve repeating old patterns but with more effort. Do something truly new, different, unique, challenging, outside your comfort zone, and discover you are not what you were. You can be truly be “new”.
How do you interpret the concept of something being “new”?
1The Princess Bride. Directed by Rob Reiner. Performed by Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Robin Wright. Santa Monica, CA: MGM Home Entertainment, 1987. Film.
2Bridges, Susan. "What Is William Bridges' Transition Model?" William Bridges Associates. Accessed January 03, 2019. https://wmbridges.com/what-is-transition/.
3Forster, Marc. "Christopher Robin." Disney Movies. Accessed January 05, 2019. https://movies.disney.com/christopher-robin.
4Ibid.