Pick your battles.
Man...with three little ones I am learning how absolutely right on this advice is, and how much I need to adhere to it. Here are a few battles I have decided are not worth fighting, and in retrospect have been the best decisions I have made thus far in my parenting experience:
* Allowing my daughters to pick out their own outfits - When I broke down and finally relinquished control over what my girls were allowed to wear, or at least how they wore their outfits, mornings in my home became refreshingly sweet, calm and smooth. When they were babies and toddlers I controlled everything in their lives, down to the shoes on their feet and bows in their hair. But here they are - Sydney is 6 and Brooklyn is 4 - and of all things...they have their own opinions. Imagine that! I want my kids to learn to think for themselves, take responsibility for their decisions and learn how it feels to succeed, and sometimes fail, on their own. The simple act of deciding what they wear on their bodies is one step towards gaining confidence in themselves to make the next choice, even if it is a small one.
* Letting Jackson, my two year old son, wear his Disney Cars jammies to church (last night) - Who would have thought that a BOY would have such a strong opinion about what clothes he wore on his body! My son has five different pairs of Disney Cars jammies, and that is all he EVER wants to wear. One exception is his Cars t-shirt. Since we only have one t-shirt and five pairs of jammies, you can see that there is often a struggle to get him to wear regular clothes. When we are at home I let him wear his jammies, but when we go somewhere like church, playgroup, Bible study, etc. I kind of prefer he wear normal "going out" clothes. Getting him dressed for such occasions can sometimes be a nightmare. Yesterday evening, however, I decided this battle was NOT worth fighting. Why make him wear a t-shirt and shorts for a grand total of two hours? Who really cares anyway? Of course my mind starts churning about comments that might or might not be made. After all, I am a pastor's wife. What will people think? I hate to admit that there are times that I really do worry about what other people think of me. Not last night - my son wore his beloved Cars jammies to church. Our whole evening was blissful. He was so happy and so proud to wear "Lightning McQueen" on his chest. There are plenty of other battles worth engaging the physical and mental energy in, but not this one...not last night.
* Quiet time activities - In a perfect world, or at least my perfect world, quiet time would mean my children sit and read, draw, colour, listen to music or watch a movie...in perfect silence. I mean, when I am having quiet time that's what I do! Here's what I've learned in my six years of parenting...children don't know how to be 100% still and quiet. There must be some sort of chemical or hormone or biological something in their little bodies which makes refraining from talking, singing, twirling and creative play nearly impossible. Unless my children are actually sleeping, their bodies never stop engaging in activity. Still, I am a firm believer that a little down time/quiet time is needed every day (especially for me). In order for all of us to enjoy our quiet time I have lowered my expectations. Instead of forcing them to sit still and read or watch a movie, I have given them freedom to play quietly. They are allowed to talk and interact, however, when the volume gets too loud or they start running and jumping I will, and do, step in. By being more flexible on this I find that I don't have to disengage from my own quiet time as much in order to deal with them. Let that battle go! (By the way, Jackson still takes naps...BLESSING!)
* Taking toys/books out of the house - Okay...this one was kind of a back and forth issue with me. It seemed that every time we would let the kids take a little toy to church it would somehow disappear...forever. I got tired of losing toys. In order to deal with this issue we made a new rule that toys and books were not allowed to leave the house. Then there were those "transitional" life moments that came: new class, new teacher, new friends, etc. The need for something comforting began to arise more and more. Discovering this simple need to hold on to a lovey, a small toy or even a little book began to make leaving the house in a timely fashion an actuality for us. The agreement we have on this is that they leave their toys in the car once we have arrived at our destination. If they are carrying a bag with them they are permitted to take the toy inside the school or church, but it MUST stay in the bag. So far, we have not lost a single toy or book!
Other battles I have let go of, (but don't feel the need to elaborate on):
* How they decide to decorate their bedroom * T.V. viewing in the morning * Playroom clean-up - how they do it, not if they do it
Just as my children are a work in progress...SO AM I! Some of the lessons I've learned may be "no brainers" for most moms, but maybe there are a few others out there like me that are "late bloomers" in the area of "battle picking". For those in the latter category, I hope my words are an encouragement to you. Choose your battles wisely, my friends...choose wisely.